The burly man's eyes go wide with disbelief as a mere piss-ant dwarf cast command on him. Fighting with all his strength, his body began to move, albeit slowly and rigidly towards a nearby open barrel. Since he was too big to fit in the barrel, he tried to contort his body smaller and smaller to fit inside.
The creaking of the barrel and cursing of the man filled the room. "You wretched sons of pig-whores! Accursed kobold rapers, I will break your legs!"
Suddenly the bottom of the barrel broke, leaking the remaining wine onto the floor. The man's head disappeared into the barrel, with only his legs popping out.
Then silence, the only sound the thumping hearts and heavy breathing of the vomitous four could be heard.
Kaeros slowly turned back toward the bearded aggressor, his breathing heavy and shoulders sore after lobbing the heavy cask at the door. His forehead was slick with sweat He narrowed his eyes and stepped toward the barrel-human, maintaining a safe distance of about a meter. He acknowledged the others each with a look and spoke quietly. "What do we do with him?" Small beads of perspiration formed a shimmery white frost around Kaeros's fingertips as he contemplated a spell. "I think I'd like to give him a little Frostbite.. Would make me feel better, at least."
Uzik's response:
"I have the bindings used on us here. We could tie his legs up easily enough. Not sure how to keep him in the barrel once he regains control... We have little time."
Kaeros mulled the dwarf's advice over in his head for a few brief seconds, and scrunched his face up in sour agreement. "Yeah.. You're right. Hand 'em here."
With a very heartfelt sigh of disappointment, the magic dissipated from around Kaeros' fingers as he knelt down, grabbed a handful of ropes from the dwarf, and went to work tying the man's exposed legs together. Decades of muscle memory guided his hands as he looped and wrapped the bindings this way and that, at last pulling them tight with a single strong tug.
Seeing that the other seemed to have the situation with the bearded man under control and not having much to add to the discussion, Xan attempts to approach the door that he came in from while trying to remain out of sight (stealth check: 7). Once there, she tries to listen carefully for any insight into their current predicament and whether it would be safe to simply exit that way and leave this situation behind (perception check: 18).
This post has potentially manipulated dice roll results.
Hearing of the bearded man's assistants coming to join in the fray, Yandy readies magic missile to fire at the first hostiles to come through the door. (Hitting for 5, 3 and 2, if needed)
Yandy also takes the opportunity to check if the door to the south was open or not.
This post has potentially manipulated dice roll results.
By looking at the tavern keep it is clear that he is close to regaining control of his actions, and his assistants are now on the way. Uzig seems to be struggling with his thoughts, most likely panicking to come up with a method of restraining the brute before he can escape and exact painful retribution.
He suddenly grabs his head, as if all this thinking is causing him pain. Then a noticeable change comes over the clerics demeanor. A grin spreads over his face and he shouts “I've solved the puzzle!”
The filth-ridden dwarf quickly removes his sopping, urine soaked pants and moves over to the captive. As he does so, Uzig's exposed manhood flaps about wildly during each stride. Then the crazed cleric positions himself behind the man and roughly places his foot on the back of his head while throwing the pants over his face and pulls with all of his might. A legging wrapped around each hand tightly, Uzig strains from the effort. With a crazed look on his face the half-naked dwarf screams “Silence is GOLDEN, friend!!” and cackles with frightening manic laughter...
Uzig attempts to choke the man to death with his pants (I'm hoping with advantage as this guys legs are bound and his arms are stuck in the barrel, leaving just his head to resist. The pants are also quite foul, so perhaps that catches him off guard and dulls his senses).
Strength check (17), Second roll (5) ← disregard it if you deem that I shouldn't have advantage
(This conversation took place between post #44 and #45)
Kaeros (Jack)
-------------------------------------------- "As curious as I am who you people are," Kaeros spoke in a low voice as he let go of the securely-tied ropes. "Maybe we should be putting the screws on this bastard first?" He glanced at the man in the barrel, ignoring his curses, and then drifted his gaze over to the limp sack on the floor. "And uh... There's that.."
Uzig (Mike)
"I think we should make double sure he's completely incapacitated, and gag him for good measure. Who knows what other spells he could summon. Only then can we take our time to decide what to do with the maniac." Uzig then looks at the sack on the floor. "As for the potato sack thief, I can stabilize him if need be."
Xan (Pat)
Xan makes a reasonably approving expression at the work done on the bearded man but doesn't add much to the interaction.
[DM] Sergio
The bearded man’s eyes stab daggers at you and he yells, “You bastard kobold filth eaters won’t get away with this!” He struggles mightily to break free. “Curse this barrel and curse you, you gods damned dwarf!”
Kaeros (Jack)
"Are you a Cleric, good dwarf?" Kaeros looked over the soiled Uzig, and then above him to spot Xan checking the door. "I need my things," he said toward the elf, anticipating that she may make a run for it.
Xan (Pat)
She gives him a know glance. Trying to communicate that shee also needs her things and isn't planning to bolt without them.
Uzig (Mike)
Staring at the encased tavern keep, Uzig answers the man absent-mindedly, never breaking his gaze. "No... I'm not a good dwarf... and I'm not A cleric.... I am THE cleric, apparently..."
September 10, 2019
[DM] Sergio
The bearded man yells "YOU WRETCHED BASTARDS! CURSE YOU ALL!" He keep struggling, "WHERE THE NINE HELLS ARE MY ASSISTANTS?!"
(This dialog takes place after post #45)
[DM] Sergio
The sounds from the casket room have definitely caused a disturbance outside. The sound of feet rushing from another room can be heard. “You hear that, you sorry sons of whores, they are coming for you!” the burly man laughed. “They will kill you and feed you to the dogs!”
Xan's body tightened and then relaxed, like a spring getting ready for movement, her muscles supple and lithe from years of training. Her elf-eyes saw shadows coming up, and then two bearded gnomes, each with blood and grease on their aprons, running towards the sound of the burly man's voice.
For some strange reason, Xan felt no killing intent from them, only utter confusion and fear. The looks on their faces almost caused her stoic countenance to shatter into ridiculous laughter.
"There the bloody hells is that useless owner?! Did he kill that thief?" one of the gnomes said. This one was wearing a darker leather apron smeared with blood and oil. His large leather gloves reached to his elbows, giving him a comical look of a young boy wearing his father's riding gloves.
"Oi, you elf-girl there, what be you doing in there? That room isn't for patrons!" the other one called out. His beard reached to his chest and was somewhat frizzy, with grey streaks and bits of food stuck in them. He looked near naked with only a filthy blue apron covering his top. Who knows if he was wearing pants. "Wait a minute, yer that one from yesterday who was doing them funny dance moves on the table for tips! Well bless my beard, I thought ya went off with one of them younger lads for a romp in the hay!"
"Looks like you still have a chance, Vinny, you were eyeing her all night!" ribbed the gloved gnome.
"Shut yer face, ya demented troll! I wasn't trying to pinch the wizard's bum, now was I!" snapped the gnome called Vinny. "You were always corrupt in the head, Lucy, always aiming for those with meat in their trousers!"
Their bickering stopped immediately as they saw a horrendous sight: a stark, raving pantless and utterly filthy mad dwarf was strangling the bearded man.
"Yer doin' it wrong, ya clumsy ape! Ya got'ta below the jaw line and bring the leggings up behind the ear, that way ya get the airway and the blood flow cut off", sighed Vinny. "Some people just can't appreciate the finer aspects of strangulation."
"Well, well, well, now that is indeed a sight for sore eyes. I might fancy a bit of that myself. And by heavens, his dwarf-stalk hangs past the knee..." murmured the gnome named Lucy.
The burly man, half crazed with rage, shot a bloodshot death-stare at the gnomes and tried to gurgle something.
"Eh? Wut? I'm afraid this poor old gnome can't hear ya very well," taunted Vinny. He then looked at the fabulous foursome, "Anyways, if ya wish to continue yer strange carnal congress, yer'll need to pay for a room."
"But first you will need help clean up this mess of yours. We will be requiring you to pay for all damages as well, so please don't think about running away. Although that fool there doesn't look it, he was the kingdom's best tracker in his day. Don't give him another reason to kill you," warned Lucy.
"By the beard of my mother's crotch, ya don't think he will try ta kill them anyways?" scoffed Vinny.
"Not at this time at least, we will vouchsafe you. Now please let him go so we can open for business. There are some extra aprons in this room, along with cleaning utensils so please get to work. Our patrons don't like to be made to wait."
Realising that the situation had suddenly and dramatically de-escalated and no longer seemed to warrant violence, Xan subtly shrugs and moves to grab the indicated cleaning supplies and begins cleaning. Although she severely doubts the likelihood of any of the claims made by the terrible little gnomes, her years of training have taught her that sometimes it's just better to just do what you're asked than argue.
The image of swinging dwarf genitals forever burned in his mind, Kaeros wasn't sure whether to berate the dwarf for that gross display or to compliment him on his creativity. He raised his eyebrows while nodding his head slowly, giving the dwarf his best "Good job, I think" look.
Kaeros turned to the gnomes as they talked. As soon as the gnome, Lucy, finished talking, he spoke up.
"Where are our things? And..." He worked the words in his head into something diplomatic before continuing, "What were the four of us doing last night to get in here?"
He wasn't sure exactly why, but he too found himself reaching for a cleaning rag. "I don't remember a bloody thing.."
Uzig, stunned by the turn of events, awkwardly releases his hold on the pants and they slosh onto the floor. He lowers his foot and tries to gently straighten out his captor’s hair in an act of contrition.
He looks at the gnomes “.... can I borrow some pants? Ye can add it to my tab...”
The gnomes looked at each other. "Wait a moment, you mean to say you have no recollection of your actions last night?" asked Lucy, perplexed. "I was quite sure you were acting on your own volition. There are no powerful magic users here or mind manipulators that we know of."
Vinny smirked. "I call hogwash on yer stories. Yer just tryin' ta get out of payin' fer yer chaos and mess. I'll work ya double!"
A cough and gurgle came from the barrel. It seemed the burly man was coming to. "You bastards, the lot of you. I will kill you in your sleep. As for you, you useless gnomes, help me out of this damn barrel!"
"Oh, yer still alive, eh. Shame, that," cursed Vinny under his breath. "Ay, ay, hold yer tiny melons, I'll be gettin' ta ya soon enough."
Noticing the foursome were still in a state of shock, Lucy smiled, "Ah, looks like you are wondering where in the nine hells you are and who we are, am I correct?" He paused for a moment to think. "You are in the Green Crabs Tavern in the Village of Telás of the Kingdom of Betún. How you arrived here, that I am ignorant of."
He pulled out another apron and some rags from a nearby wooden chest and threw them at the dwarf. "Not sure that will cover your treasures very well, but feel free to visit me later on and I can help you find some pants." He winked, "I am Sergius Lucius Verelius. That foul looking idiot there is my brother, Caius Vinicius Verelius."
"Who’s a foul looking idiot, ya corrupt half-breed!" spat Vinny. "Ay, I be Caius Vinicius Verelius. Terrible name, so call me Vinny. That perverted swine molester there be Lucy, and this muscle bound fool be Borash. Ta be honest, I still think that be a stupid name, but that's what stuck for years. He's a bit of a mystery, yeah."
Vinny snorted. "Alright, enough chatter. Back ta work ya drunken fools. Even after sellin' yer gear, ya still gots a couple hunnerd gold pieces ta work off!"
This post has potentially manipulated dice roll results.
Uzig wastes no time tying the rags to cover himself to the best of his abilities as he watches the gnomes leave the room. He looks back at Borash and winks. “Borash, eh...” The dwarf rolls up his sleeves and grabs a mop (which is almost twice his height) from the nearby wall. “Your name has inspired me, my insensate barrel-garbed ignoramus.” He then leans on the mop and looks to the ceiling as he begins to recite a verse.
“Borash, a man of simple taste,
Uses urine to wash his face.
His body quite large,
Opposed to his head.
Even his mother wishes him dead.”
Uzig contemplates his words for a second. “This strophe has a few too many enjambments in it. Perhaps after some spirits it's true form will come to me.” He starts mopping and accidentally backs into the potato sack during his work. “Oh, right. You.”
Uzig examines the potato sack in order to see if the thief needs medical attention. (Assuming he/she does, I use cure wounds on the man/woman. (7).
Uzig cast cure wounds on the potato sack man and his raspy gurgling slowly stopped and was replaced by a more natural and rhythmic breathing. The person inside seemed to be unconscious, but at least not under any imminent threat of death. For now.
The gnomes went off back to their place somewhere in the tavern and Borash eventually freed himself from the barrel. His huge, hulking physique no longer appeared as threatening with the reek of urine, blood, and wine. In fact, it was almost comical.
Death blazed in his eyes, his silence frigid, he walked out of the room. For such a large man, his steps made nary a sound, almost as if he floated on the wooden boards.
The air reeks of vomit, wine, urine, sweat and broken pride. It is late morning, and there is much to clean and fix before the tavern gets busy.
Uzig leans forward a bit, trying to understand the strange, broken shape before his eyes.
The body was slim, almost lanky. It was wrapped in dark clothes, with greys and blacks to help blend in the darkness. As Uzig gently lifted the potato sack cloth from the body, a web of bloody silver hair clung to a dark, handsome face. It was a dark elf-wretch! What a rare find!
The thief didn't seem to have any equipment on him, nor weapons.
After gently poking and prodding the thief, the sound of heavy footsteps coming towards the group could be heard, along with course words.
"...damned wretch will get his hands cut off for this!" said a gruff voice. "He bears the Brand of Lí. We need to execute him."
Three men came into the room. Borash and what appeared to be two constables. They wore the military style chain mail and had swords on their hips. One of the brandished a bit of cruel looking rope, which was more like vines with thorns.
"Alright, we will tie him up and throw him in the pit with the rest of the dogs, see if they like fresh meat," the gruff voice said. "You, there!" he pointed at Uzig. "Step away from that criminal, he's dangerous!"
As soon as these words were uttered, the room suddenly began filling with dark smoke that choked and blinded.
"What in the nine hells is going on?!" yelled another voice, most likely the second constable. "My eyes!"
The room was hazy, nearly impossible to see a few feet in front. The constables ran towards the direction of the potato sack.
"Curses and damnations, he's not here! I thought you said he was incapacitated!" the gruff constable screamed at Borash.
"He was! I broke my fry pan on his skull! He should be near death by now..." coughed Borash.
When the smoke cleared, the thief was gone.
The constables looked around, agitated and apoplectic. "Who in the nine hells healed this wretch?! You are now responsible for whatever actions he does!"
This post has potentially manipulated dice roll results.
The dwarf snaps back at the constables. "Where to begin! After barely surviving an altercation with this muscle bound fool moments ago, he storms out of this room leaving a nearly dead man with no explanation. How was I to know he was a thief? I did the honorable thing and tried to save a life. If this thief were so dangerous why didn't Borash, a stupid name I know, bother to take the thief to you immediately? He just left him here, not a god damn word about it! How in the bloody hell is this MY responsibility? If anything, it's that moronic oaf's responsibility for being so negligent. I'm just a poor cleric trying to work off a debt through honest labor, and before me I see another unfortunate soul in need of medical attention. I thought he was working off a debt and had been abused just as my compatriots and I by that monster standing next to you!"
Kaeros kept out of the argument, moving his rag back and forth on a piece of wood but not really cleaning anything. He smirked; he liked this dwarf fellow. Reminded him of the dwarves that often visited his village back when. He exchanged glances with the other two in the room. Noticed that no one else was stepping forward, he cleared his throat.
"The dwarf speaks the truth." He spoke to the guards but looked long and hard at Borash. "We all awoke in this room, tied up, robbed. Beaten to a bloody mess.." He gestured to the bloody elf, Yandy.
He lowered his voice to a whisper. "I do think that pervert even relieved himself on the dwarf there." He pointed to the brute, Borash, and then to the dwarf's soiled garments, shaking his head in disgust.
"Is this how travelers are treated here in Telas?"
Borash's face darkened with rage. Before he could even speak, one of the constables raised his hand to silence the room.
"You lot are most suspect. You are not from here, nor are you known to any of us. For all we know, you and that damned thief are collaborators." He silenced the room again. "I am not accusing you, nor do we have any proof. I will, however, politely ask that you accompany us to the gaol so we can get to the bottom of this."
He noticed the four get tense and indignant. "Please note that I am NOT accusing you," he said in a gruff voice. "I am merely trying to decipher this puzzle. Think of it this way, if you will: five strangers arrive here, cause problems, one of them is a dangerous criminal who escapes. Are you collaborators? Or just unfortunate? Until I can verify that you are no threat, I have no choice but to ask for your cooperation."
He eyed the four. "If you do not acquiesce to my rather polite request, you can be assured that I have near unlimited leeway by order of the Government of Betún to do what is necessary to keep the peace."
He paused, and turned to Borash and nodded. The burly man's grin was cruel and feral and the terror caused the four to shudder. "This man here, although he doesn't look like it, was the Kingdom's best tracker and a veteran of the Kobold Wars. He has no problems cutting down the lot of you, and I would have no problems unleashing him."
"However," he continued. "I do not wish to add more paper bureaucracy to my already heavy plate, with all the problems we are currently having. Please don't keep adding more and just come quietly."
He looked at his companion and Borash. They reluctantly acquiesced.
"If that's what you decree, Sir Varius, then I will follow your command," said the other constable.
"I will follow your word, Sir Varius. I hope they decline so I can hunt and kill them," grinned Borash.
The head constable, Sir Varius, nodded and then looked at the four. "What say you?"
"I will have to pray a second before I decide." Uzig then kneels and looks to the ceiling, muttering to himself with his hands tented together. After his brief prayer he labors to his feet again, rubbing his head. "Aye, I've nothing to hide. The lord shall see me proven innocent of any wrong doing. Oh, do you have any cakes at this gaol, Sir... what was it, Sir Var-anus? I should appreciate some mead as well, I've not drunk anything for HOURS!" The dwarf struts up and stands next to Borash, clapping him on the back as he hands him his mop. "Don't worry, I'd never run from you. Why, as soon as I took a piss you would track me down in minutes I'm sure!" The dwarf starts laughing hysterically.
While doing her best to effect the terrible mess in the room, Xan listens carefully to the conversation taking place between the others and the constables and finding it incredibly confusing. It seems that she, along with the others, are being accused of collaborating with the recently escaped thief. Combined with the previous indignity leveled at her by the gnomes, Xan was starting to get the impression that she should have stayed with the ghosts of her brothers and sisters at the destroyed ruins of her home rather than come out among this "Civilization." While considering this, she decides that its in her best interest to lay down her cleaning supplies and turn to face the constables while doing her best to demonstrate her acquiescence to their demands in her posture.
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The burly man's eyes go wide with disbelief as a mere piss-ant dwarf cast command on him. Fighting with all his strength, his body began to move, albeit slowly and rigidly towards a nearby open barrel. Since he was too big to fit in the barrel, he tried to contort his body smaller and smaller to fit inside.
The creaking of the barrel and cursing of the man filled the room. "You wretched sons of pig-whores! Accursed kobold rapers, I will break your legs!"
Suddenly the bottom of the barrel broke, leaking the remaining wine onto the floor. The man's head disappeared into the barrel, with only his legs popping out.
Then silence, the only sound the thumping hearts and heavy breathing of the vomitous four could be heard.
(The below is copy-pasted from the Discord chat)
Uzik's response:
With a very heartfelt sigh of disappointment, the magic dissipated from around Kaeros' fingers as he knelt down, grabbed a handful of ropes from the dwarf, and went to work tying the man's exposed legs together. Decades of muscle memory guided his hands as he looped and wrapped the bindings this way and that, at last pulling them tight with a single strong tug.
16
As Kaeros was binding the legs, the burly man tried to kick and move his legs, but with little avail.
The binds were strong, but his hands were still free and who knows how long the barrel would restrict the man’s movements.
The four took a deep breath, quickly assessing their situation.
Should they make a run for it? Should they incapacitate the man? And how in the nine hells did they get into this mess anyways?!
Xan pondered her next move...
(Conversation ongoing in chat)
Seeing that the other seemed to have the situation with the bearded man under control and not having much to add to the discussion, Xan attempts to approach the door that he came in from while trying to remain out of sight (stealth check: 7). Once there, she tries to listen carefully for any insight into their current predicament and whether it would be safe to simply exit that way and leave this situation behind (perception check: 18).
Hearing of the bearded man's assistants coming to join in the fray, Yandy readies magic missile to fire at the first hostiles to come through the door. (Hitting for 5, 3 and 2, if needed)
Yandy also takes the opportunity to check if the door to the south was open or not.
By looking at the tavern keep it is clear that he is close to regaining control of his actions, and his assistants are now on the way. Uzig seems to be struggling with his thoughts, most likely panicking to come up with a method of restraining the brute before he can escape and exact painful retribution.
He suddenly grabs his head, as if all this thinking is causing him pain. Then a noticeable change comes over the clerics demeanor. A grin spreads over his face and he shouts “I've solved the puzzle!”
The filth-ridden dwarf quickly removes his sopping, urine soaked pants and moves over to the captive. As he does so, Uzig's exposed manhood flaps about wildly during each stride. Then the crazed cleric positions himself behind the man and roughly places his foot on the back of his head while throwing the pants over his face and pulls with all of his might. A legging wrapped around each hand tightly, Uzig strains from the effort. With a crazed look on his face the half-naked dwarf screams “Silence is GOLDEN, friend!!” and cackles with frightening manic laughter...
Uzig attempts to choke the man to death with his pants (I'm hoping with advantage as this guys legs are bound and his arms are stuck in the barrel, leaving just his head to resist. The pants are also quite foul, so perhaps that catches him off guard and dulls his senses).
Strength check (17), Second roll (5) ← disregard it if you deem that I shouldn't have advantage
Generic saving throw for DM (19 )
(This conversation took place between post #44 and #45)
Kaeros (Jack)
Xan's body tightened and then relaxed, like a spring getting ready for movement, her muscles supple and lithe from years of training. Her elf-eyes saw shadows coming up, and then two bearded gnomes, each with blood and grease on their aprons, running towards the sound of the burly man's voice.
For some strange reason, Xan felt no killing intent from them, only utter confusion and fear. The looks on their faces almost caused her stoic countenance to shatter into ridiculous laughter.
"There the bloody hells is that useless owner?! Did he kill that thief?" one of the gnomes said. This one was wearing a darker leather apron smeared with blood and oil. His large leather gloves reached to his elbows, giving him a comical look of a young boy wearing his father's riding gloves.
"Oi, you elf-girl there, what be you doing in there? That room isn't for patrons!" the other one called out. His beard reached to his chest and was somewhat frizzy, with grey streaks and bits of food stuck in them. He looked near naked with only a filthy blue apron covering his top. Who knows if he was wearing pants. "Wait a minute, yer that one from yesterday who was doing them funny dance moves on the table for tips! Well bless my beard, I thought ya went off with one of them younger lads for a romp in the hay!"
"Looks like you still have a chance, Vinny, you were eyeing her all night!" ribbed the gloved gnome.
"Shut yer face, ya demented troll! I wasn't trying to pinch the wizard's bum, now was I!" snapped the gnome called Vinny. "You were always corrupt in the head, Lucy, always aiming for those with meat in their trousers!"
Their bickering stopped immediately as they saw a horrendous sight: a stark, raving pantless and utterly filthy mad dwarf was strangling the bearded man.
"Yer doin' it wrong, ya clumsy ape! Ya got'ta below the jaw line and bring the leggings up behind the ear, that way ya get the airway and the blood flow cut off", sighed Vinny. "Some people just can't appreciate the finer aspects of strangulation."
"Well, well, well, now that is indeed a sight for sore eyes. I might fancy a bit of that myself. And by heavens, his dwarf-stalk hangs past the knee..." murmured the gnome named Lucy.
The burly man, half crazed with rage, shot a bloodshot death-stare at the gnomes and tried to gurgle something.
"Eh? Wut? I'm afraid this poor old gnome can't hear ya very well," taunted Vinny. He then looked at the fabulous foursome, "Anyways, if ya wish to continue yer strange carnal congress, yer'll need to pay for a room."
"But first you will need help clean up this mess of yours. We will be requiring you to pay for all damages as well, so please don't think about running away. Although that fool there doesn't look it, he was the kingdom's best tracker in his day. Don't give him another reason to kill you," warned Lucy.
"By the beard of my mother's crotch, ya don't think he will try ta kill them anyways?" scoffed Vinny.
"Not at this time at least, we will vouchsafe you. Now please let him go so we can open for business. There are some extra aprons in this room, along with cleaning utensils so please get to work. Our patrons don't like to be made to wait."
Realising that the situation had suddenly and dramatically de-escalated and no longer seemed to warrant violence, Xan subtly shrugs and moves to grab the indicated cleaning supplies and begins cleaning. Although she severely doubts the likelihood of any of the claims made by the terrible little gnomes, her years of training have taught her that sometimes it's just better to just do what you're asked than argue.
The image of swinging dwarf genitals forever burned in his mind, Kaeros wasn't sure whether to berate the dwarf for that gross display or to compliment him on his creativity. He raised his eyebrows while nodding his head slowly, giving the dwarf his best "Good job, I think" look.
Kaeros turned to the gnomes as they talked. As soon as the gnome, Lucy, finished talking, he spoke up.
"Where are our things? And..." He worked the words in his head into something diplomatic before continuing, "What were the four of us doing last night to get in here?"
He wasn't sure exactly why, but he too found himself reaching for a cleaning rag. "I don't remember a bloody thing.."
Uzig, stunned by the turn of events, awkwardly releases his hold on the pants and they slosh onto the floor. He lowers his foot and tries to gently straighten out his captor’s hair in an act of contrition.
He looks at the gnomes “.... can I borrow some pants? Ye can add it to my tab...”
The gnomes looked at each other. "Wait a moment, you mean to say you have no recollection of your actions last night?" asked Lucy, perplexed. "I was quite sure you were acting on your own volition. There are no powerful magic users here or mind manipulators that we know of."
Vinny smirked. "I call hogwash on yer stories. Yer just tryin' ta get out of payin' fer yer chaos and mess. I'll work ya double!"
A cough and gurgle came from the barrel. It seemed the burly man was coming to. "You bastards, the lot of you. I will kill you in your sleep. As for you, you useless gnomes, help me out of this damn barrel!"
"Oh, yer still alive, eh. Shame, that," cursed Vinny under his breath. "Ay, ay, hold yer tiny melons, I'll be gettin' ta ya soon enough."
Noticing the foursome were still in a state of shock, Lucy smiled, "Ah, looks like you are wondering where in the nine hells you are and who we are, am I correct?" He paused for a moment to think. "You are in the Green Crabs Tavern in the Village of Telás of the Kingdom of Betún. How you arrived here, that I am ignorant of."
He pulled out another apron and some rags from a nearby wooden chest and threw them at the dwarf. "Not sure that will cover your treasures very well, but feel free to visit me later on and I can help you find some pants." He winked, "I am Sergius Lucius Verelius. That foul looking idiot there is my brother, Caius Vinicius Verelius."
"Who’s a foul looking idiot, ya corrupt half-breed!" spat Vinny. "Ay, I be Caius Vinicius Verelius. Terrible name, so call me Vinny. That perverted swine molester there be Lucy, and this muscle bound fool be Borash. Ta be honest, I still think that be a stupid name, but that's what stuck for years. He's a bit of a mystery, yeah."
Vinny snorted. "Alright, enough chatter. Back ta work ya drunken fools. Even after sellin' yer gear, ya still gots a couple hunnerd gold pieces ta work off!"
Uzig wastes no time tying the rags to cover himself to the best of his abilities as he watches the gnomes leave the room. He looks back at Borash and winks. “Borash, eh...” The dwarf rolls up his sleeves and grabs a mop (which is almost twice his height) from the nearby wall. “Your name has inspired me, my insensate barrel-garbed ignoramus.” He then leans on the mop and looks to the ceiling as he begins to recite a verse.
“Borash, a man of simple taste,
Uses urine to wash his face.
His body quite large,
Opposed to his head.
Even his mother wishes him dead.”
Uzig contemplates his words for a second. “This strophe has a few too many enjambments in it. Perhaps after some spirits it's true form will come to me.” He starts mopping and accidentally backs into the potato sack during his work. “Oh, right. You.”
Uzig examines the potato sack in order to see if the thief needs medical attention. (Assuming he/she does, I use cure wounds on the man/woman. (7).
(If he/she doesn't, ignore the roll).
Generic saving roll for DM (3)
Uzig cast cure wounds on the potato sack man and his raspy gurgling slowly stopped and was replaced by a more natural and rhythmic breathing. The person inside seemed to be unconscious, but at least not under any imminent threat of death. For now.
The gnomes went off back to their place somewhere in the tavern and Borash eventually freed himself from the barrel. His huge, hulking physique no longer appeared as threatening with the reek of urine, blood, and wine. In fact, it was almost comical.
Death blazed in his eyes, his silence frigid, he walked out of the room. For such a large man, his steps made nary a sound, almost as if he floated on the wooden boards.
The air reeks of vomit, wine, urine, sweat and broken pride. It is late morning, and there is much to clean and fix before the tavern gets busy.
Uzig takes a closer look at the person he just healed. (If needed, Perception check 19)
Uzig leans forward a bit, trying to understand the strange, broken shape before his eyes.
The body was slim, almost lanky. It was wrapped in dark clothes, with greys and blacks to help blend in the darkness. As Uzig gently lifted the potato sack cloth from the body, a web of bloody silver hair clung to a dark, handsome face. It was a dark elf-wretch! What a rare find!
The thief didn't seem to have any equipment on him, nor weapons.
After gently poking and prodding the thief, the sound of heavy footsteps coming towards the group could be heard, along with course words.
"...damned wretch will get his hands cut off for this!" said a gruff voice. "He bears the Brand of Lí. We need to execute him."
Three men came into the room. Borash and what appeared to be two constables. They wore the military style chain mail and had swords on their hips. One of the brandished a bit of cruel looking rope, which was more like vines with thorns.
"Alright, we will tie him up and throw him in the pit with the rest of the dogs, see if they like fresh meat," the gruff voice said. "You, there!" he pointed at Uzig. "Step away from that criminal, he's dangerous!"
As soon as these words were uttered, the room suddenly began filling with dark smoke that choked and blinded.
"What in the nine hells is going on?!" yelled another voice, most likely the second constable. "My eyes!"
The room was hazy, nearly impossible to see a few feet in front. The constables ran towards the direction of the potato sack.
"Curses and damnations, he's not here! I thought you said he was incapacitated!" the gruff constable screamed at Borash.
"He was! I broke my fry pan on his skull! He should be near death by now..." coughed Borash.
When the smoke cleared, the thief was gone.
The constables looked around, agitated and apoplectic. "Who in the nine hells healed this wretch?! You are now responsible for whatever actions he does!"
The dwarf snaps back at the constables. "Where to begin! After barely surviving an altercation with this muscle bound fool moments ago, he storms out of this room leaving a nearly dead man with no explanation. How was I to know he was a thief? I did the honorable thing and tried to save a life. If this thief were so dangerous why didn't Borash, a stupid name I know, bother to take the thief to you immediately? He just left him here, not a god damn word about it! How in the bloody hell is this MY responsibility? If anything, it's that moronic oaf's responsibility for being so negligent. I'm just a poor cleric trying to work off a debt through honest labor, and before me I see another unfortunate soul in need of medical attention. I thought he was working off a debt and had been abused just as my compatriots and I by that monster standing next to you!"
Uzig makes a Charisma check (2)
Kaeros kept out of the argument, moving his rag back and forth on a piece of wood but not really cleaning anything. He smirked; he liked this dwarf fellow. Reminded him of the dwarves that often visited his village back when. He exchanged glances with the other two in the room. Noticed that no one else was stepping forward, he cleared his throat.
"The dwarf speaks the truth." He spoke to the guards but looked long and hard at Borash. "We all awoke in this room, tied up, robbed. Beaten to a bloody mess.." He gestured to the bloody elf, Yandy.
He lowered his voice to a whisper. "I do think that pervert even relieved himself on the dwarf there." He pointed to the brute, Borash, and then to the dwarf's soiled garments, shaking his head in disgust.
"Is this how travelers are treated here in Telas?"
Borash's face darkened with rage. Before he could even speak, one of the constables raised his hand to silence the room.
"You lot are most suspect. You are not from here, nor are you known to any of us. For all we know, you and that damned thief are collaborators." He silenced the room again. "I am not accusing you, nor do we have any proof. I will, however, politely ask that you accompany us to the gaol so we can get to the bottom of this."
He noticed the four get tense and indignant. "Please note that I am NOT accusing you," he said in a gruff voice. "I am merely trying to decipher this puzzle. Think of it this way, if you will: five strangers arrive here, cause problems, one of them is a dangerous criminal who escapes. Are you collaborators? Or just unfortunate? Until I can verify that you are no threat, I have no choice but to ask for your cooperation."
He eyed the four. "If you do not acquiesce to my rather polite request, you can be assured that I have near unlimited leeway by order of the Government of Betún to do what is necessary to keep the peace."
He paused, and turned to Borash and nodded. The burly man's grin was cruel and feral and the terror caused the four to shudder. "This man here, although he doesn't look like it, was the Kingdom's best tracker and a veteran of the Kobold Wars. He has no problems cutting down the lot of you, and I would have no problems unleashing him."
"However," he continued. "I do not wish to add more paper bureaucracy to my already heavy plate, with all the problems we are currently having. Please don't keep adding more and just come quietly."
He looked at his companion and Borash. They reluctantly acquiesced.
"If that's what you decree, Sir Varius, then I will follow your command," said the other constable.
"I will follow your word, Sir Varius. I hope they decline so I can hunt and kill them," grinned Borash.
The head constable, Sir Varius, nodded and then looked at the four. "What say you?"
"I will have to pray a second before I decide." Uzig then kneels and looks to the ceiling, muttering to himself with his hands tented together. After his brief prayer he labors to his feet again, rubbing his head. "Aye, I've nothing to hide. The lord shall see me proven innocent of any wrong doing. Oh, do you have any cakes at this gaol, Sir... what was it, Sir Var-anus? I should appreciate some mead as well, I've not drunk anything for HOURS!" The dwarf struts up and stands next to Borash, clapping him on the back as he hands him his mop. "Don't worry, I'd never run from you. Why, as soon as I took a piss you would track me down in minutes I'm sure!" The dwarf starts laughing hysterically.
While doing her best to effect the terrible mess in the room, Xan listens carefully to the conversation taking place between the others and the constables and finding it incredibly confusing. It seems that she, along with the others, are being accused of collaborating with the recently escaped thief. Combined with the previous indignity leveled at her by the gnomes, Xan was starting to get the impression that she should have stayed with the ghosts of her brothers and sisters at the destroyed ruins of her home rather than come out among this "Civilization." While considering this, she decides that its in her best interest to lay down her cleaning supplies and turn to face the constables while doing her best to demonstrate her acquiescence to their demands in her posture.