“Here lies all kinds of dead people pecked to death by abyssal infernal chickens. Thou should have been more powerful, or well trained, and been better prepared for thy fate."
“I feel like ‘everything is on fire, but not really’ is an excellent description of this entire campaign!”
“Listen, I just want to hear it from you so that when you lie to us I can say ‘I told you so’ later.
“I’m sorry for not properly filtering my inner monologue.”
(I had to add some Beyond Heroes quotes to this amazing thread)
"I like how we measure success by things not exploding."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I was having one of those rare and truly pleasurable DM moments where you just sit back and listen to your players RP with each other, talking about your world in character, for like 45 minutes.
> Druid turns to fighter, having a discussion about the orc raids
> Druid: "Do you consider Orcs to be people?"
> Fighter is a half-orc
> Fighter's dad is literally an orc
> Fighter stares at druid
The person playing the druid took a few seconds to catch on, bless her, and everyone at the table burst out laughing at how her lovely, angelic Aasimar druid accidentally became a blatant and outspoken racist.
Paraphrased from a stream at the successful(?) end to a campaign:
DM: "...and that's how the adventurers blew half of the town into the ocean."
Paraphrased from another stream of the same adventurers at the end of another successful(?) campaign:
DM: "...and that's how the adventurers turned an entire forest of animals blind."
Paraphrased from yet another stream of the same adventurers near the end of yet another successful(?) campaign:
DM: "As the dust settles in the town square, you think you hear people approaching and cheering, but when the townsfolk arrive, they're carrying torches and pitchforks and shouting, 'GET OUT!!'"
Yes. There is a common theme here with those particular adventurers.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
We reached a room concealed by magical darkness. Our warlock, who has devil's sight, had recently been attacked by an intellect devourer and had an intelligence score of 1. So she immediately ran into the room, leaped over the desk, and launched herself at the guy sitting there. He was knocked unconscious. She shouted out,
"He's dead!"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
Okay, so my group ran a 1 to 20 campaign that lasted around three years. Throughout the campaign, one of the players - a tiefling assassin - had a habit of saying, "F-ck a duck!" whenever something bad would happen.
Well, by the end of the campaign, after outwitting a hag, making a deal with a devil, killing a dragon, negotiating with an assassin's guild, negotiating with a marid, destroying a cult, killing an undead dragon (the same one we had killed previously), escaping from the plane of fire, and literally journeying to into the Hells to kill a lich who was trying to become a Devil Lord, we finally encountered the BBEG on his own turf for the final Final Battle.
And as we arrive and see the awesomeness of the task before us, our tiefling assassin throws up her hands and shouts, "Well! Here's all my ducks! F-CK 'EM!"
Maybe you had to be there.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Tayn of Darkwood. Lvl 10 human Life Cleric of Lathander. Retired.
Ikram Sahir ibn Malik al-Sayyid Ra'ad, Second Son of the House of Ra'ad, Defender of the Burning Sands. Lvl 9 Brass Dragonborn Sorcerer + Greater Fire Elemental Devil.
Viktor Gavriil. Lvl 20 White Dragonborn Grave Cleric, of Kurgan the God of Death.
In my ToA campaign, the following dialogue happened.
Volo is walking around in Port Nyanzaru, and the characters approach him.
Volo smiles, "Would you like to purchase my latest book, Volo's Guide to Monsters? It details several species of creatures that you may find anywhere you travel in your quests!"
"Sure," The Dragonborn asks, "What creatures? Does it talk about chickens?"
"Oh, yes." He mutters contemplatively, "The Legendary Chickens of the North." (He rolled a natural one for nature, with disadvantage, twice.) "I've heard of those monstrous beasts of great size, and terrifying beaks."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
When my brother and I were kids, we were playing and our characters leveled up immediately after beating some random hobgoblins. His fighter stopped for a second and said "I feel, like...charged up." He's said it in several campaigns we've played together since. Good memories. :-)
Also: "Someday I'm gonna wake up dead." Our aging gnome, who sadly lasted one session.
party was just ambushed by Orcs. 1 was kept alive and taken prisoner. Paladin with low Int, forces Orc, and party, to head back to Orcs base, to talk to the leader of the Orcs.
orcs bade is a literal castle, patrols, sentries, party is squeamish, low int paladin assures them- “they attack Garr. Garr attack back. Is simple. They will not attack Garr. Garr has given no reason. See. Garr brings back their coward ambushed alive.”
no problems at gate. Lead to the leader.
apparently the town nearby has put a bounty on the leader’s head. She’s skeptical.
”are you from the town?!”
20-int gnome wizard starts to try and talk “we....”
low intelligent paladin interrupts.
”Garr is from town.” (Literally thinking ahead asked if they were from ANY town, vs a cave, or whatever)
”you’re from the town?”
”Garr is from town! Garr will not repeat himself a 3rd time.”
”are you emissaries for (shady nobles name here)”
”Garr is emissary to Garr alone!” (Dragonborn paladin bends over, in the middle of the conversation, all the way down to whisper (Nat 1 on the stealth for whisper) into the 20-int forest gnome wizards ear) “what means ‘emissary’?”
it ended with the paladin successfully negotiating the release of a hostage the Orcs has from the town. A knight of the corrupt noble showing up, attacking Garr, and Garr smiting him.
the gnome wizard is used to Garr. But the rogue, the artificer Orc translator, some NPCs, our fighter, and Kenku sorcerer all still in disbelief at how Garr pulled it off.
-
View User Profile
-
View Posts
-
Send Message
Insider“A pickle in winter is nothing to laugh at.”
“Here lies all kinds of dead people pecked to death by abyssal infernal chickens. Thou should have been more powerful, or well trained, and been better prepared for thy fate."
“I feel like ‘everything is on fire, but not really’ is an excellent description of this entire campaign!”
“Listen, I just want to hear it from you so that when you lie to us I can say ‘I told you so’ later.
“I’m sorry for not properly filtering my inner monologue.”
(I had to add some Beyond Heroes quotes to this amazing thread)
Find me on Twitter: @OboeLauren
"I like how we measure success by things not exploding."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I was having one of those rare and truly pleasurable DM moments where you just sit back and listen to your players RP with each other, talking about your world in character, for like 45 minutes.
> Druid turns to fighter, having a discussion about the orc raids
> Druid: "Do you consider Orcs to be people?"
> Fighter is a half-orc
> Fighter's dad is literally an orc
> Fighter stares at druid
The person playing the druid took a few seconds to catch on, bless her, and everyone at the table burst out laughing at how her lovely, angelic Aasimar druid accidentally became a blatant and outspoken racist.
wow! 40+ funny quotes! thank you all for your cooperation! I thought it would only get like, 8 or so! thank you!
"If there's a Pear, there's a way!"
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
Paraphrased from a stream at the successful(?) end to a campaign:
DM: "...and that's how the adventurers blew half of the town into the ocean."
Paraphrased from another stream of the same adventurers at the end of another successful(?) campaign:
DM: "...and that's how the adventurers turned an entire forest of animals blind."
Paraphrased from yet another stream of the same adventurers near the end of yet another successful(?) campaign:
DM: "As the dust settles in the town square, you think you hear people approaching and cheering, but when the townsfolk arrive, they're carrying torches and pitchforks and shouting, 'GET OUT!!'"
Yes. There is a common theme here with those particular adventurers.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"Well only half the party's sober ... "
We reached a room concealed by magical darkness. Our warlock, who has devil's sight, had recently been attacked by an intellect devourer and had an intelligence score of 1. So she immediately ran into the room, leaped over the desk, and launched herself at the guy sitting there. He was knocked unconscious. She shouted out,
"He's dead!"
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
BTW: He was not dead.
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
Okay, so my group ran a 1 to 20 campaign that lasted around three years. Throughout the campaign, one of the players - a tiefling assassin - had a habit of saying, "F-ck a duck!" whenever something bad would happen.
Well, by the end of the campaign, after outwitting a hag, making a deal with a devil, killing a dragon, negotiating with an assassin's guild, negotiating with a marid, destroying a cult, killing an undead dragon (the same one we had killed previously), escaping from the plane of fire, and literally journeying to into the Hells to kill a lich who was trying to become a Devil Lord, we finally encountered the BBEG on his own turf for the final Final Battle.
And as we arrive and see the awesomeness of the task before us, our tiefling assassin throws up her hands and shouts, "Well! Here's all my ducks! F-CK 'EM!"
Maybe you had to be there.
Tayn of Darkwood. Lvl 10 human Life Cleric of Lathander. Retired.
Ikram Sahir ibn Malik al-Sayyid Ra'ad, Second Son of the House of Ra'ad, Defender of the Burning Sands. Lvl 9 Brass Dragonborn Sorcerer + Greater Fire Elemental Devil.
Viktor Gavriil. Lvl 20 White Dragonborn Grave Cleric, of Kurgan the God of Death.
Anzio Faro. Lvl 5 Prot. Aasimar Light Cleric.
All these are from my home game:
Fighter: "You do remember this warehouse had explosive in it right?"
Wizard: As warehouse has large hole in it from explosion: "I may have forgotten that one detail"
Fighter: " I told you not 3 seconds ago"
Tabaxi Swashbuckler Tailor: " For that outfit your wearing I should kill you on pure principle."
Half-Orc Monk OOC: "These hand are rated E for Everyone"
In my ToA campaign, the following dialogue happened.
Volo is walking around in Port Nyanzaru, and the characters approach him.
Volo smiles, "Would you like to purchase my latest book, Volo's Guide to Monsters? It details several species of creatures that you may find anywhere you travel in your quests!"
"Sure," The Dragonborn asks, "What creatures? Does it talk about chickens?"
"Oh, yes." He mutters contemplatively, "The Legendary Chickens of the North." (He rolled a natural one for nature, with disadvantage, twice.) "I've heard of those monstrous beasts of great size, and terrifying beaks."
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
Spells, Monsters, Subclasses, Races, Arcknight Class, Occultist Class, World, Enigmatic Esoterica forms
Halfling fighter (Int score of 5)
To Gold dragon:
Why do you have a treasure hoard, you are literally made of gold.
I am Cadenza, but my enemies call me Accent so they can attack me. But the ladies call me Fermata so they can … hold me.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt
Thief: *steals a legendary weapon from a high priced store*
Paladin: You know stealing is illegal right?
Thief: It's not illegal if you don't get caught.
No one suspects a bush to hide in another bush
"I would like to use the Goblin as a weapon."
"Roll a Perform (Flatulence) check."
"Yeah, I hate Elves, but your too filthy to count as one, so we're friends."
"Pelor card?"
"The ferret begins berating the Assembly of Gods."
"Look for 'The Lucky Britches'."
"I play the horse like the Bagpipes."
*Invisible and spooky voice* "Don't believe him, he's totally in on it."
"We just barely got here and we already found a genocide in the making!"
"Screw reporting it, I want to engage in illegal fantasy robot cock-fighting!"
When my brother and I were kids, we were playing and our characters leveled up immediately after beating some random hobgoblins. His fighter stopped for a second and said "I feel, like...charged up." He's said it in several campaigns we've played together since. Good memories. :-)
Also: "Someday I'm gonna wake up dead." Our aging gnome, who sadly lasted one session.
Wizard (Gandalf) of the Tolkien Club
Setting:
party was just ambushed by Orcs. 1 was kept alive and taken prisoner. Paladin with low Int, forces Orc, and party, to head back to Orcs base, to talk to the leader of the Orcs.
orcs bade is a literal castle, patrols, sentries, party is squeamish, low int paladin assures them- “they attack Garr. Garr attack back. Is simple. They will not attack Garr. Garr has given no reason. See. Garr brings back their coward ambushed alive.”
no problems at gate. Lead to the leader.
apparently the town nearby has put a bounty on the leader’s head. She’s skeptical.
”are you from the town?!”
20-int gnome wizard starts to try and talk “we....”
low intelligent paladin interrupts.
”Garr is from town.” (Literally thinking ahead asked if they were from ANY town, vs a cave, or whatever)
”you’re from the town?”
”Garr is from town! Garr will not repeat himself a 3rd time.”
”are you emissaries for (shady nobles name here)”
”Garr is emissary to Garr alone!” (Dragonborn paladin bends over, in the middle of the conversation, all the way down to whisper (Nat 1 on the stealth for whisper) into the 20-int forest gnome wizards ear) “what means ‘emissary’?”
it ended with the paladin successfully negotiating the release of a hostage the Orcs has from the town. A knight of the corrupt noble showing up, attacking Garr, and Garr smiting him.
the gnome wizard is used to Garr. But the rogue, the artificer Orc translator, some NPCs, our fighter, and Kenku sorcerer all still in disbelief at how Garr pulled it off.
Blank
😂😂😂😂 I can totally picture Garr saying that... (see above post)
Blank
LITERALLY JUST HAPPENED 30 seconds ago!
Illusionary cat tells our barbarian something.
Half-orc barbarian with 9 int 9 wis. "is it lying to me?"
dm: "rollinsight"
rolls a 14, very rare for him to roll that well on insight.
DM: "The cat seems to be telling the truth, he's not being disingenuous at this time."
Barbarian OOC: Wait? So its telling me the truth now but is planning on lying to me later?
DM: "What? No! Did you eat paint chips?"
Blank