Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
"We all play DnD because in some teeny tiny capacity it has a little to do with wish fulfillment. Me? I get to eat Donald Trump."
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Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie." Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me. I'm allergic to fireball
"The long, sweeping hair granted by the hags prismatic barbershop-machine allows you to cast "Thunderwave" at 5th Level, once per long rest...if you bang your head."
I would have preferred a sentient weapon voiced by Rowdy Roddy Piper.
"I'm here to chew bubblegum and slay dragons.... and I'm all out of bubblegum!"
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Tayn of Darkwood. Lvl 10 human Life Cleric of Lathander. Retired.
Ikram Sahir ibn Malik al-Sayyid Ra'ad, Second Son of the House of Ra'ad, Defender of the Burning Sands. Lvl 9 Brass Dragonborn Sorcerer + Greater Fire Elemental Devil.
Viktor Gavriil. Lvl 20 White Dragonborn Grave Cleric, of Kurgan the God of Death.
I wasn't done preparing for the next session, and whenever that happens I run a "non-canon fever dream trip to Disneyland/Disneyworld" session instead so the party still gets to play DnD. They're pretty simple, I just let the players know a day or two ahead of time and they decide which part of the parks they want to go to (Magic Kingdom, Epcot, etc.), then I throw in a few random events depending on where they want to go.
This time I had a group of hognose yuan-ti raid the Pirates of The Carribean ride for fake weapons and then use those to take over the Hall of Presidents. Instead of negotiating with them or driving them out like I thought they would, the party got along pretty well with the hognose yuan-ti and asked them if they could vandalize the animatronics(the yuan-ti were pretty cool with this, they didn't like the big moving-but-not-alive things). Part of the vandalizing involved the sorceress taking a bite out of the Donald Trump animatronic.
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Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie." Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me. I'm allergic to fireball
Our halfling monk has been waiting for a chance to use deflect missile and send it back at the attacker, but so far, hasn't been targeted by an arrow attack.
Monk (I think OOC): Someone shoot me, please!
{A few minutes later}
DM: The four elite guards target [monk] with their bows...
Monk: Finally!
DM: ... and there's nothing he can do about it because he's already used his reaction. {He used "Bountiful Luck" to negate another player's nat 1 earlier in the round.}
Monk (OOC): {Head butts the table, then proceeds to calmly get out of his chair and lie down on the ground.}
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=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
It’s not quite from the campaign itself, but we play on discord, and we’re having trouble figuring something out, because our DM knew very little about running a server. A party member asks to be made admin because they could help, which led to this funny line: “Giving you admin is like giving an arsonist access to a gas tanker.”
*an elderly chap convinces the Sorcerer to come with him to help him find his way back to his daughter* *once isolated, the old man attempts to kill the Sorcerer with a blade* *Sorcerer attempts to bludgeon the attacker non-lethally with his staff and whiffs it* *Sorcerer Quickens*
Sorcerer (ooc): "Everyone saw that I tried to give him a chance. Right?"
*Sorcerer casts Thunderwave on elderly attacker causing significant damage* *elderly enemy holds his bleeding ears and starts crying*
Sorcerer (ic): "Well... now I feel really bad about that."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
So, I was playing a halfling monk (named Jasper), and the campaign was Storm King's Thunder, and we were searching for one of the caches at the beginning of the campaign (party consisted of a human druid, a halfling monk [played by me, as previously stated], a halfling cleric, a silver dragonborn sorcerer, a human barbarian, and a drow rogue). In the first cache, me and the druid managed to help the cat-sized bear (she was cursed to be cat-sized and was named Berry, after her favorite food, berries). Berry could fit easily into a backpack, and that is how I often carried her. Well, on the path to one of the other caches, we came across a lone hobgoblin, who was very rude (even the other hobgoblins didn't like him). Hobgoblin was asking use (rudely) for money in order to continue forth, trying to act scary, just being a jerk in general.
Me, thinking as my character: Maybe showing him Berry would calm him down. Who wouldn't like a tiny bear?
Then, I, a small halfling monk, pulled Berry out of the backpack (don't worry, it's not completely sealed), held it up, and said: "This is my bear, Berry, do you want to pet her?"
Hobgoblin: "I EAT BEARS!!"
Me: *Putting Berry back into backpack nervously* "Okay, nevermind then."
Throhar, a wizard, is going to meet another wizard, Bunckland. He introduces himself by casting Dancing Lights to get attention.
Bunckland: You could've just said, "Hi," dude. Come on. We're scholars here.
Throhar's Player: I'm going to unflavor the coffee.
He doesn't like coffee. He just wanted caffeine.
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
"Roll a DC15 Wisdom save or begin to panic"
Dm: tia make a perception and perception check.
Me: *rolls low on the perception, but rolls 18 in investigation with my -1 in intelligence*
Also me: OH REALLY?? THE ONE TIME MY INTELLIGENCE ISNT GOOD FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN NATURE AND RELIGION CHECKS!
You said perception twice, btw.
"We all play DnD because in some teeny tiny capacity it has a little to do with wish fulfillment. Me? I get to eat Donald Trump."
Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken
Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie."
Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings
Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me.
I'm allergic to fireball
"The long, sweeping hair granted by the hags prismatic barbershop-machine allows you to cast "Thunderwave" at 5th Level, once per long rest...if you bang your head."
"I would like to feed my wig a cracker."
"Make an Animal Handling check."
"18."
"...the hair snatches the cracker from your fingers and...you feel an unusual sensation in your...I dunno...follicles...?"
"...it feels good, alright?"
Our party Rogue was turned to stone by a malfunctioning machine belonging to a hag...
Rogue: "I would like to roll to see how freaked out I am by this."
DM: "Uh...I don't really have a skill for that, so...try and beat a 10?"
Rogue: (rolls a d20)
Rogue: "...I am surprisingly calm, despite being a rock."
Bard: "How are we going to carry him with us?"
Barbarian: "We could...I dunno...maybe break him into smaller pieces? Then we could each carry a small part of him?"
Cleric: "Um...I don't if I can heal that..."
Rogue: "Alright...how freaked out about THAT am I?!"
DM: "Make another roll."
Rogue: (rolls another d20)
Rogue: "...once again, I am strangely calm & alright with this plan."
I would have preferred a sentient weapon voiced by Rowdy Roddy Piper.
"I'm here to chew bubblegum and slay dragons.... and I'm all out of bubblegum!"
Tayn of Darkwood. Lvl 10 human Life Cleric of Lathander. Retired.
Ikram Sahir ibn Malik al-Sayyid Ra'ad, Second Son of the House of Ra'ad, Defender of the Burning Sands. Lvl 9 Brass Dragonborn Sorcerer + Greater Fire Elemental Devil.
Viktor Gavriil. Lvl 20 White Dragonborn Grave Cleric, of Kurgan the God of Death.
Anzio Faro. Lvl 5 Prot. Aasimar Light Cleric.
There is a story behind this that I want to hear.
Sorry. xD
I wasn't done preparing for the next session, and whenever that happens I run a "non-canon fever dream trip to Disneyland/Disneyworld" session instead so the party still gets to play DnD. They're pretty simple, I just let the players know a day or two ahead of time and they decide which part of the parks they want to go to (Magic Kingdom, Epcot, etc.), then I throw in a few random events depending on where they want to go.
This time I had a group of hognose yuan-ti raid the Pirates of The Carribean ride for fake weapons and then use those to take over the Hall of Presidents. Instead of negotiating with them or driving them out like I thought they would, the party got along pretty well with the hognose yuan-ti and asked them if they could vandalize the animatronics(the yuan-ti were pretty cool with this, they didn't like the big moving-but-not-alive things). Part of the vandalizing involved the sorceress taking a bite out of the Donald Trump animatronic.
Morrigan Corax, The Phantom Queen, Breaker of The Elemental Chains, and Flaming Chicken
Cassilia Decalia, Servant of His Xanthous Majesty. "It's not narcissism, it's histrionicism, dearie."
Dokuhebi Tsuchinoko, child of the serpent goddess and temporary mother of squidlings
Envelope Lastname is going to be the death of me.
I'm allergic to fireball
"The druid got killed by wolves."
Our halfling monk has been waiting for a chance to use deflect missile and send it back at the attacker, but so far, hasn't been targeted by an arrow attack.
Monk (I think OOC): Someone shoot me, please!
{A few minutes later}
DM: The four elite guards target [monk] with their bows...
Monk: Finally!
DM: ... and there's nothing he can do about it because he's already used his reaction. {He used "Bountiful Luck" to negate another player's nat 1 earlier in the round.}
Monk (OOC): {Head butts the table, then proceeds to calmly get out of his chair and lie down on the ground.}
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
It’s not quite from the campaign itself, but we play on discord, and we’re having trouble figuring something out, because our DM knew very little about running a server. A party member asks to be made admin because they could help, which led to this funny line: “Giving you admin is like giving an arsonist access to a gas tanker.”
Even unconscious, this halfling refuses to die!
A recent stream:
*an elderly chap convinces the Sorcerer to come with him to help him find his way back to his daughter*
*once isolated, the old man attempts to kill the Sorcerer with a blade*
*Sorcerer attempts to bludgeon the attacker non-lethally with his staff and whiffs it*
*Sorcerer Quickens*
Sorcerer (ooc): "Everyone saw that I tried to give him a chance. Right?"
*Sorcerer casts Thunderwave on elderly attacker causing significant damage*
*elderly enemy holds his bleeding ears and starts crying*
Sorcerer (ic): "Well... now I feel really bad about that."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
So, I was playing a halfling monk (named Jasper), and the campaign was Storm King's Thunder, and we were searching for one of the caches at the beginning of the campaign (party consisted of a human druid, a halfling monk [played by me, as previously stated], a halfling cleric, a silver dragonborn sorcerer, a human barbarian, and a drow rogue). In the first cache, me and the druid managed to help the cat-sized bear (she was cursed to be cat-sized and was named Berry, after her favorite food, berries). Berry could fit easily into a backpack, and that is how I often carried her. Well, on the path to one of the other caches, we came across a lone hobgoblin, who was very rude (even the other hobgoblins didn't like him). Hobgoblin was asking use (rudely) for money in order to continue forth, trying to act scary, just being a jerk in general.
Me, thinking as my character: Maybe showing him Berry would calm him down. Who wouldn't like a tiny bear?
Then, I, a small halfling monk, pulled Berry out of the backpack (don't worry, it's not completely sealed), held it up, and said: "This is my bear, Berry, do you want to pet her?"
Hobgoblin: "I EAT BEARS!!"
Me: *Putting Berry back into backpack nervously* "Okay, nevermind then."
We ended up killing the hobgoblin.
During a fight with 3 displacer ducks. Ones left alive and I (a goliath genie warlock)am annoyed, so I grabbed it by the neck and frightened it.
Me: Where is your god NOW? OH RIGHT! SHE'S RIGHT HERE!! AND IM ALL OUT OF MERCY!!!
DM after I rolled high to intimidate: this thing starts leaking white fluid from underneath it.