Towel of adventuring

(this is a joke item)
towel of adventuring, rare magic item, no attunment
can expand to 200ft of rope that can hold up to 2000 lb of weight
produces tasteless slurry that fullfill one human's nutritional needs once per day,
when worn on your head, gives you 1hr of air and makes any one trying to look at your face just see a black void, the hour of air is once per day,
can absorb up to 200 kg of non magical liquid that is not in a creature, once per day,,
repels vermin, certain insects and pests, and similar creatures below CR1
by placing an item on it and then saying the name of the item, it will dissappear into an extradimensional space, by saying the item name again, it will reappear, holds up to 5kg in a 0.25mx0.25mx0.25m space
if broken, will automatically reknit itself when submerged in hot water good as new
when inspected or detect magic is cast on it, appears to be a normal towel