I quite like the idea behind this; it's a little tricky to gauge balance as the abilities are overall quite strong, but at the same time you're only getting two points of ability score increase instead of the usual three, though I've never been quite sure how to rate the strength of a single ability point.
I've a few queries about some abilities:
Skulking: What does this actually grant? It mentions the terms both minor illusion and "disguising one's self", does it grant Minor Illusion or Disguise Self? And if it grants one or both, how often can you use them? A once per long rest Disguise Self might be reasonable for example, or is it intended that the race can remain disguised for longer? I think the description just isn't very clear on this ability.
Claws: Is it intentional that these use Dexterity instead of Strength? Claw attacks for other races are usually still Strength based; while it would make sense for claws to be usable with Dexterity, the D&D precedent for this is to be Strength based so it's probably better to be consistent. For example, even Aarakocra who are very much dexterity oriented still use Strength for their upgraded Talons attack, only by multi-classing as Monk can you officially use Dexterity for unarmed strikes, though I suspect there's probably a homebrew feat or twenty for doing this as well (Wizards of the Coast really ought to do an official one).
Bite: With Claws in mind, it might make sense to make the stronger Bite attack a once-per-turn option, so if you have multiple attacks you will attack mostly with claws and once with the bite for the extra damage. An alternative might be to combine claws and bite together (same damage die of d4) with the only difference being damage type (slashing vs. piercing) and the bite not being obstructed by weapons etc. I did something along these lines for my Brute (Large) Troll race, which can also do a bonus action attack with an off hand claw or bite; the damage for that is d6 as it's a Large race (and has penalties to counter that) but you might consider something similar at d4 damage? Just an idea.
Other than that I think there are some issues of format and spelling; I spotted a few wrong words (stunned instead of stunted, undo instead of undue, "Do to" instead of "Due to" and a few others). You might also take a look at the How to Add Tooltips topic, those are handy for when you reference things like Intimidation checks. Lastly, you've got a bit of duplication between your description and racial traits; official races put stuff like age, size, alignment, languages etc. as racial traits with no features (modifiers etc.), you can leave "show in builder" and "show on sheet" unchecked for these to have them only appear on the main race, this way it keeps everything grouped together in a single section.
All of these are minor issues, but when you've clearly put work in your lore for the race it can be good to get it as official looking as you can.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Former D&D Beyond Customer of six years: With the axing of piecemeal purchasing, lack of meaningful development, and toxic moderation the site isn't worth paying for anymore. I remain a free user only until my groups are done migrating from DDB, and if necessary D&D, after which I'm done. There are better systems owned by better companies out there.
I have unsubscribed from all topics and will not reply to messages. My homebrew is now 100% unsupported.
Thanks for looking over it, I did all this on my phone, which is not the best platform for this 😉. When I get on a computer I'll definitely fix those. Also how many tooltips are too many? 😀
Thanks for looking over it, I did all this on my phone, which is not the best platform for this 😉. When I get on a computer I'll definitely fix those. Also how many tooltips are too many? 😀
In that case I'm impressed, I can't get anything done on my phone!
As for tooltips, I probably put in too many, but basically what I try to do is to put one in the first time a term is mentioned in a trait, so if you mention Perception near the start of a paragraph you'd do it there, but you might not bother if you mention Perception again later on for the same ability. But if you then suddenly mention Disguise Self for the first time you tooltip that. It's just worth keeping in mind that any trait that can be viewed in the character builder or on the character sheet can be displayed without the rest of your race page handy, so it's good to have the tooltips so if someone wants to quickly refer to a skill, condition etc. then they can just tap/hover over it.
Former D&D Beyond Customer of six years: With the axing of piecemeal purchasing, lack of meaningful development, and toxic moderation the site isn't worth paying for anymore. I remain a free user only until my groups are done migrating from DDB, and if necessary D&D, after which I'm done. There are better systems owned by better companies out there.
I have unsubscribed from all topics and will not reply to messages. My homebrew is now 100% unsupported.
Okay, I think I found everything. I did change a couple of things, I thought It made sense for a race with natural weapons to get "better" with them and hopefully continue to make them pertinent against other optional weapons. Also had a difficult time with some of the traits not appearing currently on the character sheet.
Is a leveling racial natural weapon an bad idea? Overpowered? Or how about a racial ability/feat to regain hit points without using hit dice during a short/long rest?
Nix
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
To post a comment, please login or register a new account.
Just finished writing up my first homebrew race, I think it pretty balanced but it does have a couple of homebrewed traits.
Any feed back would be nice.Thanks
2020-8-12 update: https://www.dndbeyond.com/races/470021-kilkah-kil-kah
Also would like to thank Oramac1968 for his [D&D 5e] Worgen PC race
I quite like the idea behind this; it's a little tricky to gauge balance as the abilities are overall quite strong, but at the same time you're only getting two points of ability score increase instead of the usual three, though I've never been quite sure how to rate the strength of a single ability point.
I've a few queries about some abilities:
Other than that I think there are some issues of format and spelling; I spotted a few wrong words (stunned instead of stunted, undo instead of undue, "Do to" instead of "Due to" and a few others). You might also take a look at the How to Add Tooltips topic, those are handy for when you reference things like Intimidation checks. Lastly, you've got a bit of duplication between your description and racial traits; official races put stuff like age, size, alignment, languages etc. as racial traits with no features (modifiers etc.), you can leave "show in builder" and "show on sheet" unchecked for these to have them only appear on the main race, this way it keeps everything grouped together in a single section.
All of these are minor issues, but when you've clearly put work in your lore for the race it can be good to get it as official looking as you can.
Former D&D Beyond Customer of six years: With the axing of piecemeal purchasing, lack of meaningful development, and toxic moderation the site isn't worth paying for anymore. I remain a free user only until my groups are done migrating from DDB, and if necessary D&D, after which I'm done. There are better systems owned by better companies out there.
I have unsubscribed from all topics and will not reply to messages. My homebrew is now 100% unsupported.
Thanks for looking over it, I did all this on my phone, which is not the best platform for this 😉. When I get on a computer I'll definitely fix those. Also how many tooltips are too many? 😀
Thanks again nix
In that case I'm impressed, I can't get anything done on my phone!
As for tooltips, I probably put in too many, but basically what I try to do is to put one in the first time a term is mentioned in a trait, so if you mention Perception near the start of a paragraph you'd do it there, but you might not bother if you mention Perception again later on for the same ability. But if you then suddenly mention Disguise Self for the first time you tooltip that. It's just worth keeping in mind that any trait that can be viewed in the character builder or on the character sheet can be displayed without the rest of your race page handy, so it's good to have the tooltips so if someone wants to quickly refer to a skill, condition etc. then they can just tap/hover over it.
Former D&D Beyond Customer of six years: With the axing of piecemeal purchasing, lack of meaningful development, and toxic moderation the site isn't worth paying for anymore. I remain a free user only until my groups are done migrating from DDB, and if necessary D&D, after which I'm done. There are better systems owned by better companies out there.
I have unsubscribed from all topics and will not reply to messages. My homebrew is now 100% unsupported.
Okay, I think I found everything. I did change a couple of things, I thought It made sense for a race with natural weapons to get "better" with them and hopefully continue to make them pertinent against other optional weapons. Also had a difficult time with some of the traits not appearing currently on the character sheet.
Thanks Haravik for your feedback
2020-8-12 update: https://www.dndbeyond.com/races/470021-kilkah-kil-kah
Is a leveling racial natural weapon an bad idea? Overpowered? Or how about a racial ability/feat to regain hit points without using hit dice during a short/long rest?
Nix