Hi! Hope I'm in the right spot for this...

I'm a brand-new DM who loves to tell stories. I've had this idea stuck in my head for the longest time and would like some feedback on how to make it feel more 'alive' for my players from session 1. 

I've developed a little bit of the world and the main city/locations, NPCs that will become key to the adventure, etc. However, I still haven't come up with something that binds it all together. Not sure how to explain this. Anyway, here is a little preview. I'm open to constructive criticism if it's going to help! :)

• Game Type: Homebrew - Location Based - High fantasy
• Themes: Adventure, Exploration, Combat
• System: 5E - You will need DNDBeyond to join the campaign and character creation, Discord for audio/chat, and I will provide the Owlbear link for maps.
• Setting: I'm borrowing inspiration from the FFVIII game, my very first FF which holds a special place in my heart.

 Lore: The Olandra Empire created Gardenia, multiple military orphanages around Olandra, as a way to care for the orphaned children of the empire. This was done partly out of a sense of duty and responsibility to care for the less fortunate members of society, but also as a way to ensure that the empire had a steady supply of trained soldiers and other skilled individuals to serve in various roles.

The "Gardens" were designed to provide a safe and nurturing environment for children, where they could receive an education, learn valuable skills, and eventually go on to serve the empire in various capacities. Additionally, the Gardens were seen as a way to instill loyalty to the empire in the orphans, as they were taught to see themselves as part of a larger community and to value the ideals and principles of the empire.

Story Hook: For one reason or another (your backstory), you find yourself an orphan teenager living in Gardenia , Vhalthoz City’s Military Orphanage located deep within the Eldertree forest to the northwest of the city.

Vhalthoz is situated in a valley hidden to the west by tall mountains which contain the Eldertree forest, filled with mystery, dangerous creatures, ancient magic, and unexplored secrets. To the East is the Vhalthoz River which flows south into the Arrevon Sea. It provides access to other continents and opportunities for adventures on the high sea. This makes Vhaldoz City a thriving market for trade and commerce. The city itself is divided into four separate districts; Noble District, University District, Government District, and Merchant District. Each district has its own politics, factions, and intricacies.

Quote from nayru088 >>

Hi! Hope I'm in the right spot for this...

I'm a brand-new DM who loves to tell stories. I've had this idea stuck in my head for the longest time and would like some feedback on how to make it feel more 'alive' for my players from session 1. 

I've developed a little bit of the world and the main city/locations, NPCs that will become key to the adventure, etc. However, I still haven't come up with something that binds it all together. Not sure how to explain this. Anyway, here is a little preview. I'm open to constructive criticism if it's going to help! :)

---

• Game Type: Homebrew - Location Based - High fantasy
• Themes: Adventure, Exploration, Combat
• System: 5E - You will need DNDBeyond to join the campaign and character creation, Discord for audio/chat, and I will provide the Owlbear link for maps.
• Setting: I'm borrowing inspiration from the FFVIII game, my very first FF which holds a special place in my heart.

 Lore: The Olandra Empire created Gardenia, multiple military orphanages around Olandra, as a way to care for the orphaned children of the empire. This was done partly out of a sense of duty and responsibility to care for the less fortunate members of society, but also as a way to ensure that the empire had a steady supply of trained soldiers and other skilled individuals to serve in various roles.

The "Gardens" were designed to provide a safe and nurturing environment for children, where they could receive an education, learn valuable skills, and eventually go on to serve the empire in various capacities. Additionally, the Gardens were seen as a way to instill loyalty to the empire in the orphans, as they were taught to see themselves as part of a larger community and to value the ideals and principles of the empire.

Story Hook: For one reason or another (your backstory), you find yourself an orphan teenager living in Gardenia , Vhalthoz City’s Military Orphanage located deep within the Eldertree forest to the northwest of the city.

Vhalthoz is situated in a valley hidden to the west by tall mountains which contain the Eldertree forest, filled with mystery, dangerous creatures, ancient magic, and unexplored secrets. To the East is the Vhalthoz River which flows south into the Arrevon Sea. It provides access to other continents and opportunities for adventures on the high sea. This makes Vhaldoz City a thriving market for trade and commerce. The city itself is divided into four separate districts; Noble District, University District, Government District, and Merchant District. Each district has its own politics, factions, and intricacies.

 I think this is great I am surprised no one has commented on this keep working on it a little more with the npcs but that's pretty much it I would l9ve to be in this campaign 

Thank you!

Yeah, I've posted it on Reddit and haven't seen any comments yet. I honestly just want to start it :p

You just earned a follow this is great maybe you should just start it maybe just make npcs more in depth

Thanks!

I actually posted it as a campaign on Reddit and will start in June :)

Quote from nayru088 >>

Thanks!

I actually posted it as a campaign on Reddit and will start in June :)

 Could you give me a link to the reddit post if that's not tO much trouble