This Subclass is themed around the cold darkness of space and the cosmic horror elements associated with space. It has a heavy focus on enemy control and sacrifice, giving the player more control over their spells at the cost of their own vitality. The Subclass also grants special benefits to one of my favorite Warlock spells [spells]Hunger of Hadar{/spells], making it a spell you can use in more situations.
Please give it a try and let me know how it goes. I hope you enjoy it.
Seems ok. But unfortunately there are a few issues
1)airs based around a 3rd level spell. Now it is hunger of hadar which is decent spell…at 5th level. Essentially what I’m saying is as a warlock upcasting a third level spell to get any of my features activated is not going to be fun(unless you are already regularly casting it)
2)it self damages. The first level feature could easily knock a 1st level character unconscious and I generally find that the features are not strong envoûte to justifie taking damage for.
Those points are my 2 big issues with it i would think maybe you could create it about feeding enemies life forces to this creature. However If you like the subclass then you keep on playing it.
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And you run, and you run
To catch up with the sun, but it’s sinking
And racingaround
To come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way
But you’re older
Shorter of Breath
And one day closer to death
currently in love with redesigning subclasses send me a message and I will try
I think this is a fun subclass! If I can offer up some criticisms:
First off, there's a reason "tradeoff" subclasses have fallen out of fashion. If your character is on their last couple hp, they want to be able to use their special powers to shift the tide of battle. Instead, you're saying they can't use their special powers without killing themselves. I'd take the "you take X damage" element out of it entirely, and balance appropriately.
Second, it falls into a common homebrew trap, which is that it's trying to communicate too much of the subclass's lore through mechanics. This ties to the damage tradeoffs, which are communicating roleplay more than actual game mechanics.
I don't disagree with EagerestSnow207 either - you're centering it a LOT around one spell, and that's going to limit your usefulness.
To get more specific: Level 3: The spells are good, no notes. I might also grant Ray of Frost, but I see what you're doing. As to the secondary ability, I'd just remove the ability to increase the slowing effect in exchange for damage.
Level 6: This is a lot of stuff that has a lot of different effects, not all of which make much sense narratively. I'd simplify it, and, frankly, I'd give resistance to cold damage here. I'd suggest something like: Your connection to the void has granted you resistance to cold damage. Further, when you cast Hunger of Hadar, you can choose to tear a hole through multiple dimensions. Choose a damage type from the following list: fire, force, lightning, poison, or thunder. You can choose to replace the spell's acid damage with one of these energy types. You may choose a different energy type at the beginning of your turn for the spell's duration.
Level 10: This is mostly good, except for the tradeoffs, and the fact that it's seemingly unlimited uses. I'd simplify it to "If the subject of one of your spells succeeds against the spell's saving throw, you may spend your reaction to impose a penalty to that saving throw equal to your Charisma modifier (minimum -1). This may cause the saving throw to fail. If the subject of the spell still succeeds on the saving throw, [impose moderate penalty here, something like cutting speed in half, dealing some damage, or imposing disadvantage on checks/attacks] until the end of your next turn, as their body and soul are chilled by the touch of the Void. This ability can be used once per Short rest, but you can recharge your available uses by spending one Pact Magic slot (no action required)."
Level 15: I like this ability, but I would want some kind of limitation preventing me from having two Hunger of Hadar castings up at the same time. Also, use more active language. Instead of "you can take a Magic action to beseech your patron to violently close the gateway," just say "you can take a Magic action to violently close the gateway."
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Stare into the Abyss, and when it stares back at you form a Pact with it.
https://www.dndbeyond.com/subclasses/2503202-hungering-void-patron
This Subclass is themed around the cold darkness of space and the cosmic horror elements associated with space. It has a heavy focus on enemy control and sacrifice, giving the player more control over their spells at the cost of their own vitality. The Subclass also grants special benefits to one of my favorite Warlock spells [spells]Hunger of Hadar{/spells], making it a spell you can use in more situations.
Please give it a try and let me know how it goes. I hope you enjoy it.
Seems ok. But unfortunately there are a few issues
1)airs based around a 3rd level spell. Now it is hunger of hadar which is decent spell…at 5th level. Essentially what I’m saying is as a warlock upcasting a third level spell to get any of my features activated is not going to be fun(unless you are already regularly casting it)
2)it self damages. The first level feature could easily knock a 1st level character unconscious and I generally find that the features are not strong envoûte to justifie taking damage for.
Those points are my 2 big issues with it i would think maybe you could create it about feeding enemies life forces to this creature. However If you like the subclass then you keep on playing it.
And you run, and you run
To catch up with the sun, but it’s sinking
And racing around
To come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way
But you’re older
Shorter of Breath
And one day closer to death
currently in love with redesigning subclasses send me a message and I will try
I think this is a fun subclass! If I can offer up some criticisms:
First off, there's a reason "tradeoff" subclasses have fallen out of fashion. If your character is on their last couple hp, they want to be able to use their special powers to shift the tide of battle. Instead, you're saying they can't use their special powers without killing themselves. I'd take the "you take X damage" element out of it entirely, and balance appropriately.
Second, it falls into a common homebrew trap, which is that it's trying to communicate too much of the subclass's lore through mechanics. This ties to the damage tradeoffs, which are communicating roleplay more than actual game mechanics.
I don't disagree with EagerestSnow207 either - you're centering it a LOT around one spell, and that's going to limit your usefulness.
To get more specific:
Level 3: The spells are good, no notes. I might also grant Ray of Frost, but I see what you're doing. As to the secondary ability, I'd just remove the ability to increase the slowing effect in exchange for damage.
Level 6: This is a lot of stuff that has a lot of different effects, not all of which make much sense narratively. I'd simplify it, and, frankly, I'd give resistance to cold damage here. I'd suggest something like:
Your connection to the void has granted you resistance to cold damage.
Further, when you cast Hunger of Hadar, you can choose to tear a hole through multiple dimensions. Choose a damage type from the following list: fire, force, lightning, poison, or thunder. You can choose to replace the spell's acid damage with one of these energy types. You may choose a different energy type at the beginning of your turn for the spell's duration.
Level 10: This is mostly good, except for the tradeoffs, and the fact that it's seemingly unlimited uses. I'd simplify it to "If the subject of one of your spells succeeds against the spell's saving throw, you may spend your reaction to impose a penalty to that saving throw equal to your Charisma modifier (minimum -1). This may cause the saving throw to fail. If the subject of the spell still succeeds on the saving throw, [impose moderate penalty here, something like cutting speed in half, dealing some damage, or imposing disadvantage on checks/attacks] until the end of your next turn, as their body and soul are chilled by the touch of the Void. This ability can be used once per Short rest, but you can recharge your available uses by spending one Pact Magic slot (no action required)."
Level 15: I like this ability, but I would want some kind of limitation preventing me from having two Hunger of Hadar castings up at the same time. Also, use more active language. Instead of "you can take a Magic action to beseech your patron to violently close the gateway," just say "you can take a Magic action to violently close the gateway."