Hey hey there, adventurers. It's time to get stoked about the next Dungeons and Dragons source book, and it's an especially exciting time if you're a fan of deep, textured lore because the next one is Explorer's Guide to Wildemount, a deep dive into the continent featured in Season 2 of Critical Role! There's one particular thing I love about Critical Role that I think even folks who haven't found the show would love to enjoy, and that's a very special exit strategy to many situations called... Fluffernutter. Coined by Mighty Nein party members Jester and Nott, it was a codename for utter mayhem.

For you see, Fluffernutter isn't just an object, it's an idea. A destination in the mind's eye. Sure you need some equipment like a bow, a flaming arrow, and a keg of gunpowder in a portable, throwable size. But you also need ambition. Creativity. Friendship. Because to enjoy your own Fluffernutter, you can't just want to blow up that keg with your flaming arrow, you need churning embers of chaos burned into your retinas.

All you need is for your own Fluffernutter is one friend. One of you must carry, and inevitably chuck an explosive keg at something, and the other friend must hit it with a fiery arrow. [Jester voice] Taynickally you both can be pretty bad at throwing kegs, hitting them with arrows, and you can ultimately ultimately fail to hit the keg at all. But all you need to call your plan a Fluffernutter is that hope beyond hope that you and your friend are completely bonkers, and that the rest of the players at your table will forgive you.

So here are some suggestions for when you and a fellow player could invoke your own Fluffernutter. Warning: None of them are the wisest choice, but all of them are entertaining.

Just one example of Fluffernutter mayhem from S2E39 of Critical Role, as clipped by Eponymous Rose

Patio Dates

Some folks might think to bring a wingman on a date, you know, in case they need to sneak off to the bathroom and ask for advice. But I think you see where this is going- you could also end a bad date by chucking an explosive keg at something, and run away in the confusion as your wingman hits it with a fiery arrow. And specifically on a patio, you know, like at a nice brunch spot in a quaint little town, or a dark dungeon you've been traversing for a while, suddenly rounding a darkened corridor to reveal a door that opens outside to a cute little patio with brunch being served. Man, I love brunch.

A great city for brunch in Wildemount is Zadash, at the Harvest Close festival. There's pumpkin mimosas and everything.

Point being, sometimes you love brunch so much that you need to end the date with a terrifying distraction and run off to eat a second brunch by yourself. So develop a hand signal with your friend—you'll be ready to toss the keg and blow it up when you touch your finger to your nose and start yelling "Fluffernutter!" at the top of your lungs.

Again though, just make sure it's outdoors on a patio. Property damage is rude.

Hydra Dates

So, obviously Fluffernutters are ideal for breaking up a bad date. And I can't recommend enough trying to go on a date where property damage is less of an issue. That's why, when it comes to dates within a Dungeons and Dragons game, I highly recommend:

1. Preparing a Fluffernutter contingency with a friend. But also...
2. Taking your date to a secret cavern beneath the sea, where followers of the end-times leviathan monster Uk'otoa have left a hydra to guard a mythical orb.

Now I know part two sounds like kind of a tough thing to plan, but come on, your date will be so impressed when you show how unafraid you are to multitask flirting with the den of an ancient evil power.

I know, I know, where do you even have the date? Well obviously a hydra would be submerged in some kind of summoning pool. You'd just need to whisper your smooth moves over the groaning chants of the evil beings at Uk'otoa's altar. They'll probably be pretty focused on all the cool stuff that will happen when they get their apocalypse. So try not to overthink it.

Escaping an Orb of Strange and Infinite Power

I'm sorry, I got kind of hung up on "dates" for two-thirds of this piece, didn't I?

Well there's at least one more practical solution I can think of for devising a Fluffernutter with a friend: when you are transported inside an arcane object that is full of chambers, each existing on a demi-plane outside of space and time. Complicated? Well, just call the object "Happy Fun Ball" for short*.

One thing's for sure—no matter what ancient traps, monsters, and tomes you find in these secret chambers, one member of your partner is going to have some impulse control problems. You know, the type who is prone to rifle through a Deck of Many Things, or touch a painting that is obviously a gateway to trans-dimensional travel.

The best solution for such a wildcard in your adventuring group is to have a friend who, though no less impulsive, doesn't constantly grab things and would rather cause a distracting explosion.

Simply wait for the handsy barbarian, warlock, or multiclassed warlock/paladin in question to reach their hand out towards what is clearly a trap that will ruin the linear gameplay you've all been focused on.

Then shout at the top of your lungs "FLUFFERNUTTER!" and chuck the explode-y keg at something that looks relatively useless. Or like a mimic. And boom, your friend will do the rest.

*Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

You can tell I'm legitimately invested in the worlds of Critical Role and Wildemount, and I can't tell you how thrilled I am that it will soon be explorable for all of us in Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount, coming to D&D Beyond on March 13th, 2020, with preorders available now. You can also keep up with the adventures across Wildemount in Critical Role, every Thursday at 7:00 pm PST on www.twitch.tv/CriticalRole.

Dan Telfer is the Dungeons Humorist aka Comedy Archmage for D&D Beyond (a fun way they are letting him say "writer"), dungeon master for the Nerd Poker podcast, a stand-up comedian, a TV writer who also helped win some Emmys over at Comedy Central, and a former editor of MAD Magazine and The Onion. He can be found riding his bike around Los Angeles from gig to gig to gaming store, though the best way to find out what he's up to is to follow him on Twitter via @dantelfer.