The idea's you made seem pretty nice but those are best left for NPC's than PC's the story seem way too forceful to a point that me as a player would feel restrained and barely any option to RP since it's a big rail road by my own story. And from my experience it's a hell hole to play a character with but one reason for his adventure... Destiny. If your player is willing it then it's fine. Though again i feel such stories make awesome NPC's. Surely it brings kinda new things to the table and it's awesome but it'll feel like homework to me at least.