if you'd like, comment on what you think, and what I could improve on:
Race:
Shalona
The Shalona is tall & thin with the structure of a human, and look similar to reptiles. They have long, colorful hair that can come in red, orange, pink, maroon, or strawberry blonde. Gender can be determined by the shade of their hair, males have darker colored hair, while females have a lighter color, and a more feminine waste. They can breathe fire, and use strategies to get prey in a group or alone.
Born form Rebirth
All shalonas believe that if a soul goes to the plane of Cans, Kakanna, the shalona goddess of birth, fuses it with fire energy and the soul becomes a new shalona offspring, yet the new offspring won’t remember anything of its past life, but the soul, like genies, gives the offspring its eye color and quirks.
Tribal Tradition
Most Shalonas live in tribes at abandoned places such as caves, shrines, Abandoned temples, etc. The tribes can tell what tribe one individual is a part of by the beads that hold together their hair, each tribe uses a different color of beads and are engraved with the individual’s name. Here are some sample tribe names and their bead colors:
Your shalona character is wise and usually impish. They will have these traits
Breath Weapon
Once per short rest, you can exhale a 15ft cone of fire. Any creature inside must make a DC12 dexterity save or take 2d6 fire damage. On a successful save, they take half as much.
Ability Score Increase
Your strength score increases by 2, and your wisdom score increases by 1
Age
Shalonas can live slightly longer than humans, reaching maturity at 25, and can live for up to 160 years.
Allignment
Shalonas are usually impish, yet they are loyal their tribes.
Size
Shalonas are tall, the typical shalona can be 7ft tall and weigh 280 pounds, your size is medium
Speed
Your base speed walking is 35ft.
Languages
You can speak, read, and write in common, draconic, and one other language.
Book of life trapping- very rare, has 58 blank pages, when opened, the creature, other than the owner, closest to it must succeed a DC 16 Dexterity saving throw or get sucked into the page, the creature then appears on the page as a tdrawing, it does not age, or need to eat or sleep, when the pages are full, the book cannot take any more people in, by calling an individual's name or putting two fingers on the creature's page frees that creature.
Chest of the Room- rare, the chest holds a 20ft room inside it, and even if it is full, it still weighs as much as a normal chest. A medium or smaller creature can enter the chest.
The Shalona is a kind of an overpowered race. Maybe bring its speed down to 30 and get rid of either survival instincts or thick hair? Hope this helps!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
I also don't really understand the wayfinder feature for the islander. Maybe clarify that they get advantage on nature checks or something like that? Also, give it some proficiencies so it can complete with the other backgrounds.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
The Book of Life Trapping should be legendary. The Mirror of Life Trapping (DMG 181) only requires a DC 15 saving throw and is very rare.
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All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
What great power does the Ring of Draconic Being give? Is it transforming into the dragon or something else. Please clarify.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
Transforming into a giant ape (cr 8) is too powerful for a 5th level spell. I'm sorry if I come across as rude, I'm just trying to help you.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
What great power does the Ring of Draconic Being give? Is it transforming into the dragon or something else. Please clarify.
First, the animals are transformed into giant versions of themselves, but they are not under the user's control, they retain their mindset (unlike giant insect). For the Ring of Draconic Being, the user transforms into a dragon with the mind of a chromatic dragon when the ring is put on
Ok, thanks for clarifying! Other than that it looks great!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
The characters' souls appear in the form of an illusion, therefore they cannot pick up items or harm creatures, and (I should've had this at 1 hour but) I chose 8 to represent the average "8 hours of sleep"
if you'd like, comment on what you think, and what I could improve on:
Race:
Shalona
The Shalona is tall & thin with the structure of a human, and look similar to reptiles. They have long, colorful hair that can come in red, orange, pink, maroon, or strawberry blonde. Gender can be determined by the shade of their hair, males have darker colored hair, while females have a lighter color, and a more feminine waste. They can breathe fire, and use strategies to get prey in a group or alone.
Born form Rebirth
All shalonas believe that if a soul goes to the plane of Cans, Kakanna, the shalona goddess of birth, fuses it with fire energy and the soul becomes a new shalona offspring, yet the new offspring won’t remember anything of its past life, but the soul, like genies, gives the offspring its eye color and quirks.
Tribal Tradition
Most Shalonas live in tribes at abandoned places such as caves, shrines, Abandoned temples, etc. The tribes can tell what tribe one individual is a part of by the beads that hold together their hair, each tribe uses a different color of beads and are engraved with the individual’s name. Here are some sample tribe names and their bead colors:
Rosere (Pink), Violette (Purple), Glebbe (Yellow), Blainca (White), Bleonse (Blue), Seaqua (Aqua), Rhoddes (Red), Noron (Black), Fruright (Orange), Verisse (Green), Marave (Brown), Grias (Grey).
Shalona Traits
Your shalona character is wise and usually impish. They will have these traits
Breath Weapon
Once per short rest, you can exhale a 15ft cone of fire. Any creature inside must make a DC12 dexterity save or take 2d6 fire damage. On a successful save, they take half as much.
Ability Score Increase
Your strength score increases by 2, and your wisdom score increases by 1
Age
Shalonas can live slightly longer than humans, reaching maturity at 25, and can live for up to 160 years.
Allignment
Shalonas are usually impish, yet they are loyal their tribes.
Size
Shalonas are tall, the typical shalona can be 7ft tall and weigh 280 pounds, your size is medium
Speed
Your base speed walking is 35ft.
Languages
You can speak, read, and write in common, draconic, and one other language.
Blazing Resistance
You have resistance to fire damage
Backgrounds
Islander-https://www.dndbeyond.com/backgrounds/74790-islander
Magic items
Book of life trapping- very rare, has 58 blank pages, when opened, the creature, other than the owner, closest to it must succeed a DC 16 Dexterity saving throw or get sucked into the page, the creature then appears on the page as a tdrawing, it does not age, or need to eat or sleep, when the pages are full, the book cannot take any more people in, by calling an individual's name or putting two fingers on the creature's page frees that creature.
Chest of the Room- rare, the chest holds a 20ft room inside it, and even if it is full, it still weighs as much as a normal chest. A medium or smaller creature can enter the chest.
Ring of Draconic Being-https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/1160082-ring-of-draconic-being
Crown of the Ocean-https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/1163676-crown-of-the-ocean
Spells
God Dream-https://www.dndbeyond.com/spells/306901-god-dream
Mute-https://www.dndbeyond.com/spells/285807-mute
Giant animal-https://www.dndbeyond.com/spells/288548-giant-animal
The Shalona is a kind of an overpowered race. Maybe bring its speed down to 30 and get rid of either survival instincts or thick hair? Hope this helps!
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
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Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
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If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
I also don't really understand the wayfinder feature for the islander. Maybe clarify that they get advantage on nature checks or something like that? Also, give it some proficiencies so it can complete with the other backgrounds.
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
The Book of Life Trapping should be legendary. The Mirror of Life Trapping (DMG 181) only requires a DC 15 saving throw and is very rare.
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
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Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
What great power does the Ring of Draconic Being give? Is it transforming into the dragon or something else. Please clarify.
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
Transforming into a giant ape (cr 8) is too powerful for a 5th level spell. I'm sorry if I come across as rude, I'm just trying to help you.
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
First, the animals are transformed into giant versions of themselves, but they are not under the user's control, they retain their mindset (unlike giant insect). For the Ring of Draconic Being, the user transforms into a dragon with the mind of a chromatic dragon when the ring is put on
Ok, thanks for clarifying! Other than that it looks great!
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
God Dream seems too powerful for a fifth level spell. Maybe 7th or 8th.
The characters' souls appear in the form of an illusion, therefore they cannot pick up items or harm creatures, and (I should've had this at 1 hour but) I chose 8 to represent the average "8 hours of sleep"
I'm talking about the communicating with a god bit. Seems like a bit much for a 5th level spell. Remember that a character could get this at level 9.