I love to entertain my DM by finding bizzare, weird, and useless magic items (even better if the useless magic item can actually be used in weird situations.

So anyone have any lists of these things they would love to share?

That may be a bit hard to come by, especialy in the town I live in.

Xanathar's Guide to Everything has some "common magic items" which are essentially flavor, such as a cloak that billows magically even when there's no wind, or a helmet that gives you glowing eyes. That sort of thing?

Quote from Dargondarkfire >>

That may be a bit hard to come by, especialy in the town I live in.

Does your town not have the internet? I kid. Try this?

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/17173/AC4-The-Book-of-Marvelous-Magic-Basic-1e?it=1

Quote from RAJdeBoer >>

Xanathar's Guide to Everything has some "common magic items" which are essentially flavor, such as a cloak that billows magically even when there's no wind, or a helmet that gives you glowing eyes. That sort of thing?

Quote from LightSpeed >>

Quote from Dargondarkfire >>

That may be a bit hard to come by, especialy in the town I live in.

 

Does your town not have the internet? I kid. Try this?

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/17173/AC4-The-Book-of-Marvelous-Magic-Basic-1e?it=1

 I will check this out.

and I'm looking for more interestings things. like wands that intoxicate the target, or swords that only cut bread, or a twig that regrows when snapped into pieces, or perfume that increases the wear's charisma by 10 but causes every cat in 10 miles to be drawn to you for 5 hours.

He was overjoyed when I found a listing for "bracers of arms" that causes the wear's arms to detach and run away, returning in 24 hours, if the ower of said arms is not asleep they will knock them out with a choke hold and then reattach, (will not ccome back while the person is in danger) and the arms can return with an item in tow, and there is a 5% chance the arms will return with a spell book, while being chased by a magic college, the spell book only contains a rare cantrip called "scoop".

https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/dungeons-dragons-discussion/homebrew-house-rules/81-ironic-funny-magic-items

That is awesome.

Though it's definitely not useless, was thinking about these. Not sure if it is a good idea though. Let me know what you think. I know there are ways to break these, but was wondering if you had any 1. Solutions? 2. Ideas how to make the concept more workable? Or 3. If there is just no way something like this would not end up making an absurdly powerful ability.

Let me know. Thanks. :)

Earmuffs of Boes:

A pair of Brown fuzzy earmuffs. When worn, they envelop the player in a state of silence. The player can no longer make nor perceive any sound so long as the earmuffs are equipped. This gives a +3 bonus to all stealth rolls where a sense of hearing is one of the major senses of perception being used, but also give reduces (-3) to both passive and active perception. 

Also keep your ears nice and warm.

I've received a few functionally useless magic items in my current campaign...

A "Spectrum Bag", which can change the color of any fabric inserted inside. Has had some use for stealth missions, but otherwise doesn't do much.

A "Noisemaker Stick", which produces the harmless sound of a loud explosion when struck against any surface. Which could be useful, except my character already knows Minor Illusion, which he can use to get the exact same effect.

And the "Mobile of Good Dreams"... a child's mobile that grants the user good dreams when hung over their bed. I went out of my way to steal it because our group of characters has a powerful curse on us that occasionally gives us vivid nightmares... but while it grants good dreams most nights (which provide no in-game benefits), it's not powerful enough to override the curse.

Link to the Xanathar's items: https://www.dndbeyond.com/sources/xgte/common-magic-items

Oh yeah, Xanathar's added a bunch of crappy magic items that I love playing with. The Charlatan's Die is a personal favorite.

Just check out the magic items that are included as physical cards in the "Essentials Kit." Every time my players find a new magic item, they laugh at how not useful (combat wise) they are.

My DM has in his campaign the 'Socks of Strahd' which allow the wearer to cross their arms over their chest and rise like a vampire popping up from their coffin from a prone position or lie back down the same way. It costs the wearer 5 feet of movement to rise or lie down this way, rather than half the wearer's movement. The socks make your feet smell of moldy earth and dust and they are decorated with little embroidered bats. 

I got a few useless, some funny and some slightly useful. Here's a list

Useless: 
sword of warning (1d6+1 slashing damage) warns the user of things you already see coming.
Amulet Of Rain Detection Allows the user to detect rain, not before, not after only during. Only works outdoors.
Belt Of Attunement (Requires attuning) Gives the user another Attunement slot
Bottomless Bag Of Holding can hold an infinite amount of weight, but anything you put in it disappears from the bag, and magically ends up on the ground right underneath the bag. Putting your arm into the bag will phase through the bottom appearing on the bottom end of the bag
Calling Sword Calls the user by their first name every strike
Enchanted Socks Socks that find a magical item. The item they find? The other sock.

Helm Of Encouragement  A somewhat sentient helm which offers useless but kind-hearted comments every now and then. “Ooh! So close! It’s okay, you’ll hit him next time, buddy “Don’t worry, there probably wasn’t anything very good in the chest anyway. You were right to stab the rogue in the back of the neck for ‘looking at your boots too much’. Who needs lockpicks, right?”
Funny 

Misspell book Contains spells like wire-ball, prismatic ore… Be creative… Your choice, either they work but are worthless or they don’t work at all.

Tiny violin  plays itself whenever the user tells their backstory

 More at my account homebrew.