This is my first time using this site and I got some feedback on the general forum, but wanted to repost here to make sure it’s good
Being native to the many bodies of water on arothos, these Tortles live in and around the water in small tribal groups of hunters. Living in the shells on their backs Arothian Tortles rarely build seperate homes and live in Large family groups. Their art is complex and often draws back to local mythology, as they love to decorate their shells with trinkets and paintings. These people live in three distinct tribes outlined below.
Arothian Tortle Features
+2 con
Living up to 200 years old they spend their first 5 years crawling before maturing to adulthood around 20
They tended to be aligned neutral
Size, with most of their 250ish pounds being in their shell they are medium creatures 4-6 ft tall
Walking speed 30ft swim speed 30ft
Natural armor - your body is ill suited to armour but you get a natural 17 AC and can use shields
You can hold your breath for up to an hour
Turtlish will - You gain proficiency in survival
Variants
Deep ocean - you can hold your breath for up to 3 hours longer, and get 60 ft darkvision (+1 dex
-These Tortles tend to live in secluded archipelagos and fish for survival
Swamp - your unarmed strikes now deal 1D6+str slashing or poison damage (+1 strength
-these Tortles live mostly sedentary lives, waiting for prey to approach them instead
Arctic - you gain resistance to cold damage and can make icy traps (up to your prof bonus at once) using an action, dealing 1d4 cold damage when creatures enter within 5 ft, and it breaks immediately after, enemies take a dc 9+int perception check to see the trap if they didn’t see you place it (+1 intelligence
-these Tortles live in the frigid wastes, diving into the icy waves and setting traps for fish and seals
River - when an opponent fails a melee attack within 5 ft you can take your reaction to impose 1D4 piercing damage
-these tortles live in the shallows of rivers and hunt small fish, using their spikes for protection from predation
To be honest your greatest problem with this homebrew is overcomplication.
This appears to be a 2014 race. My question to you is why not use the normal race in 2014?
If we examine the differences between normal and yours we see:
Your Tortles live 150 years longer and mature slower.
Your Tortles are more chaotic.
Your Tortles are 200 pounds lighter.
Your Tortles are clawless.
Your Tortles cannot hide within their shells.
Your Tortles can swim.
Not to mention variant features. Consider carefully. Are these intentional decisions? What effect does this have on the race? Are these good changes?
Second, you need to proofread this. You have multiple formatting and capitalization errors. Dnd is really picky about semantics so wording should be checked too before publishing in any format.
Your variants are interesting. Here's my advice for each. I'm assuming you are trying for a turtlefolk fantasy here. But I would like to point out that Tortles are actually designed to be closer to turtoisefolk not turtlefolk, so consider making this a new race instead of a variant. If you do, your going to want to give it a new identity. Which I'll attempt to explain later.
Deep Ocean. To simplify wording. Double hold Breath. 60ft darkvision is fine. Increase Dexterity score by one. Split this into 3 separate lines. Honestly fine.
Swamp. You have partially added back the normal claws feature. Slightly stronger than normal. Poison damage is weird here. If you keep it, you.must explain why. Split ASI on separate line.
Arctic. Way too complicated. Resistance is op. Change it to advantage against extreme cold. Traps dealing cold damage is weird. I would remove this trap feature entirely. Maybe stealth proficiency would still give you the patient hunter fantasy.
River. This is simpler and workable. Specify misses a melee attack on you. Then limit the amount you can do this to pb/lr or 1/lr.
I have to go right now, but I'll be back later to finish my feedback.
Edit: I'm back. I see your vision, but I honestly think this is one of those times where you need to work from the ground up.
Let's examine what niche each variant is trying to fill.
Deep Ocean. Ocean environmental niche. Sea turtle aesthetic? Improved hold breath is good here. My advice is don't give swimming speed as a base property. Give it to this subrace OR give reduced swimming speed to the base race and increase it for this variant. If your thinking agile, +1 dex is a good choice here.
Swamp. They're slow so no swim speed makes sense here. Poisoned claws are a cool concept. My advice is give the bace race claws 1d4 + STR. Then make them able to deal poison damage here. +1 STR is fine here. Add a small feature here poison Resistance is fitting. Don't give it as a damage type Resistance. Merely advantage against poison.
Arctic. Trappers in frosty environments. Resistance to any type of damage is a major feature. You already have a bunch of potential features. You can keep it but only if you remove trapping entirely. Advantage against cold is better. As mentioned earlier a stealth proficiency makes sense here. If you don't like that. You could basically do a nerfed sneak attack. Increase claw damage to 1d6 if have advantage on attack roll. Limit to pb/lr. Increase at level 5 to 1d8.
River. I've already gone over this. This is honestly very close.
And last thing.
Ignore variants. Thos is a solid design choice but raises the question. Why homebrew at all? Here's my advice try again. You've missed your mark. Not to mention balance (particularly between variants). I'm gonna sit with this for a minute and see what I can come up with.
Being native to the many bodies of water on Arothos, these Turtlefolk live in and around the water in small tribal groups of hunters. Living in the shells on their backs, Arothian Turtlefolk rarely build separate homes and live in large family groups. Their art is complex and often draws back to local mythology and they love to decorate their shells with trinkets and paintings. These people live in distinct tribes which are outlined below.
Arothian Turtlefolk Traits
Ability Score Increase. Your Constitution score increases by 2.
Creature Type. You are a humanoid.
Size. You are Small (approximately 3-4 feet).
Speed. Your walking speed is 25 feet.
As an Arothian Turtlefolk you have the following special traits.
Natural Armor. Your shell provides you a base AC of 15 plus your Dexterity modifier (maximum 2). You can’t wear light, medium, or heavy armor, but if you are using a shield, you can apply the shield’s bonus as normal.
Hold Breath. You can hold your breath for up to 1 hour.
Claws. You have claws that you can use to make unarmed strikes. When you hit with them, the strike deals 1d4 + your Strength modifier slashing damage, instead of the bludgeoning damage normal for an unarmed strike.
Survival Instinct. You gain proficiency in the Survival skill. Turtlefolk have finely honed hunting and survival instincts.
Natural Swimmers. Your walking speed counts as 10 feet higher for the purpose of calculating how fast you can swim.
Variants
Ocean Turtlefolk
These Turtlefolk tend to live in secluded archipelagos and hunt fish for food.
Ability Score Increase. Your Dexterity score increases by 1.
Extended Breath. The duration of your Hold Breath feature is extended up to a number of hours equal to your proficiency bonus.
Expert Swimmer. You gain a swimming speed equal to your walking speed.
Swamp Turtlefolk
These Turtlefolk live mostly sedentary lives, waiting for their prey to approach them instead.
Ability Score Increase. Your Strength score increases by 1.
Patient attack. If you didn't move on your previous turn, you can gain advantage on your first attack this turn. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus per long rest.
Poisonous claws. Your claws can deal Poison damage instead of their normal damage type.
Arctic Turtlefolk
These Turtlefolk live in frigid wastes, diving into the icy waves and setting traps for fish and seals.
Ability Score Increase. Your Intelligence score increases by 1.
Ambusher. Your claws deal 1d6+Str Slashing damage if you have advantage on the attack roll instead of the normal amount. This increases to 1d8 at level 5.
Cold Climate Adaptation. You have advantage on saving throws against extreme cold.
River Turtlefolk
These Turtlefolk live in the shallows of rivers and hunt small fish, using their spikes for protection.
Ability Score Increase. Your Wisdom score increases by 1.
Spikes. Your Shell is covered in large spikes that you can use to make unarmed strikes. When you hit with them, the strike deals 1 + your Strength modifier Piercing damage, instead of the bludgeoning damage normal for an unarmed strike.
Spiked Defense. If a creature attempts to hit you with a melee attack within 5 feet of you and misses you, you can use your reaction to make an Unarmed Strike with your Spikes. You can only use this reaction a number of times per long rest equal to your proficiency bonus.
This is my first time using this site and I got some feedback on the general forum, but wanted to repost here to make sure it’s good
Being native to the many bodies of water on arothos, these Tortles live in and around the water in small tribal groups of hunters. Living in the shells on their backs Arothian Tortles rarely build seperate homes and live in Large family groups. Their art is complex and often draws back to local mythology, as they love to decorate their shells with trinkets and paintings. These people live in three distinct tribes outlined below.
Arothian Tortle Features
+2 con
Living up to 200 years old they spend their first 5 years crawling before maturing to adulthood around 20
They tended to be aligned neutral
Size, with most of their 250ish pounds being in their shell they are medium creatures 4-6 ft tall
Walking speed 30ft swim speed 30ft
Natural armor - your body is ill suited to armour but you get a natural 17 AC and can use shields
You can hold your breath for up to an hour
Turtlish will - You gain proficiency in survival
Variants
Deep ocean - you can hold your breath for up to 3 hours longer, and get 60 ft darkvision (+1 dex
-These Tortles tend to live in secluded archipelagos and fish for survival
Swamp - your unarmed strikes now deal 1D6+str slashing or poison damage (+1 strength
-these Tortles live mostly sedentary lives, waiting for prey to approach them instead
Arctic - you gain resistance to cold damage and can make icy traps (up to your prof bonus at once) using an action, dealing 1d4 cold damage when creatures enter within 5 ft, and it breaks immediately after, enemies take a dc 9+int perception check to see the trap if they didn’t see you place it (+1 intelligence
-these Tortles live in the frigid wastes, diving into the icy waves and setting traps for fish and seals
River - when an opponent fails a melee attack within 5 ft you can take your reaction to impose 1D4 piercing damage
-these tortles live in the shallows of rivers and hunt small fish, using their spikes for protection from predation
If you want to nerf it at all, you can remove the variant effects and take 1+con mod hours of breath
To be honest your greatest problem with this homebrew is overcomplication.
This appears to be a 2014 race. My question to you is why not use the normal race in 2014?
If we examine the differences between normal and yours we see:
Your Tortles live 150 years longer and mature slower.
Your Tortles are more chaotic.
Your Tortles are 200 pounds lighter.
Your Tortles are clawless.
Your Tortles cannot hide within their shells.
Your Tortles can swim.
Not to mention variant features. Consider carefully. Are these intentional decisions? What effect does this have on the race? Are these good changes?
Second, you need to proofread this. You have multiple formatting and capitalization errors. Dnd is really picky about semantics so wording should be checked too before publishing in any format.
Your variants are interesting. Here's my advice for each. I'm assuming you are trying for a turtlefolk fantasy here. But I would like to point out that Tortles are actually designed to be closer to turtoisefolk not turtlefolk, so consider making this a new race instead of a variant. If you do, your going to want to give it a new identity. Which I'll attempt to explain later.
Deep Ocean. To simplify wording. Double hold Breath. 60ft darkvision is fine. Increase Dexterity score by one. Split this into 3 separate lines. Honestly fine.
Swamp. You have partially added back the normal claws feature. Slightly stronger than normal. Poison damage is weird here. If you keep it, you.must explain why. Split ASI on separate line.
Arctic. Way too complicated. Resistance is op. Change it to advantage against extreme cold. Traps dealing cold damage is weird. I would remove this trap feature entirely. Maybe stealth proficiency would still give you the patient hunter fantasy.
River. This is simpler and workable. Specify misses a melee attack on you. Then limit the amount you can do this to pb/lr or 1/lr.
I have to go right now, but I'll be back later to finish my feedback.
Edit: I'm back. I see your vision, but I honestly think this is one of those times where you need to work from the ground up.
Let's examine what niche each variant is trying to fill.
Deep Ocean. Ocean environmental niche. Sea turtle aesthetic? Improved hold breath is good here. My advice is don't give swimming speed as a base property. Give it to this subrace OR give reduced swimming speed to the base race and increase it for this variant. If your thinking agile, +1 dex is a good choice here.
Swamp. They're slow so no swim speed makes sense here. Poisoned claws are a cool concept. My advice is give the bace race claws 1d4 + STR. Then make them able to deal poison damage here. +1 STR is fine here. Add a small feature here poison Resistance is fitting. Don't give it as a damage type Resistance. Merely advantage against poison.
Arctic. Trappers in frosty environments. Resistance to any type of damage is a major feature. You already have a bunch of potential features. You can keep it but only if you remove trapping entirely. Advantage against cold is better. As mentioned earlier a stealth proficiency makes sense here. If you don't like that. You could basically do a nerfed sneak attack. Increase claw damage to 1d6 if have advantage on attack roll. Limit to pb/lr. Increase at level 5 to 1d8.
River. I've already gone over this. This is honestly very close.
And last thing.
Ignore variants. Thos is a solid design choice but raises the question. Why homebrew at all? Here's my advice try again. You've missed your mark. Not to mention balance (particularly between variants). I'm gonna sit with this for a minute and see what I can come up with.
This is just a draft, but try this instead.
Arothian Turtlefolk
Being native to the many bodies of water on Arothos, these Turtlefolk live in and around the water in small tribal groups of hunters. Living in the shells on their backs, Arothian Turtlefolk rarely build separate homes and live in large family groups. Their art is complex and often draws back to local mythology and they love to decorate their shells with trinkets and paintings. These people live in distinct tribes which are outlined below.
Arothian Turtlefolk Traits
Ability Score Increase. Your Constitution score increases by 2.
Creature Type. You are a humanoid.
Size. You are Small (approximately 3-4 feet).
Speed. Your walking speed is 25 feet.
As an Arothian Turtlefolk you have the following special traits.
Natural Armor. Your shell provides you a base AC of 15 plus your Dexterity modifier (maximum 2). You can’t wear light, medium, or heavy armor, but if you are using a shield, you can apply the shield’s bonus as normal.
Hold Breath. You can hold your breath for up to 1 hour.
Claws. You have claws that you can use to make unarmed strikes. When you hit with them, the strike deals 1d4 + your Strength modifier slashing damage, instead of the bludgeoning damage normal for an unarmed strike.
Survival Instinct. You gain proficiency in the Survival skill. Turtlefolk have finely honed hunting and survival instincts.
Natural Swimmers. Your walking speed counts as 10 feet higher for the purpose of calculating how fast you can swim.
Variants
Ocean Turtlefolk
These Turtlefolk tend to live in secluded archipelagos and hunt fish for food.
Ability Score Increase. Your Dexterity score increases by 1.
Extended Breath. The duration of your Hold Breath feature is extended up to a number of hours equal to your proficiency bonus.
Expert Swimmer. You gain a swimming speed equal to your walking speed.
Swamp Turtlefolk
These Turtlefolk live mostly sedentary lives, waiting for their prey to approach them instead.
Ability Score Increase. Your Strength score increases by 1.
Patient attack. If you didn't move on your previous turn, you can gain advantage on your first attack this turn. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus per long rest.
Poisonous claws. Your claws can deal Poison damage instead of their normal damage type.
Arctic Turtlefolk
These Turtlefolk live in frigid wastes, diving into the icy waves and setting traps for fish and seals.
Ability Score Increase. Your Intelligence score increases by 1.
Ambusher. Your claws deal 1d6+Str Slashing damage if you have advantage on the attack roll instead of the normal amount. This increases to 1d8 at level 5.
Cold Climate Adaptation. You have advantage on saving throws against extreme cold.
River Turtlefolk
These Turtlefolk live in the shallows of rivers and hunt small fish, using their spikes for protection.
Ability Score Increase. Your Wisdom score increases by 1.
Spikes. Your Shell is covered in large spikes that you can use to make unarmed strikes. When you hit with them, the strike deals 1 + your Strength modifier Piercing damage, instead of the bludgeoning damage normal for an unarmed strike.
Spiked Defense. If a creature attempts to hit you with a melee attack within 5 feet of you and misses you, you can use your reaction to make an Unarmed Strike with your Spikes. You can only use this reaction a number of times per long rest equal to your proficiency bonus.