A tale written by Ruyi, a genasi long death monk "Myself and Meus Whizzle, with his steel turtle Franklin, went to Karak Izor to deal with some orcs that were kidnapping and murdering dwarfs that went to get water from a sulfur river that boils so hot it can melt flesh, don't just believe the dwarfs because I definitely didn't but then I saw it and it can definitely melt flesh. When we got to Karak Izor the dwarfs shot at our feet and asked what our business was, so I smiled at them and waved. After we were let in we went through a bunch of peoples' shit and waited 30 minutes for some guy in full armor, guarantee you he was sweating his ass off and he sure as shit wasn't properly hydrated, to come in and lead us to the tunnel we had to go through. We heard some rythmic beating, *********ing, so we had to go check it out and tried to sneak up on them. The steel turtle could not sneak and kept making loud clanging noises with every step so when we saw the 3 orcs that we were supposed to kill, they tried sneaking up on us, heading directly for us. Myself and Whizzle were laughing our asses off and it only got better when one of the orcs stubbed his toe and got absolutely ******* decked in the face by one of the other orcs. They then started sneaking on their tippy toes towards us and as soon as they got into range I blasted that same orc that got decked with a fire ball to the face. They then all rushed and I dodged every single one of them, except for the one that planted his axe into a different orcs back. We then preceded to destroy the orcs, and knocked one of the orcs unconscious. The same orc that got decked in the face by both the lead orc and myself, his name was ToeStubber, he's amazing, I love him. So we tied up ToeStubber and took his small hammer that he uses to stub toes that we found in his shoe. We kept going down the trail and found an ogre that absolutely ******* destroyed Franklin in one shot with a dwarven ballistae that he was using as a mother******* crossbow. Then he tried using that same ballistae with large wooden splinters and broke his ******* ballistae. He then chased us while getting pelted by fire balls by both myself and Whizzle. He threw a boulder at me that I deflected and it may or may not have impacted against Whizzle, wasn't really paying attention, probably wasn't my fault. Ogre threatens the now conscious ToeStubber when we run away far enough to reach him again and he frees himself from the rope and runs at the Ogre's toes, now dual wielding his small hammers. A fight ensues in which myself and ToeStubber break all of the Ogre's toes, myself using ToeStubber as a spring board in order to jump up to his face before using my quarterstaff as a pogo stick in order to further smash his already crushed toes. ToeStubber gives us the glorious idea to go after the Ogre's hand toes so we start attacking those, and Whizzle gets ******* obliterated by the Ogre's long shiny short thing toy, his ******* club that he crafted out of the ruined remains of the dwarven ballistae, and gets sent halfway across the tunnel. Then I fracture the Ogre's knee and ToeStubber does a flying headbutt and bends that same knee backwards. Unfortunately the Ogre falls forward and crushes ToeStubber. Completely ignoring my unconscious teammate I rush to lift the Ogre and drag ToeStubber out. After a long time of attempting to save ToeStubber, he succumbs to his wounds and I cover him in the scraps of dead dwarven clothing. I then put him on a small raft of wooden scrap and lit the raft on fire as I rolled it down the sulfur river that ******* melted the raft and ToeStubber. I grab Franklin and use it as a sled to take Whizzle back to the dwarves. Nothing else important happened other than a house burning down or something I don't ******* know. R.I.P. ToeStubber, you were too precious for this world, I talked to Kaminad and Kheminar and he ended up in the Plane of Polemos, where he can forever stub the toes of his enemies. He will be missed and cherished."
A tale written by Ruyi, a genasi long death monk "Myself and Meus Whizzle, with his steel turtle Franklin, went to Karak Izor to deal with some orcs that were kidnapping and murdering dwarfs that went to get water from a sulfur river that boils so hot it can melt flesh, don't just believe the dwarfs because I definitely didn't but then I saw it and it can definitely melt flesh. When we got to Karak Izor the dwarfs shot at our feet and asked what our business was, so I smiled at them and waved. After we were let in we went through a bunch of peoples' shit and waited 30 minutes for some guy in full armor, guarantee you he was sweating his ass off and he sure as shit wasn't properly hydrated, to come in and lead us to the tunnel we had to go through. We heard some rythmic beating, *********ing, so we had to go check it out and tried to sneak up on them. The steel turtle could not sneak and kept making loud clanging noises with every step so when we saw the 3 orcs that we were supposed to kill, they tried sneaking up on us, heading directly for us. Myself and Whizzle were laughing our asses off and it only got better when one of the orcs stubbed his toe and got absolutely ******* decked in the face by one of the other orcs. They then started sneaking on their tippy toes towards us and as soon as they got into range I blasted that same orc that got decked with a fire ball to the face. They then all rushed and I dodged every single one of them, except for the one that planted his axe into a different orcs back. We then preceded to destroy the orcs, and knocked one of the orcs unconscious. The same orc that got decked in the face by both the lead orc and myself, his name was ToeStubber, he's amazing, I love him. So we tied up ToeStubber and took his small hammer that he uses to stub toes that we found in his shoe. We kept going down the trail and found an ogre that absolutely ******* destroyed Franklin in one shot with a dwarven ballistae that he was using as a mother******* crossbow. Then he tried using that same ballistae with large wooden splinters and broke his ******* ballistae. He then chased us while getting pelted by fire balls by both myself and Whizzle. He threw a boulder at me that I deflected and it may or may not have impacted against Whizzle, wasn't really paying attention, probably wasn't my fault. Ogre threatens the now conscious ToeStubber when we run away far enough to reach him again and he frees himself from the rope and runs at the Ogre's toes, now dual wielding his small hammers. A fight ensues in which myself and ToeStubber break all of the Ogre's toes, myself using ToeStubber as a spring board in order to jump up to his face before using my quarterstaff as a pogo stick in order to further smash his already crushed toes. ToeStubber gives us the glorious idea to go after the Ogre's hand toes so we start attacking those, and Whizzle gets ******* obliterated by the Ogre's long shiny short thing toy, his ******* club that he crafted out of the ruined remains of the dwarven ballistae, and gets sent halfway across the tunnel. Then I fracture the Ogre's knee and ToeStubber does a flying headbutt and bends that same knee backwards. Unfortunately the Ogre falls forward and crushes ToeStubber. Completely ignoring my unconscious teammate I rush to lift the Ogre and drag ToeStubber out. After a long time of attempting to save ToeStubber, he succumbs to his wounds and I cover him in the scraps of dead dwarven clothing. I then put him on a small raft of wooden scrap and lit the raft on fire as I rolled it down the sulfur river that ******* melted the raft and ToeStubber. I grab Franklin and use it as a sled to take Whizzle back to the dwarves. Nothing else important happened other than a house burning down or something I don't ******* know. R.I.P. ToeStubber, you were too precious for this world, I talked to Kaminad and Kheminar and he ended up in the Plane of Polemos, where he can forever stub the toes of his enemies. He will be missed and cherished."
As the writer of this article, I 100% agree with everything written in this article. R.I.P. ToeStubber, forever in my heart and forever stubbing toes.