Here is a story concept I had in mind for a Holy Knight who becomes a Warlock after an encounter with a strange little girl. I would love to know what you guys think.
Also, what kind of Patron do you think Tatterdemalion is and do you think that would even be her real name, or is she really somebody else?
First though, it's not very well written, so.please excuse me for that.
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Isaac Orel; a promising young acolyte of an order of Holy Knights, lays on the ground in the courtyard of the church that has been his home for the past four years.
He is laid there surrounded by the mangled corpses of his brethren. Some of them acolytes like himself, others full-blown Holy Knights, and a few young apprentices who had only just joined the order that day. All of them had been courageous and brave until their very last breath - especially the young ones, and all deserved a better death than this!!
What had attacked them, he did not know - it was fast and powerful and seemingly unstoppable. It tore through the ranks of Holy Knights and Acolytes as though all their training meant nothing. Isaac had been escorting the apprentices on a tour of the church and its surrounding buildings when they were attacked. His brothers fell like flies, without even knowing what was killing them.
He drew his sword and raised his shield and then something hit him. Whatever it was that was attacking, it was so fast that it might have well been invisible. It struck him square in the chest with such force, that it tore through his defences and knocked him 20 ft out into the courtyard before he could even make a single attack.
The last thing he remembers as his vision blurred into blackness was the incomprehensible shape of something feasting upon one of the apprentices that he had only moments ago tried to protect.
When Isaac finally comes to his senses, he is laying there amidst the torn and mangled bodies of the fallen. Though it pains him greatly, he manages to sit up and look around. Death, death is everywhere and amidst the carnage is a young girl. In human years, she appears to be no than ten years old, she is barefoot and wearing a ragged dress. Had it not have been for the delicate wings on her back and her unearthly beauty, Isaac could have easily mistaken her for a small human child.
This strange girl sits there amidst the dead, cross-legged and childlike, poking the eye of a decapitated head with her finger as though she was trying her hardest to comprehend why it was lifeless.
Isaac tries to warn her that she is in danger and that she needs to run away but when he opens his mouth and speaks, no sound comes out. By this point, the child has noticed that Isaac is alive and has pushed the head that she was playing with away, and is now watching him intently. After a few minutes of this, the girl gets up, walks; or did she float, over to Isaac, bends down, looks him right in the eyes and says a single world -- "tatterdemalion,"
Isaac stares at the girl with a confused look on his face and tries to speak but again he can't. The girl stands up straight and repeats herself, this time gently thumping her chest.
"Tatterdemalion!"
Realising that she is telling him her name, he tries to introduce himself. He moves his lips but the pain and exhortation chokes his words and no sound comes out. He tries again and again, each attempt more desperate and panicked than the last
Sensing Isaac's distress, Tatterdemalion places her small hand on his breastplate.
"Protect," she whispers.
As she does so, Issac feels his anxiety melting away and in short order, has recovered enough to speak his own name. Following the girls example, he gently thumps his breastplate and introduces himself as Isaac.
Tatterdemalion nods and smiles as she reaches into the pocket of her dress and takes out a talisman. With her free hand she gently takes hold of Isaac's hand. The tiny hand feels warm against Isaac's skin, like the rays of the sun.
Turning over Isaac's hand, the girl places the talisman against his palm and then clasps both her hands around his.
The girl looks deep into Isaac's eyes, as though attempting to study his soul. Isaac is mesmerized by her gaze and barely hears her words.
"Protect me!"
There is a blinding flash of light and a wall of heat and Isaac again passes out.
When he awakes the second time, he finds himself in a hospital, being treated for his injuries and there is a strange mark seared into the palm of his hand that itches and burns and he can't get the image of the girl he saw, or the last thing she said to him out of his head.
He must find her .... he must save her - at any cost!! That is his duty, as a Holy Knight. No! It his his duty as her protector. She asked for his help, it was the last thing she said to him "protect me" and he will not, he can not let her down.
His determination allows him to manifest magic that he did not possess before and the more he relies on these abilities, the more he sees and hears the girl in his mind and the more determined he becomes to "save" her.
---------
So that's it guys, what do you think? Constructive criticisms, suggestions and opinions are all welcome.
Like I said, it is not very well written so please forgive the bad writing but I would still love to know what you think.
The first time I skimmed through it, I did not realize the young woman was the patron. I like the story, but the ending feels too contrived for me. Would the paladin realize she was a potential patron and not just someone to find and protect within the oath he took as a paladin? If I put myself in the place of this idealistic young paladin, I would look first to how I could get to her within the context of my abilities as a paladin.
The first time I skimmed through it, I did not realize the young woman was the patron. I like the story, but the ending feels too contrived for me. Would the paladin realize she was a potential patron and not just someone to find and protect within the oath he took as a paladin? If I put myself in the place of this idealistic young paladin, I would look first to how I could get to her within the context of my abilities as a paladin.
I had been thinking that he recognised the magic he was able to use as being Warlock magic. Although he might not immediately equate his new power as being directly linked to his encounter with Tatterdemalion.
For her part I was thinking that Tatterdemalion is the avatar of a Fey being. Specifically a Fey God. One so ancient and powerful that it as mysterious and unknowable to the Fey as the Fey are to humans.
Though why the avatar of such an ancient and powerful being would choose or even need a mortal as their protector, I still have yet to figure out and it makes even less sense if it was the Fey God themselves.
How does Tatterdemalion feel about the young paladin? Does she love him? Is she using his devotion for her own ego? Does she have a goal she wants him to be a part of? What are the terms of their pact? Answering these questions will go a long way toward shaping the way the paladin is drawn away from his oath--not necessarily to break it.
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"Not all those who wander are lost"
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Here is a story concept I had in mind for a Holy Knight who becomes a Warlock after an encounter with a strange little girl. I would love to know what you guys think.
Also, what kind of Patron do you think Tatterdemalion is and do you think that would even be her real name, or is she really somebody else?
First though, it's not very well written, so.please excuse me for that.
---------
Isaac Orel; a promising young acolyte of an order of Holy Knights, lays on the ground in the courtyard of the church that has been his home for the past four years.
He is laid there surrounded by the mangled corpses of his brethren. Some of them acolytes like himself, others full-blown Holy Knights, and a few young apprentices who had only just joined the order that day. All of them had been courageous and brave until their very last breath - especially the young ones, and all deserved a better death than this!!
What had attacked them, he did not know - it was fast and powerful and seemingly unstoppable. It tore through the ranks of Holy Knights and Acolytes as though all their training meant nothing. Isaac had been escorting the apprentices on a tour of the church and its surrounding buildings when they were attacked. His brothers fell like flies, without even knowing what was killing them.
He drew his sword and raised his shield and then something hit him. Whatever it was that was attacking, it was so fast that it might have well been invisible. It struck him square in the chest with such force, that it tore through his defences and knocked him 20 ft out into the courtyard before he could even make a single attack.
The last thing he remembers as his vision blurred into blackness was the incomprehensible shape of something feasting upon one of the apprentices that he had only moments ago tried to protect.
When Isaac finally comes to his senses, he is laying there amidst the torn and mangled bodies of the fallen. Though it pains him greatly, he manages to sit up and look around. Death, death is everywhere and amidst the carnage is a young girl. In human years, she appears to be no than ten years old, she is barefoot and wearing a ragged dress. Had it not have been for the delicate wings on her back and her unearthly beauty, Isaac could have easily mistaken her for a small human child.
This strange girl sits there amidst the dead, cross-legged and childlike, poking the eye of a decapitated head with her finger as though she was trying her hardest to comprehend why it was lifeless.
Isaac tries to warn her that she is in danger and that she needs to run away but when he opens his mouth and speaks, no sound comes out. By this point, the child has noticed that Isaac is alive and has pushed the head that she was playing with away, and is now watching him intently. After a few minutes of this, the girl gets up, walks; or did she float, over to Isaac, bends down, looks him right in the eyes and says a single world -- "tatterdemalion,"
Isaac stares at the girl with a confused look on his face and tries to speak but again he can't. The girl stands up straight and repeats herself, this time gently thumping her chest.
"Tatterdemalion!"
Realising that she is telling him her name, he tries to introduce himself. He moves his lips but the pain and exhortation chokes his words and no sound comes out. He tries again and again, each attempt more desperate and panicked than the last
Sensing Isaac's distress, Tatterdemalion places her small hand on his breastplate.
"Protect," she whispers.
As she does so, Issac feels his anxiety melting away and in short order, has recovered enough to speak his own name. Following the girls example, he gently thumps his breastplate and introduces himself as Isaac.
Tatterdemalion nods and smiles as she reaches into the pocket of her dress and takes out a talisman. With her free hand she gently takes hold of Isaac's hand. The tiny hand feels warm against Isaac's skin, like the rays of the sun.
Turning over Isaac's hand, the girl places the talisman against his palm and then clasps both her hands around his.
The girl looks deep into Isaac's eyes, as though attempting to study his soul. Isaac is mesmerized by her gaze and barely hears her words.
"Protect me!"
There is a blinding flash of light and a wall of heat and Isaac again passes out.
When he awakes the second time, he finds himself in a hospital, being treated for his injuries and there is a strange mark seared into the palm of his hand that itches and burns and he can't get the image of the girl he saw, or the last thing she said to him out of his head.
He must find her .... he must save her - at any cost!! That is his duty, as a Holy Knight. No! It his his duty as her protector. She asked for his help, it was the last thing she said to him "protect me" and he will not, he can not let her down.
His determination allows him to manifest magic that he did not possess before and the more he relies on these abilities, the more he sees and hears the girl in his mind and the more determined he becomes to "save" her.
---------
So that's it guys, what do you think? Constructive criticisms, suggestions and opinions are all welcome.
Like I said, it is not very well written so please forgive the bad writing but I would still love to know what you think.
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
The first time I skimmed through it, I did not realize the young woman was the patron. I like the story, but the ending feels too contrived for me. Would the paladin realize she was a potential patron and not just someone to find and protect within the oath he took as a paladin? If I put myself in the place of this idealistic young paladin, I would look first to how I could get to her within the context of my abilities as a paladin.
"Not all those who wander are lost"
I had been thinking that he recognised the magic he was able to use as being Warlock magic. Although he might not immediately equate his new power as being directly linked to his encounter with Tatterdemalion.
For her part I was thinking that Tatterdemalion is the avatar of a Fey being. Specifically a Fey God. One so ancient and powerful that it as mysterious and unknowable to the Fey as the Fey are to humans.
Though why the avatar of such an ancient and powerful being would choose or even need a mortal as their protector, I still have yet to figure out and it makes even less sense if it was the Fey God themselves.
I think I need to work more on this story.
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
How does Tatterdemalion feel about the young paladin? Does she love him? Is she using his devotion for her own ego? Does she have a goal she wants him to be a part of? What are the terms of their pact? Answering these questions will go a long way toward shaping the way the paladin is drawn away from his oath--not necessarily to break it.
"Not all those who wander are lost"