Hello everyone, I'm new to D&D as well as Beyond. I've recently finished my first character and I could do with some opinions on her backstory and her character. If you're interested, Just read what I've written below and comment your critiques. Thank you! :)
Name: Idana Montajay
Race: Halfling
Class: Rogue
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Personality: A rebellious wanderer who will do anything short of murder to find her father.
BACKSTORY
Idana Montajay was born a middle-class citizen in the small halfling town of Strawford. A good little girl for most of her early years, she followed the rules and did her best to be a well-behaved child. One day, when Idana was about ten years old, her father got into a disagreement with the town's council. That night, he disappeared and was never seen again. Internalizing the disappearance of the father she loved so much, she became wary of everyone around her and began to become a nuisance for the local townsfolk, bothering anyone and everyone about her father's disappearance. As she grew older, she slowly became more entangled with the less favorable characters around the outskirts of town, even harboring a slight drinking problem as she began to visit the tavern often. One fateful night, a group of wealthy-looking strangers strolled into the bar in search of food and drink. Gambling with the locals and spewing their wonderful tales, they made themselves at home. Unfortunately, Idana caught one of the party's members attempting to cheat the game and called him out on it. Tensions rose and soon a fistfight broke out. While she wasn't as strong as the stranger, she knew her way around a bar fight and successfully snuck in a few heavy blows before being knocked out. When she awoke, Idana Montajay found herself in the prison about to be "tried" for aggravation and unnecessary violence. Brought before the council, she was deemed guilty despite the fact that her enemy swung first. That group of outsiders were none other than noblemen from the next town over who'd come to work out trade agreements and alliances. Sentenced a harsh crime of twenty years in jail for a false crime, she had no choice to accept her fate. Until she met a mysterious man down in the cells who offered her escape if she would swear her loyalty to him on the outside. Knowing she had no other choice unless she wanted to be left to rot, she agreed. Breaking the two of them free with his strange magics, she fled with the stranger in the dark of the night. Turning her back on the corrupt place she had once called home, she willingly joined the enigmatic man's band of thieves, a group known as The Night's Brigade. Traveling across the lands under his wing, she learned much of the world but was unsatisfied. Thoughts of her missing father plagued her mind and she had no choice but to quell these tumulous feelings of unrest and find the man who'd been missing since she was but ten years of age. Still, she was bound to the man who had freed her and had to make a choice. Break her oath and faces the dark consequences or find herself bound to a gang of thieves for the rest of her life. On a strange wind of fate, however, her savior fell ill and passed on to the other side in the short time of a month. Suspecting poisoning, she knew she could no longer stay amongst those who'd broken the code and slain their leader, she wasted no time in running once under the cover of the night. Since her departure from the group of criminals, she has been traveling across the globe in search for her father.
Lawful doesn’t sound right since she is rebellious and willing to do anything “short of murder” and she has also been running with a criminal gang.
20 years sounds out of place for a bar fight and is a bit “poor me”, especially after everyone ignoring her father going missing
Similar to point two. She is a bit too nice and straight laced. You want me to believe that her father was possibly murdered and the towns folk did nothing, she grew up hanging out with the wrong people, developed a drinking problem and was unjustly thrown in prison, broke out and lived with a criminal gang only to run away when her patron was murdered by his own men - and she still sounds like a good little girl with a heart of gold!
Don’t be afraid to give her a bit of bite and a bad attitude. That doesn’t make her a bad person. It just gives her some depth and makes her more real. I do like her backstory and I don’t write this to be critical, however I do think you might be a little afraid to include anything that may make her look bad.
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Hello everyone, I'm new to D&D as well as Beyond. I've recently finished my first character and I could do with some opinions on her backstory and her character. If you're interested, Just read what I've written below and comment your critiques. Thank you! :)
BACKSTORY
Idana Montajay was born a middle-class citizen in the small halfling town of Strawford. A good little girl for most of her early years, she followed the rules and did her best to be a well-behaved child. One day, when Idana was about ten years old, her father got into a disagreement with the town's council. That night, he disappeared and was never seen again. Internalizing the disappearance of the father she loved so much, she became wary of everyone around her and began to become a nuisance for the local townsfolk, bothering anyone and everyone about her father's disappearance. As she grew older, she slowly became more entangled with the less favorable characters around the outskirts of town, even harboring a slight drinking problem as she began to visit the tavern often. One fateful night, a group of wealthy-looking strangers strolled into the bar in search of food and drink. Gambling with the locals and spewing their wonderful tales, they made themselves at home. Unfortunately, Idana caught one of the party's members attempting to cheat the game and called him out on it. Tensions rose and soon a fistfight broke out. While she wasn't as strong as the stranger, she knew her way around a bar fight and successfully snuck in a few heavy blows before being knocked out. When she awoke, Idana Montajay found herself in the prison about to be "tried" for aggravation and unnecessary violence. Brought before the council, she was deemed guilty despite the fact that her enemy swung first. That group of outsiders were none other than noblemen from the next town over who'd come to work out trade agreements and alliances. Sentenced a harsh crime of twenty years in jail for a false crime, she had no choice to accept her fate. Until she met a mysterious man down in the cells who offered her escape if she would swear her loyalty to him on the outside. Knowing she had no other choice unless she wanted to be left to rot, she agreed. Breaking the two of them free with his strange magics, she fled with the stranger in the dark of the night. Turning her back on the corrupt place she had once called home, she willingly joined the enigmatic man's band of thieves, a group known as The Night's Brigade. Traveling across the lands under his wing, she learned much of the world but was unsatisfied. Thoughts of her missing father plagued her mind and she had no choice but to quell these tumulous feelings of unrest and find the man who'd been missing since she was but ten years of age. Still, she was bound to the man who had freed her and had to make a choice. Break her oath and faces the dark consequences or find herself bound to a gang of thieves for the rest of her life. On a strange wind of fate, however, her savior fell ill and passed on to the other side in the short time of a month. Suspecting poisoning, she knew she could no longer stay amongst those who'd broken the code and slain their leader, she wasted no time in running once under the cover of the night. Since her departure from the group of criminals, she has been traveling across the globe in search for her father.
pretty good.
^_^
The only thing I see odd is I think you mean A harsh sentence of twenty years for a false crime.
Been gaming since I was 9 years old ,I am a Dm now as an adult. the profile picture is my changeling the lost Npc Lynnie of winter.
My thoughts
Don’t be afraid to give her a bit of bite and a bad attitude. That doesn’t make her a bad person. It just gives her some depth and makes her more real. I do like her backstory and I don’t write this to be critical, however I do think you might be a little afraid to include anything that may make her look bad.