Still somewhat of a newbie (began playing regularly since August) and like my post title says, I'm autistic. When I first started playing, we were doing one shots and there weren't a lot of regular players. Where I play at, we've now got a regular group of 8 of us plus the DM and we've started doing multi-session campaigns. One of the things I've found is that during initiative, my mind will wander, so I've started using some of my usual tricks to help. They've started to become an issue because I'll not be paying attention and then my DM or one of the other players will have to get my attention. While I've volunteered to help be a second note-taker, do any autistic players (or any other players with a similar issue) have any other suggestions of things that have worked for them? I'd rather be proactive on this so it doesn't just fall on my DM to privately reach out to let me know when it's becoming an issue as that makes it hard on them as well. While they've given me some suggestions (reading over spell lists and descriptions, for example), there's some I know that'll be issues because I will get distracted again doing so.
Not autistic here, but to stay engaged in between turns, I try to plan out my next moves so I don't have to think about it. A class with a lot of options would help, so there's more options to sort through. Stuff like, people are positioned like this, SO, I can place a fireball here, and get the most amount of people. Or perhaps play a high mobility class, so you can choose where you want to move to next, or perhaps even both. I would think that the key would be finding a way to keep your mind engaged with the combat, even when it's not your turn.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Any time an unfathomably powerful entity sweeps in and offers godlike rewards in return for just a few teensy favors, it’s a scam. Unless it’s me. I’d never lie to you, reader dearest.
My character's a variant human bard. Some of my problems might be is I don't have my previous usual cantrip (firebolt) available and I'm also (usually) the player who seems to have the worst luck with initiative rolls (it's at the point where it's a running joke in my group). I'll either roll high on initiative and low on every other roll but initiative or low on initiative (session 1 had me with an initiative roll of 1 during one fight) and high rolls everywhere else.
First, It’s great that you’re looking out for everyone else.
Is the rest of your table aware you’re autistic? I know my group would tend to give someone a lot of grace if they made that known. We’d understand it’s not just you not being engaged, but something very different. Of course, there’s always going to be groups who are full of mean people. Not that I’m playing with particularly kind folks, just I tend to think most will try and be understanding. My point is, while it is great you’re being considerate, maybe it’s not as big a problem for the others. You might check in with them, maybe they don’t mind needing to get your attention from time to time — it can be something you work on as a group. I realize that assumes you are comfortable sharing with everyone, which is a pretty big assumption. So I apologize if it’s not as helpful as I hope it is.
Bards have a lot of options available to them. Spells like dissonant whispers can be used very tactically. Some folks think that DW does not count as forced movement because the spell doesn't physically move the target. If your DM is in that camp, you could be plotting how to use it to enable your teammates to make opportunity attacks. Faerie fire is a great concentration spell which gives your teammates advantage when it sticks. Be looking for opportunities to drop that on multiple enemies so your teammates can be rolling with advantage.
What do you have for cantrips? I'm assuming vicious mockery. That can be used against people in melee. Giving a ranged spell caster disadvantage may or may not be useful, but melee users are going to nearly always be making those attacks. Giving someone disadvantage to a baddie targeting your cleric who is focusing on spirit guardians for example is going to really help them avoid hits that trigger concentration checks. Hideous Laughter and Silvery Barbs are great situational spells to lock an enemy down. Silvery Barbs in particular is useful outside your turn since it's a reaction. If you're on the lookout for opportunities to cast that spell, you'll be paying close attention to the combat on other people's turns.
Sleep is a fight winner at low levels. Figuring out where it can be placed to end combats by getting the largest amount of baddies is a nice mental exercise. There's also your bow to replace firebolt. Just shoot your shortbow if you have nothing else to do.
Now, I haven't really done anything except tell you spells I like. The key is figuring out what you're going to do before your turn happens. That's how I stay engaged between turns, I am planning my strategy as to what I am going to do, so that when my turn comes up, I get it over quickly. It's often like "Arcanas is going to cast hex on THIS guy as a bonus action, then Eldritch Blast him in the face. I'll move 3 squares to HERE and provoke an OA by this mook. My will be done." "Oh, you're going to take that Opportunity attack I deliberately provoked? Have a Hellish Rebuke as a reaction for your trouble, please and thank you".
Then I get on to planning my next round while everyone is going through their turns. I watch where they move, am I going to need to move again so I don't get punched in the face? What tool can I use to have the biggest impact. Can I drop AOE on someone? Am I going to be single targeting the guy I put my hex on? How am I looking on spell slots? Oh, I used them all on round 1. Guess it will be cantrip city. Am I going to EB again, or should I mind sliver to give our other spell casters a -d4 to their target's save?
Plan everything out before your turn. Be the person who is completely ready for your turn, rather than letting your mind wander and be like, oh my turn? I guess I should decide what to do. It annoys me greatly when another player's been fiddling with their phone, then their turn rolls around, and you have to pull them away from farmville, tell them it's their turn, and only then do they decide "Oh maybe I should look at my spell list and see what I can do"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Any time an unfathomably powerful entity sweeps in and offers godlike rewards in return for just a few teensy favors, it’s a scam. Unless it’s me. I’d never lie to you, reader dearest.
Not personally autistic, but I do work with clients on the autism spectrum and on the broader neuro spectrum. I have adhd myself and so do my children.
It's a bit difficult to help without knowing what kind of problems you encounter and how severely your autism affects you.
Generally speaking, I think Xalthu's advice is solid. Often people find it helpful when a group understands them and the expectations are mutually accepted. This can reduce pressure, offer relaxation and reduce stress - which alone can allow you to control/direct your focus more easily.
Also I'm sure you can offer the group something unique, like we all do. Sure you struggle with some parts of the game, but you are the only "you" at the table. You also bring all your good things to the table. Embrace that as a group.
I've yet to see specific studies, but in light of other relevant studies, I think it's safe to say that people of the neuro spectrum, including autistic people, are quite well represented among dnd players. I'm fairly sure you are not the only neuro-atypical in your specific group either. 😄
As a piece of more concrete advice:
Some sort of a premade action table could help. A sort of priority list for actions. Your team mates could help you with it. If you're not sure what to do, you could consult the table and it's probably a solid action. 😄 For example
1. Is someone down?
Yes: try to revive
No: deal damage to enemies.
2. Ask the DM: Does the enemy seem low on HP?
Yes: nuke them!
No: still maybe nuke them. 😁
3. Are you close enough to attack?
Yes: attack!
No: move closer.
4. Are you now close enough?
Yes: attack!
No: use a support spell or buff yourself or something. (You can predetermine these, for example what is a good general hostile action and what is your go-to buff or support spell.
I hope you got the idea. 🙂 basically in DnD most classes have a very narrow list of "best" actions for different levels. I'm sure you'll pull your weight just fine by preparing for a few different situations.
Then you won't need to worry about having to make situational decisions every round.
Thanks!! I'm what's considered 'high functioning' autistic. Given what I know about neurodivergent folks in general as well as how quickly my group meshed (as far as I know, only four players have ever played together before), it wouldn't surprise me. I'm one of the few newbies at the table as well; almost everyone else has played for a while.
There's part of me that's wondering if my newness to the game is part of the issue, especially in relation to the fact that most of my group's been playing for a while. One of my big issues in general is I tend to 'hang back' so to speak when I'm unsure about something and I know it's very much a social skill problem of mine even when among folks I'm comfortable with and doubly so in a new situation. I know I'll 'get it' eventually, but there's times where I feel like I'm scrambling to learn everything because D&D's one of those things where you can only learn so much by reading the books.
Thanks!! I'm what's considered 'high functioning' autistic. Given what I know about neurodivergent folks in general as well as how quickly my group meshed (as far as I know, only four players have ever played together before), it wouldn't surprise me. I'm one of the few newbies at the table as well; almost everyone else has played for a while.
There's part of me that's wondering if my newness to the game is part of the issue, especially in relation to the fact that most of my group's been playing for a while. One of my big issues in general is I tend to 'hang back' so to speak when I'm unsure about something and I know it's very much a social skill problem of mine even when among folks I'm comfortable with and doubly so in a new situation. I know I'll 'get it' eventually, but there's times where I feel like I'm scrambling to learn everything because D&D's one of those things where you can only learn so much by reading the books.
I'm sure the newbie factor plays a major role. You may always struggle with some aspects of the game, especially the social ones. But once you learn the ropes, you can probably notice/learn things the others can't. I find it remarkable what kind of things neurodivergent people pay attention to, that neurotypical people and even other neurodivergent people may overlook.
Sometimes it's a hassle, like paying too much attention to something irrelevant or having a hard time being flexible in the face of uncertainty. You seem like an open and nice and genuine person. That's the most important thing in a group. Other things can be learned. 🙂
Some people take DnD way too seriously, like they were competing for an International Championship. It's enough if you learn the basic rules and calculations, so you usually add the right modifiers to your rolls etc.
You don't need to be effective and optimal all the time. In fact, I find it very much believable that a character doesn't always act perfectly under pressure. 😄
I know of an autistic player who started in a large group. At first they only ever did anything through the DM. Never spoke to anyone else directly, but they accepted him and didn't pay much attention to this unorthodox play style.
A year later the guy was RPing directly. 😄 It's crazy how far a little bit of understanding and respect can go. If you feel comfortable with it, maybe have a chat about this, so they know what to expect. And they know that it's not about you not caring/committing, because you clearly do.
To me it's crucial that you feel as relaxed and unencumbered as possible. This needs to be a happy hobby for you. 💪
Sorry about the wall of text. My medication tends to make me very talkative in the morning. 😅
I am autistic, Asperger's. To me it seems that part of your problem may lie in you simply being fairly new at the game.
Not much of it has become habit yet, and you may not yet have a full enough grasp on your character to think in terms of, "The guy on my right just did this thing, so a good follow up action would be this spell. Nope, the guy on my left just charged into my spell's area of effect; guess I'll go with my sword instead." As long as all us at the table are keeping our attention at table level, I have found it easy to track combat and RP; everyone's input helps to paint the picture in my mind. All of this becomes easier, once one has a better grasp on the basic rules at least, and a good idea of the capabilities of one's own character.
What pulls my focus from the game are the player actions that pull our attention up from the table, back up to the players. The occasional off-topic side comments can be overlooked, and even enjoyed, now and then. If those at the table regularly discuss off-table topics between themselves, during other people's turns, then I find it extremely difficult to track what's happening down on the table, and can get lost. A break in the RP, while two or more people discuss/argue a rule or something else, can shatter the magic for me. At the very least, after the argument dies down, I'll find myself asking, "Now where were we?" I go as far as to occasionally remind the folks at the table that I can focus well on the game, if allowed to, but will lose focus when others pull my attention up from that table. Some in my groups are good at helping me by staying focused on game play; others not so much.
Don't know if any of this might be helpful, but it's what came to mind.
[Edit: I tend to think in terms of play at a live table. I gave up playing remotely. I have personally found that online platforms, play-by-post, etc., don't do it for me.]
There are a couple videos on youtube discussing autism and playing DnD. I don't know if they will be of any help to you, and I'll be honest, I haven't watched them myself.
Two that seemed to be interesting based upon description and title are:
With 8 players, I wouldn't be surprised if neurotypical players are also having trouble staying engaged. If the DM is willing to adjust style, a few things I found might help everyone, not just singling you out.
--Keep track of initiative visually, using a whiteboard, cards atop the DM screen etc. Every time the turn moves to another player, announce it out loud, it is at least a touch point to bring folks' focus back to the gaming table.
--When announcing the next player, also announce who is "on deck" to go next. That way, that next player is alerted to start planning so they can proceed quickly when their turn comes, without having to stay completely focused as 8 different PCs plus NPCs keep throwing variables into the situation over the course of a round.
--As was suggested by one of the previous posters, have a few key planned out choices for common situations. If you don't know what to do next, use an appropriate default from that list. It may not be optimal, but will at least contribute to success and keep things moving. Plus, as a relatively new player, you'll learn what works and what needs something out of the ordinary to succeed. And in game, your PC is also learning and leveling up as you go, so it is totally in character to be learning from experience as you gain XP.
I wonder if detailing the fight out (like you're writing a story, strictly roleplay style without roles on the notes) would help you stay focused? Let's you pay attention but also focus your wandering mind. I get bored waiting for other people to figure out their move so I tend to unfocus during fights too (non-autistic), so taking the time to detail the scene can help me. Listen to some fights that Critical Role does, Matt Mercer describes each of their actions. It's fairly brief, but writing it out should take enough of your time to fill the rounds.
I believe I am high functioning autistic (very high) and I get into the math of the game.
Quickly, you do know as a bard, your Jack of All Trades also increases your initiative rolls by half your proficiency, right? Initiative Rolls are "skill checks."
I generally try to figure out what I'm going to do on my turn ahead of it happening. I'm looking for a way to drop a weak monster so they don't get to strike again. Baring that, I look for a way to get an extra bonus from something like an opportunity attack. If I cast Dissonant Whispers on this monster, and they fail their save, one of our frontliners will get an opportunity attack when they use their movement to flee from me. This can be enough extra to drop a monster. Third, I'm looking for a way to shut down attacks where one of our frontliners is getting ganged up on; and then I can use Bane. Because I also have Healing Word, I may not want to use a spell as an action and instead just jump in for one round with my rapier and use my Bonus Action to cast Healing Word. It helps when I am level 3+ as a Lore Bard, because Cutting Words can be used like a shield spell as a reaction to lower a monster's to-hit roll.
So, when it is not my turn, I am looking for a weak monster to finish off in the fight.
I also take notes on the battle so I can write a song about it later. Of course, by dropping weakened monsters, my contributions as relayed in the song sound quite impressive.
Best of luck to you, fellow traveler.
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Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt
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Still somewhat of a newbie (began playing regularly since August) and like my post title says, I'm autistic. When I first started playing, we were doing one shots and there weren't a lot of regular players. Where I play at, we've now got a regular group of 8 of us plus the DM and we've started doing multi-session campaigns. One of the things I've found is that during initiative, my mind will wander, so I've started using some of my usual tricks to help. They've started to become an issue because I'll not be paying attention and then my DM or one of the other players will have to get my attention. While I've volunteered to help be a second note-taker, do any autistic players (or any other players with a similar issue) have any other suggestions of things that have worked for them? I'd rather be proactive on this so it doesn't just fall on my DM to privately reach out to let me know when it's becoming an issue as that makes it hard on them as well. While they've given me some suggestions (reading over spell lists and descriptions, for example), there's some I know that'll be issues because I will get distracted again doing so.
Not autistic here, but to stay engaged in between turns, I try to plan out my next moves so I don't have to think about it. A class with a lot of options would help, so there's more options to sort through. Stuff like, people are positioned like this, SO, I can place a fireball here, and get the most amount of people. Or perhaps play a high mobility class, so you can choose where you want to move to next, or perhaps even both. I would think that the key would be finding a way to keep your mind engaged with the combat, even when it's not your turn.
Any time an unfathomably powerful entity sweeps in and offers godlike rewards in return for just a few teensy favors, it’s a scam. Unless it’s me. I’d never lie to you, reader dearest.
Tasha
My character's a variant human bard. Some of my problems might be is I don't have my previous usual cantrip (firebolt) available and I'm also (usually) the player who seems to have the worst luck with initiative rolls (it's at the point where it's a running joke in my group). I'll either roll high on initiative and low on every other roll but initiative or low on initiative (session 1 had me with an initiative roll of 1 during one fight) and high rolls everywhere else.
First, It’s great that you’re looking out for everyone else.
Is the rest of your table aware you’re autistic? I know my group would tend to give someone a lot of grace if they made that known. We’d understand it’s not just you not being engaged, but something very different. Of course, there’s always going to be groups who are full of mean people. Not that I’m playing with particularly kind folks, just I tend to think most will try and be understanding.
My point is, while it is great you’re being considerate, maybe it’s not as big a problem for the others. You might check in with them, maybe they don’t mind needing to get your attention from time to time — it can be something you work on as a group.
I realize that assumes you are comfortable sharing with everyone, which is a pretty big assumption. So I apologize if it’s not as helpful as I hope it is.
Bards have a lot of options available to them. Spells like dissonant whispers can be used very tactically. Some folks think that DW does not count as forced movement because the spell doesn't physically move the target. If your DM is in that camp, you could be plotting how to use it to enable your teammates to make opportunity attacks. Faerie fire is a great concentration spell which gives your teammates advantage when it sticks. Be looking for opportunities to drop that on multiple enemies so your teammates can be rolling with advantage.
What do you have for cantrips? I'm assuming vicious mockery. That can be used against people in melee. Giving a ranged spell caster disadvantage may or may not be useful, but melee users are going to nearly always be making those attacks. Giving someone disadvantage to a baddie targeting your cleric who is focusing on spirit guardians for example is going to really help them avoid hits that trigger concentration checks. Hideous Laughter and Silvery Barbs are great situational spells to lock an enemy down. Silvery Barbs in particular is useful outside your turn since it's a reaction. If you're on the lookout for opportunities to cast that spell, you'll be paying close attention to the combat on other people's turns.
Sleep is a fight winner at low levels. Figuring out where it can be placed to end combats by getting the largest amount of baddies is a nice mental exercise. There's also your bow to replace firebolt. Just shoot your shortbow if you have nothing else to do.
Now, I haven't really done anything except tell you spells I like. The key is figuring out what you're going to do before your turn happens. That's how I stay engaged between turns, I am planning my strategy as to what I am going to do, so that when my turn comes up, I get it over quickly. It's often like "Arcanas is going to cast hex on THIS guy as a bonus action, then Eldritch Blast him in the face. I'll move 3 squares to HERE and provoke an OA by this mook. My will be done." "Oh, you're going to take that Opportunity attack I deliberately provoked? Have a Hellish Rebuke as a reaction for your trouble, please and thank you".
Then I get on to planning my next round while everyone is going through their turns. I watch where they move, am I going to need to move again so I don't get punched in the face? What tool can I use to have the biggest impact. Can I drop AOE on someone? Am I going to be single targeting the guy I put my hex on? How am I looking on spell slots? Oh, I used them all on round 1. Guess it will be cantrip city. Am I going to EB again, or should I mind sliver to give our other spell casters a -d4 to their target's save?
Plan everything out before your turn. Be the person who is completely ready for your turn, rather than letting your mind wander and be like, oh my turn? I guess I should decide what to do. It annoys me greatly when another player's been fiddling with their phone, then their turn rolls around, and you have to pull them away from farmville, tell them it's their turn, and only then do they decide "Oh maybe I should look at my spell list and see what I can do"
Any time an unfathomably powerful entity sweeps in and offers godlike rewards in return for just a few teensy favors, it’s a scam. Unless it’s me. I’d never lie to you, reader dearest.
Tasha
Not personally autistic, but I do work with clients on the autism spectrum and on the broader neuro spectrum. I have adhd myself and so do my children.
It's a bit difficult to help without knowing what kind of problems you encounter and how severely your autism affects you.
Generally speaking, I think Xalthu's advice is solid. Often people find it helpful when a group understands them and the expectations are mutually accepted. This can reduce pressure, offer relaxation and reduce stress - which alone can allow you to control/direct your focus more easily.
Also I'm sure you can offer the group something unique, like we all do. Sure you struggle with some parts of the game, but you are the only "you" at the table. You also bring all your good things to the table. Embrace that as a group.
I've yet to see specific studies, but in light of other relevant studies, I think it's safe to say that people of the neuro spectrum, including autistic people, are quite well represented among dnd players. I'm fairly sure you are not the only neuro-atypical in your specific group either. 😄
As a piece of more concrete advice:
Some sort of a premade action table could help. A sort of priority list for actions. Your team mates could help you with it. If you're not sure what to do, you could consult the table and it's probably a solid action. 😄 For example
1. Is someone down?
Yes: try to revive
No: deal damage to enemies.
2. Ask the DM: Does the enemy seem low on HP?
Yes: nuke them!
No: still maybe nuke them. 😁
3. Are you close enough to attack?
Yes: attack!
No: move closer.
4. Are you now close enough?
Yes: attack!
No: use a support spell or buff yourself or something. (You can predetermine these, for example what is a good general hostile action and what is your go-to buff or support spell.
I hope you got the idea. 🙂 basically in DnD most classes have a very narrow list of "best" actions for different levels. I'm sure you'll pull your weight just fine by preparing for a few different situations.
Then you won't need to worry about having to make situational decisions every round.
Finland GMT/UTC +2
Thanks!! I'm what's considered 'high functioning' autistic. Given what I know about neurodivergent folks in general as well as how quickly my group meshed (as far as I know, only four players have ever played together before), it wouldn't surprise me. I'm one of the few newbies at the table as well; almost everyone else has played for a while.
There's part of me that's wondering if my newness to the game is part of the issue, especially in relation to the fact that most of my group's been playing for a while. One of my big issues in general is I tend to 'hang back' so to speak when I'm unsure about something and I know it's very much a social skill problem of mine even when among folks I'm comfortable with and doubly so in a new situation. I know I'll 'get it' eventually, but there's times where I feel like I'm scrambling to learn everything because D&D's one of those things where you can only learn so much by reading the books.
I'm sure the newbie factor plays a major role. You may always struggle with some aspects of the game, especially the social ones. But once you learn the ropes, you can probably notice/learn things the others can't. I find it remarkable what kind of things neurodivergent people pay attention to, that neurotypical people and even other neurodivergent people may overlook.
Sometimes it's a hassle, like paying too much attention to something irrelevant or having a hard time being flexible in the face of uncertainty. You seem like an open and nice and genuine person. That's the most important thing in a group. Other things can be learned. 🙂
Some people take DnD way too seriously, like they were competing for an International Championship. It's enough if you learn the basic rules and calculations, so you usually add the right modifiers to your rolls etc.
You don't need to be effective and optimal all the time. In fact, I find it very much believable that a character doesn't always act perfectly under pressure. 😄
I know of an autistic player who started in a large group. At first they only ever did anything through the DM. Never spoke to anyone else directly, but they accepted him and didn't pay much attention to this unorthodox play style.
A year later the guy was RPing directly. 😄 It's crazy how far a little bit of understanding and respect can go. If you feel comfortable with it, maybe have a chat about this, so they know what to expect. And they know that it's not about you not caring/committing, because you clearly do.
To me it's crucial that you feel as relaxed and unencumbered as possible. This needs to be a happy hobby for you. 💪
Sorry about the wall of text. My medication tends to make me very talkative in the morning. 😅
Finland GMT/UTC +2
I am autistic, Asperger's. To me it seems that part of your problem may lie in you simply being fairly new at the game.
Not much of it has become habit yet, and you may not yet have a full enough grasp on your character to think in terms of, "The guy on my right just did this thing, so a good follow up action would be this spell. Nope, the guy on my left just charged into my spell's area of effect; guess I'll go with my sword instead." As long as all us at the table are keeping our attention at table level, I have found it easy to track combat and RP; everyone's input helps to paint the picture in my mind. All of this becomes easier, once one has a better grasp on the basic rules at least, and a good idea of the capabilities of one's own character.
What pulls my focus from the game are the player actions that pull our attention up from the table, back up to the players. The occasional off-topic side comments can be overlooked, and even enjoyed, now and then. If those at the table regularly discuss off-table topics between themselves, during other people's turns, then I find it extremely difficult to track what's happening down on the table, and can get lost. A break in the RP, while two or more people discuss/argue a rule or something else, can shatter the magic for me. At the very least, after the argument dies down, I'll find myself asking, "Now where were we?" I go as far as to occasionally remind the folks at the table that I can focus well on the game, if allowed to, but will lose focus when others pull my attention up from that table. Some in my groups are good at helping me by staying focused on game play; others not so much.
Don't know if any of this might be helpful, but it's what came to mind.
[Edit: I tend to think in terms of play at a live table. I gave up playing remotely. I have personally found that online platforms, play-by-post, etc., don't do it for me.]
There are a couple videos on youtube discussing autism and playing DnD. I don't know if they will be of any help to you, and I'll be honest, I haven't watched them myself.
Two that seemed to be interesting based upon description and title are:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYPQsrEjC_o&pp=ygUOYXV0aXNtIGFuZCBEbmQ%3D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgd5veh9pNE&pp=ygUOYXV0aXNtIGFuZCBEbmQ%3D
There are probably other videos out there on youtube and other sites that haven't come across my feed.
Ah, screw it.
Wasn't going to chime in.
My solution to the issue was that I became a DM. It grabs enough of me that I become fully engaged. I have never been able to do that as a Player.
So, sorry, no advice. But stick with it -- this is the perfect social game for us.
Only a DM since 1980 (2000+ Sessions) / PhD, MS, MA
Wyrlde.com
Free PDFs
Not Talking About It / Dubbed The Oracle in the Cult of Mythology Nerds
With 8 players, I wouldn't be surprised if neurotypical players are also having trouble staying engaged. If the DM is willing to adjust style, a few things I found might help everyone, not just singling you out.
--Keep track of initiative visually, using a whiteboard, cards atop the DM screen etc. Every time the turn moves to another player, announce it out loud, it is at least a touch point to bring folks' focus back to the gaming table.
--When announcing the next player, also announce who is "on deck" to go next. That way, that next player is alerted to start planning so they can proceed quickly when their turn comes, without having to stay completely focused as 8 different PCs plus NPCs keep throwing variables into the situation over the course of a round.
--As was suggested by one of the previous posters, have a few key planned out choices for common situations. If you don't know what to do next, use an appropriate default from that list. It may not be optimal, but will at least contribute to success and keep things moving. Plus, as a relatively new player, you'll learn what works and what needs something out of the ordinary to succeed. And in game, your PC is also learning and leveling up as you go, so it is totally in character to be learning from experience as you gain XP.
Good luck and enjoy!
I wonder if detailing the fight out (like you're writing a story, strictly roleplay style without roles on the notes) would help you stay focused? Let's you pay attention but also focus your wandering mind. I get bored waiting for other people to figure out their move so I tend to unfocus during fights too (non-autistic), so taking the time to detail the scene can help me. Listen to some fights that Critical Role does, Matt Mercer describes each of their actions. It's fairly brief, but writing it out should take enough of your time to fill the rounds.
I believe I am high functioning autistic (very high) and I get into the math of the game.
Quickly, you do know as a bard, your Jack of All Trades also increases your initiative rolls by half your proficiency, right? Initiative Rolls are "skill checks."
I generally try to figure out what I'm going to do on my turn ahead of it happening. I'm looking for a way to drop a weak monster so they don't get to strike again. Baring that, I look for a way to get an extra bonus from something like an opportunity attack. If I cast Dissonant Whispers on this monster, and they fail their save, one of our frontliners will get an opportunity attack when they use their movement to flee from me. This can be enough extra to drop a monster. Third, I'm looking for a way to shut down attacks where one of our frontliners is getting ganged up on; and then I can use Bane. Because I also have Healing Word, I may not want to use a spell as an action and instead just jump in for one round with my rapier and use my Bonus Action to cast Healing Word. It helps when I am level 3+ as a Lore Bard, because Cutting Words can be used like a shield spell as a reaction to lower a monster's to-hit roll.
So, when it is not my turn, I am looking for a weak monster to finish off in the fight.
I also take notes on the battle so I can write a song about it later. Of course, by dropping weakened monsters, my contributions as relayed in the song sound quite impressive.
Best of luck to you, fellow traveler.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt