In your hubris and folly, you elected to make a pact with the most powerful entity in all of video games - the Final Pam. She has granted you but a sliver of her reality-warping power on the condition that you free her and her thousand sons from the Ocean Beneath The World. Upon her return, she will destroy all of video games….Gods help us all.

Expanded Spell List

The Final Pam lets you choose from an expanded list of spells when you learn a warlock spell. The following spells are added to the warlock spell list for you.

Final Pam Expanded Spells

Spell Level	Spells
1st	jump, command
2nd	enlarge/reduce, levitate
3rd	animate dead, fireball
4th	polymorph, giant insect
5th	insect plague, telekinesis

Little Joke

HA HA, I TELL LITTLE JOKE Starting at 1st level, you can summon and throw a “Little Joke” within 60 ft. of you as an action. This Little Joke is a magical thrown explosive landmine that deals 1d8 + charisma modifier fire damage to everyone within a 5-ft radius of where you throw it, and they make a dexterity saving throw. On a failed save any creature that is large or smaller is knocked prone, and on a successful save the fire damage is halved. As you level up the damage increases when you reach 5th level(2d8 fire), 11th level (4d8 fire), 17th level (4d8 fire). 

Whenever you summon a Little Joke, roll 1d20. On a 20, your damage dice with the little joke is doubled and everyone inside it's radius must make two dexterity saving throws instead of one. If you roll a 1, the Little Joke detonates before you can throw it, having it's effects centered on you. 

Taking Authority

Starting at 6th level, you can cast the command spell without using any spell slots. When you use this casting of command you gain the ability to issue the command "killall", using this causes the creature that failed the saving throw to drop prone and limp until the spell fades. The creature drops everything it is holding, has a movement speed of 0, can take a bonus action or an action on their turn but not both, and their intelligence score is decreased by 2 when in this position.

Once you use this feature, you can’t use it again until you finish a short or long rest.

Metal Husband

Beginning at 10th level, your patron gifts you with your own "Metal Husband". The Metal Husband resides in it's own demiplane until summoned. You can summon it as an action causing it to appear within 30 ft. of you. The Metal Husband returns to it's demiplane after an hour or if it drops to 0 hit points. It is restored and repaired to it's normal self with all hit points on this plane. On your turn you can use a bonus action while your Metal Husband is summoned to command it to use it's action, bonus action, and movement in any way you like. You may only do this if you can speak or communicate with it in any way.  

Once you summon the Metal Husband you cannot do so again until you complete a long rest. 

The Metal Husband has the statistics of a Helmed Horror with the following changes:

• It has an AC of 18.
• It has a challenge rating of 5. 
• It's max health is equal to yours.
• You choose the three spells it is immune to, and can change them every time it is summoned.
• It cannot be healed by anything short of a wish spell which brings it back to full. This usage of wish does not cause any stress on the caster.
• It is proficient with cooks utensils and can double it's proficiency bonus with them (it's proficiency bonus is +4).
• When you are hit with an attack the Metal Husband can use yours and its reaction to try and shield you if it is within 5 ft. of you adding a +2 to your AC possibly causing the attack to miss or it can make one longsword attack on the creature that hit you if it is within range of it. 
• It has the following action: 
  • Flame Spray (Recharge 6). The Metal Husband shoots fire in a 15-foot cone. Each creature in that area must make a DC 12 Dexterity saving throw, taking 14 (4d6) fire damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. 

Marital Binding

Starting at 14th level, you can spend ten minutes creating a Ring of Marital Binding. When a creature wears this ring you are bound to them spiritually, and when the ring is taken off of them it is broken and destroyed. You may only have one ring at a time. When a creature is spiritually bound to you and is within 100ft of you, you can use your reaction to duplicate an effect onto them such as a haste spell when it is cast on you. This makes it affect the both of you. This also extends to healing and any other helpful effect. You may also transfer damage that you take onto them instead as a reaction, making it so you do not take the damage. The creature wearing this ring can do all these things to you with their reaction as well. If for whatever reason you or the other creature wearing the ring do not want one of these put on you and are not willing to take the damage, healing, or effect, make a constitution saving throw (DC10) to avoid it.