“Hello Norgrin! Briv says he lovessssstttt you! How art the children? I hopest that they are well. Briv is in Wildemount and alright, HUZZAH! Colon.” 

— Briv’s message to his wife as delivered via Orkira’s Sending

Watch Beyond Heroes: Wildemount | Episode 14: Butter Cube

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The cast of Beyond Heroes, Penelope is level 11 while the rest are level 10:

• Todd Kenreck as the Dungeon Master
• Keen Dayeprath - Eladrin Eldritch Knight Fighter played by TJ Storm
• Briv Steelmarrow - Half-Orc Oath of Heroism Paladin played by Adam Bradford
• Penelope Half-Pint - Halfling Circle of Land Druid 10/Warlock Pact of the Archfey 1 played by Hope LaVelle
• Alyndra Alexandria Garanahil Sarrbarand, Lorekeeper of Rime Spiro, Kinscribe of Clan Monkeymouse, Daughter of Oblivion - High Elf Cleric 1/Wizard 9 played by Jen Kretchmer
• Orkira Illdrex - Dragonborn Light Domain Cleric played by Lauren Urban

Full Summary

With the mystery of the Hupperdook sewers solved, the Heroes have received their payment. On top that, they retrieved the limited edition Jester Jab for Briv, and Alyndra has used fabricate to remake a whole new limited edition Jester Jab. Being extra cautious, Orkira casts remove curse on anything that might have come into contact with an infected evil cursed object, and then everyone returned to the safe house to rest. The next day Keen excuses himself to the roof to be alone and commune with the Eternal Court in the Feywild in the hopes of receiving more guidance.

Briv begins pacing in frustration and hunger, muttering under his breath about missing his family. Orkira offers him marshmallows, but it’s obvious the half-orc requires a full meal to sate appetite and calm his grouchiness. Briv mentions that his wife is probably worried about him since he’s been gone for quite a while. Orkira offers to cast sending to pass along a message to his wife, as she has used that spell before to keep in contact with friends on the Sword Coast, but needs Briv to give her a description for the spell to work. Briv is happy to describe in detail his beautiful wife Norgrin, including her heart shaped head, long tusks, and the fact that she is stuck with both of their children. Pulling out the pen that Alyndra gave her and some paper, Orkira asks what exactly Briv would like her to send to his wife as the spell only allows for 25 words. After some workshoping, revisions, and suggestions the message is created and Orkira casts the spell to relay Briv’s love and well wishes to his wife.

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Orkira warns that it could take a while to hear a reply as sometimes her messages and replies don’t arrive promptly if they are sent from one plane to another, and suggests they get something to eat and decide where they want to go next while they wait. The day is wearing on and soon Hupperdook will turn into a party town so they know they need to get food before the party whistle is blown. Suddenly Orkira receives a reply from Norgrin! Briv’s wife doesn’t know what Wildemount is, confirms that both her and the children are well, that she’s killed many enemies this day, and that there are chores to be done. The dragonborn relays the message to Briv, however she forgets what day the enemies were killed and misunderstands who must do the chores. When Briv has questions she can’t answer, Orkira casts sending again and asks Norgrin how many enemies she killed today and exactly what her chores are. Norgrin responds that she has dispatched three enemies, and the chores include taking care of the garbage and walking the dire wolf. After relaying the updated information, Orkira asks Penelope if she would like to turn into a dire wolf so they can go for a walk and finish the chores. The druid is more than happy to wild shape and walk with the cleric, but Briv tries to explain that the chores are his and wants Orkira to cast sending once more to relay that the kids are old enough to take out the garbage. The dragonborn doesn’t want to pass along a domestic argument, so she lies that she’ll cast the spell and then quickly leaves to go for a walk with Penelope.

Once the two are alone Orkira pulls out a bottle of eyedrops and explains that she thought the halfling might get more use out of them as she seems to be enjoying pranks more often. The dragonborn explains that the eyedrops came from her friend Harold in Waterdeep, and will turn someone’s eyes purple. She promises to give the bottle when Penelope has hands again. Penelope jumps up and down in glee at this gift, though the sight of a massive dire wolf jumping around a fearsome-looking dragon creature causes nearby citizens to run in panic. Eventually they are joined by Alyndra and Briv, and all four find a nearby greasy diner called The Slice. Briv is exceptionally hungry and orders one of each menu item, so Orkira and Penelope just share in his buffet. Alyndra is a vegetarian and decides to enjoy her own rations. 

The meal is delicious but quickly turns sour as Orkira begins to feel indigestion and Briv’s stomach starts making horrible noises. The cleric notices his stomach shift and move, and worried about what they’ve just eaten she examines his distended stomach. With her medicinal knowledge she’s able to determine that there is something alive in his digestive tract, but can’t figure out what could have come from the food they just ate. Alyndra asks if she can cast banishment the half-orc, as the spell will allow her to send Briv to a harmless demi-plane while leaving whatever living creature he is infected with behind. He reluctantly agrees, and when banished what remains is a horrible, slushy, gooey mass of yellowish ooze. Alyndra grabs a broom to try and push it out of the space Briv will reappear in, but the broom melts as if engulfed in acid and the creature begins to crawl slowly towards the wizard. Turning to the owner of The Slice, Orkira demands to know what was in the food they ate, but the owner is evasive and insists the group leave immediately.

Briv reappears and immediately attacks the sentient, buttery creature that was moving around in his stomach. However, he’s still disoriented after being banished and completely misses. Confused, Briv summons his flumph friend Phlo and asks her to examine the strange creature. Phlo is annoyed at having been ignored for so long, and reluctantly examines the creature on the ground, but she is only able to confirm it is some sentient bit of butter before returning to Briv’s backpack. The butter beast continues to creep towards Alyndra, extending two disturbing pseudopods as it tries to speak. Alyndra casts command to make it melt, but it just lays flat on the ground like it’s a puddle and finally manages to say “Lindy!” With a sigh, Alyndra realizes this is somehow connected to her mother, Sofieus. Briv has had enough of this creature and attacks again, this time landing a vicious smite and causing the creature to explode all over the restaurant!

Disgusted but thinking the danger has passed, the group prepares to leave, but just before they exit Penelope can hear a similar sound to the butter beast coming from the back room. She changes back to a halfling and heads behind the counter, with Orkira following, and when the owner tries to stop them Briv grapples the gnome to keep him out of the way. Alyndra casts detect magic but nothing pings as magical, while Briv doesn’t pick up anything on his divine sense. In the backroom they discover a gruesome kitchen with horrific rusted implements all covered in the same slimey butter the creature was made from. It’s obvious all the food in the restaurant was created from the same buttery substance and simply cooked and spiced to taste like other food. Resisting the urge to flee, Penelope listens for the noise she heard but she’s having a hard time pinpointing the location.

As Alyndra and Briv arrive in the kitchen with the gnome owner, the elf finds a trap door hidden below the grease and grime on the floor. When the owner tries to avoid answering questions Orkira casts zone of truth and starts demanding answers, and soon the full story is revealed. The owner and his brother raided an alchemist's shop while she was gone, and among all the other items they stole they found a tiny creature made of butter. It just happened to belong to Sofieus, Alyndra’s mother, and when they discovered it could grow and regenerate they started carving pieces off of it to use for food. The brother, Gregor, started to feel bad about what they were doing, but the owner was greedy and wanted to keep making money, so he killed Gregor by feeding him to the butter creature. Alyndra casts sending to warn her mother about what happened and asking her to come and collect her pet.

The trap door leads down to where the owner is hiding the creature, and Penelope heads down the stairs to check things out. After confirming with the owner that there are no traps to worry about, Orkira recommends they turn him over to the city guard for his crimes. In the basement is a giant gelatinous cube made out of butter, quivering in fear and missing chunks from where pieces have been sliced off. Everyone wants to set it free, but when it comes to dealing with the owner the group is divided. Briv and Penelope want to throw him into the gelatinous butter cube and let the creature get revenge for what it has gone through, but Orkira and Alyndra are against this summary execution and would rather turn him over to the authorities. Briv gives in and starts to bring the owner back upstairs, when the Traveler suddenly whispers in Penelope’s mind, suggesting that putting a murderer into their own device would be a fun trick. As Orkira and Alyndra discuss ways of getting the cube free, Penelope whispers to Briv that she thinks they should ask the butter creature what it wants as that would be the just thing to do. The half orc announces that he thinks the halfling has made a good point, and the proprietor is a horrible person who should die. When Penelope asks the butter cube what it wants to do, it is quick to wrap a pseudopod around the gnome in an attack! Briv is more than happy to let go so the cube can take revenge, and despite Orkira’s warding flare the gnome is quickly consumed and killed!

Penelope is pleased, Briv is satisfied, while Orkira and Alyndra are horrified. After a moment the druid starts working on a way to get the gelatinous butter cube free and finds a grate leading into the sewers. She uses mold earth the bridge the acid pools keeping the creature penned in, and while Orkira is sad at the execution of the owner she still trusts Penelope and wants to help. Using produce flame the dragonborn is able to cut through the grate to open a path to the sewers, and the cube gives Penelope a buttery hug before slipping down into the sewers. As the group leave The Slice, Penelope is pleased to see hundreds of gnomes have gathered around the metal statue of the Traveler to pray.

MEANWHILE, ELSEWHERE....

Inside a huge, nightmarish factory seemingly created epochs ago, hundreds of wooden coffins containing pale but vaguely humanoid shapes are being nailed shut by a single figure in armor. As the final box is nailed shut the familiar figure announces, “All right, I have a lot of warlocks to catch up with. I’ll see you soon, Harold.”

The power of Penelope's Patron grows! Find out what consequences that might have as the Beyond Heroes adventure continue on May 6th at 2pm PT on twitch.tv/dndbeyond!

Lauren "Oboe" Urban is the Community Manager for D&D Beyond, as well as a professional classical musician on oboe and English Horn. When she's not playing a Bard in real life she's a prolific Dungeon Master and player on a variety of livestreams and podcasts. She lives in Seattle, Washington with her husband Luke where they spend their free time playing video games and drinking tea. The best way to keep up with Lauren's busy schedule is to follow her on Twitter @OboeLauren!