Every Damn System - hard mode!

You were born with a connective tissue disorder.  This feat should not be taken at the ASI, but should instead be taken for free with the agreement of your DM during initial character creation.  You gain all of the following traits and additional mechanics.  This feat was written by a player with a connective tissue disorder, and it is not designed to be easy or balanced, as it is meant to be a disability.  Assistive devices may be available in the world, for a fee, at the DM's discretion.  If you ever actually build this character then you're gonna have a bad time!

Features and Traits

Chronic Illness Warrior
You gain proficiency in the Medicine and Performance skills.  If you take either of these skills from your class features as well then you gain expertise in that skill. 

Too Nimble
You add a permanent +1 to your dexterity modifier and a permanent -1 to your strength modifier. 

Orthotics
You have a set of orthotics which help support your joints.  Whilst worn, these give you +1 to your strength modifier and -1 to your dexterity modifier, offsetting the Too Nimble trait.  Orthotics also give you a +2 bonus to saving throws against dislocations while worn.  Orthotics may be incompatible with bracers or rigid armours at the DM's discretion, and can be integrated into such armours for a fee at the DM's discretion, see Engineered Armour. 

Mechanics

Connective Tissue Saving Throw
The CT save uses your constitution saving throw modifier.  If you have proficiency in constitution saves then you have proficiency in CT saves.  The base DC for a CT save is 10 for all purposes, unless modified. [roll]1d20[/roll]

Joints of Doom
Any time you fail a strength or dexterity check or saving throw, make a CT save.  If the CT save fails then you dislocate a joint and receive the Dislocation Condition and some Dislocation Damage at the moment of dislocation.  The joint will be chosen at the DM's discretion, but must be relevant to what you were doing at the time of dislocation.  If you were trying to pick a lock or disarm a trap, the dislocation should most likely be at the finger or wrist.  If you were trying to hold onto someone who was pulling away, the dislocation should most likely be at the shoulder or elbow.  If you fell off a wall and missed the landing, the dislocation should most likely be at the ankle or knee. 

Dislocation Condition
A joint has become dislocated.  On your turn, you can spend a bonus action to reduce (relocate) the joint.  Until the joint is reduced, checks and saves which rely upon the affected limb are made at disadvantage.  Once a joint has become dislocated, you must use Orthotics until you have completed a long rest, even after the joint has been reduced. 

Dislocation Damage
Minor Joint: Dislocation of a minor joint (finger, toe, wrist, ankle) results in 1d4 [roll]1d4[/roll] of nonmagical force damage. 
Major Joint: Dislocation of a major joint (elbow, knee, shoulder, hip) results in 1d6 [roll]1d6[/roll] of nonmagical force damage. 

Those Dang Mast Cells
Any time you enter a forest, jungle, city park, or other area with a dense diversity of flora, or any area rich in fungal mould, make a CT save.  If the CT save fails then you receive the Spontaneous Allergy condition.  Characters who do not need to breathe have advantage on this saving throw. 

Spontaneous Allergy Condition
You are allergic to something in a specific location.  While you are in the allergenic location, you have disadvantage on all saving throws.  If you leave the allergenic location, you retain the allergy but do not suffer its effects.  If you return to the allergenic location, the effects resume.  Upon completing two long rests outside of the allergenic location, the allergy itself is removed.  There is no limit on the number of locations which can become allergenic, the number of allergies you can have, or how many times you can regain an allergy from which you have previously recovered. 

Pain Fog
After completing a long rest, make a CT save.  If the save fails, you receive the Chronic Pain condition, which persists until you complete a short or long rest.  If you started the long rest while recovering from the Dislocation condition then the Dislocation recovery persists for as long as the Chronic Pain condition persists, and you must use orthotics accordingly. 

Chronic Pain Condition
Roll a d8 [roll]1d8[/roll] and consult the Chronic Pain Table.  You suffer disadvantage on whichever rolls the table states, according to the dice roll, until you complete a short or long rest. 

Chronic Pain Table
1-3: Concentration saves
4: Strength checks
5: Dexterity checks
6: Strength checks and Concentration saves
7: Dexterity checks and Concentration saves
8: Strength and Dexterity checks and Concentration saves

Potsy-Turvy
Whenever you use your movement to get up from the Prone condition, make a CT save.  If this fails, you get up successfully for the duration of your turn in combat, then fall prone again at the end of your turn. 

Ticking Aneurysm
Whenever you receive damage equal to half your hit point maximum or greater from a single attack, make a CT save.  If this fails, you are immediately reduced to zero hit points. 

Assistive Devices

Finger Splints
While worn, Finger Splints grant a +5 bonus to CT saves against dislocations of the fingers and a +2 bonus to CT saves against dislocations of the wrist. 

Cane or Crutch
Using a Cane or a Crutch after reduction of a hip, knee, or ankle allows you to suspend the orthotic requirements of the dislocation condition after a short rest, provided you keep using the Cane or Crutch until you have completed a long rest.  While using a Cane or Crutch, you cannot use both hands while moving, and cannot carry objects if doing so requires both hands.  During your turn in combat, you cannot both a) use your movement speed, and b) make a two-handed attack or attack with two-weapon fighting; you may only do one or the other. 

Engineered Armour
Engineered Armour is any armour which has been modified by a smith or artificer to provide support to the joints.  While Engineered Armour is worn, the CT save DC for dislocations and chronic pain is reduced by 1, and you gain a +1 bonus to CT saves against dislocation and chronic pain.  Powered armour, such as that of the Armourer Artificer, or the Warforged's Integrated Defence feature, is automatically considered as Engineered Armour. 

Wheelchair
While using a wheelchair, you are immune to dislocations of the leg joints.  If the wheelchair has good cushions, you gain a +2 bonus to CT saves against chronic pain.  While in combat, you have a -2 penalty to CT saves against dislocations of the arm joints.  The wheelchair does not function on snow or sand unless it is modified, for a fee, at the DM's discretion. 

Respiratory Protection
While wearing respiratory protection, you have advantage on CT saves against spontaneous allergies.  The first time you remove the respiratory protection whilst in an allergenic area, you must reroll the CT save without this advantage. 

Painkillers
Taking painkillers removes one type of penalty from the Chronic Pain condition for that day, as determined by dice roll.  Painkillers cannot remove more than one type of penalty, and cannot remove your only penalty from Chronic Pain while Chronic Pain is active.  Attempting to do either of these things will automatically fail and will also give you the Poisoned condition. 

Massage
After receiving a massage from a qualified person such as a physiotherapist, you do not have to make CT saves against chronic pain for the next week. 

Alcohol
Just alcohol.