Congratulations! Over the course of your pitiful mortal life, you have pissed off a Fey being who has decided to curse you with Wild Magic any time you **** up. Sure, you aren't a magic user, but it doesn't matter because magic follows you where ever you do, whether you like it or not.

• Increase your Dexterity or Wisdom score by 1, to a maximum of 20.
• You refuse to let Fey beings **** with you again. You have advantage on Wisdom Saving Throws against Fey.
  
• Wild Magic Surge. Your actions can unleash surges of untamed magic. Immediately after hit a challenging enemy with a non-spell attack for the first time in a round, the DM can have you roll a d20. If you roll a 1, roll 1d100 on the Monk’s Wild Magic Surge table to create a random magical effect. In addition, whenever you roll a natural 1 on an attack hit, the DM can have you roll a 1d100 on the Monk's Wild Magic Surge table because of your rotten luck.
  
• Tides of Chaos. You can manipulate the forces of chance and chaos to gain advantage on one attack roll, ability check, or saving throw. Once you do so, you must finish a long rest before you can use this feature again.
• Any time before you regain the use of Tides of Chaos, the DM can have you roll on the Monk's Wild Magic Surge table immediately after you hit a challenging enemy with a non-spell attack for the first time in a round. You then regain the use of Tides of Chaos.