Nanorunes

You do need feats... and homebrew. Wanna know why? You have a dream! A dream that every man, goblin and Elf will be able to fight for what they believe in! Not for gold, and not for reasons they don't understand! Whatever kingdom, country or even demi-plane you find yourself in, doesn't matter where it is and whose in charge, it's rotten to the core! It NEEDS to be pulled out by the ROOTS! Preferably by your bulging muscles! (which are completely safe and normal, nothing to see here, public relations!), BURNT TO THE GROUND!!

48 years later, their memes live on... eldritch blast; fireball; toothy maws; requesting to rage... you wanna know where they are now? Where they belong, ON THE CHARACTER SHEETS OF THE PLAYERS! In a hobby shop where the rules change to suit the players, not the other way around! A table of the TRULY free, damnit! Every Wizard, Warlock and Rogue... WE'RE ALL SONS OF CRITICAL ROLL, NOW!!!

Relax, it's a war on horror stories. You're not here to spill innocent soft-drinks. Rules lawyers; edgelords... "That guy"s... of course, that would also mean your DM.

The power of adventuring as a business to end adventuring as a business has given you powers unrivalled:

• Whenever you stand still for 3 consecutive rounds in combat, you gain advantage on all intelligence and wisdom based rolls, including saving throws, and add a +3 to your final score
• Whenever someone you can sense strikes you with a longsword, or equivalent (such as a katana), you can burn your reaction for that round to disarm them with a strength saving throw. On a 13-19, you catch their sword and throw it 30 feet away in any direction. On a 20+, you snap their "knife" in half, giving you resistance to all further attacks made with it.
• You add +1 to your strength, constitution, and charisma scores
• You gain the Control Flames and Firebolt cantrips, using charisma as your casting ability
• You add plus 1 to your Hit point maximum for every level you have
• You gain proficiency with your unarmed strikes, and they now use a d8 for damage (ignore this if your unarmed strikes are already dealing more damage)
• You gain advantage on athletics checks made to move objects and creatures, and size category no longer applies to you 
• You gain proficiency with cooking utensils, land vehicles and equipment used in ball based sports, specifically ones played at colleges
• You can cast False life for free and without material components once per short rest

You'll rid this world of pointless rules...