What are your red flags during a D&D game?

Hi there!

So my question is: What kind of behaviours you don't tolerate or you dislike during a D&D party? Something that would make you complain to the DM or to the player (if you are a DM), or just leave the party.

One of the things I really dislike as a player in a D&D party is when there's a player that wants to do EVERYTHING: he or she wants to resolve the puzzle, lead the party, make all decisions, ask all the questions to the NPCs—not letting other players ask anything, and even interrupting them or disdaining their ideas or points of view—, tell other players what they should do in their turn, and so on.

To sum up, the kind of player that wants to be the main character. Such behaviour irritates me so much (this situation happened to me twice, and I ended up saying to that player: "you know that you are not the only person playing, don't you?").

Have you ever suffered this kind of behaviour in a D&D party? 😂

Endless table talk, metagaming and rules discussion.  I'm here to play!

D&D only works if everyone follows the general social compact of play.  That includes a number of critical, generally unspoken agreements the entire game relies upon.  Giving each player their chance to shine and intentionally avoiding stepping on others’ toes with both roleplay and character design.  Signing on to work as a party (even if there is tension at times) and generally follow what the DM can reasonably prepare for.  Not offending others above the table with your actions at table.  Being willing to listen and accept constructive criticism. 

Where exactly those lines fall is going to change based on your different groups.  Certain groups might be okay with PvP, others just minor theft between players, others with none of that at all, for example.  Knowing your group’s social compact - or at least being able to learn from mistakes when accidentally crossing a line - is critical to the function of D&D.  Fail to do that, and you’re either getting a stern talking to or be removed from the playgroup.

PVP for petty reasons, I once started my first campaign and one of my players immediately tried to kill another because of out of game beef. Fast forward a year and now he’s associated with someone who physically assaulted me and used personal attacks against me.

Never accepting anyone like him again.

If the table is building characters in a way that sounds like they're more focused on out-building each other, let alone the DM, that's one red flag.

If anyone is acting better than anyone else, that's another.

If anyone proposes sexual anything with an NPC & it isn't fade-to-black, that's another one.

If there's no consent checklist or any similar system, let alone no session 0, Y I K E S.

Quote from MaedraDawnkeeper >>

If there's no consent checklist or any similar system, let alone no session 0, Y I K E S.

To be fair, a lot of tables still don't do a formal list or review of everyone's personal do's and don'ts- nothing wrong with them, but it's not something that's really at the forefront of what people think of when setting up a game, still. Plus it can be a rather awkward and uncomfortable point to raise with a group, whether they're strangers or friends. Now, if people aren't listening when someone calls a flag on a play in game, that's definitely an issue.

GMs with high numbers of house rules.  Especially if they won't let you know what the house rules actually are beforehand.  It's almost inevitably an excuse to arbitrarily nerf your character.

Politics at the gaming table if the group isn't close enough to discuss politics outside of the gaming table.

Players who think they're the main character.

Insertion of a person's fetish into the game.

Basing a player character off an anime protagonist.

Rules lawyering.

Disrespect. If people don't feel safe they can't have fun.

Main Character Syndrome is also a pretty serious buzzkill. 

My biggest one as a DM is the players becoming adversarial against me instead of the enemy characters.

I've had it happen exactly twice, and both times I stopped play to say "Hey, I'm not the enemy. You can taunt, insult, etc the NPC that you're fighting, but do not do it to me. I'm not the bad guy, I'm also here to have fun."

And after I said that there was no problem.

I get in the heat of battle or whatever players get excited and want to talk tough and whatnot. And that's great! But it should never be directed at the DM themself. 

Restrictions on player and PC gender/sex. Lack of clear communication on restrictions.

I may play a male character most of the time, but I start to raise my eyebrows when I am told I have to play one.
The most recent example was the opposite. I was drawn into a table pitch, but then found the stipulation was the DM said "I only want Male players who are playing Women characters."
So, it was a combo of "no women players" and "You can't pick your Character gender."

There have been exceptions to this, but in the case of the Exception the DM ASKED me first and was upfront about the reasons. Like the campaign in which i was asked "Can you make a character that is Trans in some way, and are you comfortable with that?" Then explain why.
( the TL:DR was it was a formerly all trans table dealing with Trans stories and I was asked to fill in for someone who had to drop.)

Another is "Players of X Ethnicity can't play these character races."  Literally ran into, 'if you are black, you can only play drow if you want to be an elf. And white players can't play Drow." 
that was a yikes. 

The DM telling you how your character must feel (outside of any charm-adjacent shenanigans). For example, I once wanted to make a Barbarian who was raised from infancy in a Great Library. The DM was okay with that, but in the pre-campaign interview, he wanted to know how I learned Survival skills. I hadn't been intending to take Survival as a skill at all, but I decided to accommodate  him by saying there was a friend of his adopted parent who took him out into the woods outside to train. The DM thought that was fine, but added that my character always felt more at home and comfortable out in the woods and didn't really like the library. That was going too far, I told the DM as such, and did not join that campaign.