Let me tell you a little about my client, whose character has been unfairly maligned in this case by the plaintiffs, doing business as “The Fellowship of the Ring.” Mr. Sauron sits before you today, good jurors, slandered by these plaintiffs.
Mr. Sauron very much suffers from the biased, unreliable testimony by the plaintiffs that paint him as nothing but an evil monster. Their evidence? Nothing other than written statements by someone who had an axe to grind against my client, not an objective assessment of his honest accomplishments.
Look at his actions and the direct evidence, and you will find that the plaintiffs not only unfairly accuse my client baselessly, but invariably seek to project their own failings onto him.
First of all, Mr. Sauron is an outstanding national leader. He managed to take over blighted real estate that nobody else wants, and built well-run manufacturing businesses from scratch, creating millions of jobs. His business model is so successful that he was able to successfully convince Isengard to modernize their economy as well, again raising the quality of life for marginalized orcs and Uruk-Hai all over Middle Earth.
Mr. Sauron provides and maintains long-distance telecommunications across all of Middle Earth. For free, and for anyone’s use.
Mr. Sauron invests into his people and makes sure that his military is appropriately equipped. My client doesn’t cheap out with thin armor or narrow shields, no! He makes sure that their armor is thick and their shields broad. Right on down to the last infantry member.
Mr. Sauron is a loyal friendship machine, as well. He brought together nine formerly squabbling kings of men and forged unbreakable bonds of friendship in them, forever. Mr. Sauron even spent his time in his personal workshop to make custom tokens of that friendship for each of them as gifts. When his buddy’s horse dies, what does my client do? Goes right out and gets him a better ride. Additionally, what does my client do when wizard Magneto comes around his treehouse intent on inflicting harm on his friends? Casts an invisible spell to hide them.
Because he cares, people. Because he cares.
The “Fellowship” themselves are an example of Mr. Sauron’s inspirational character. Who else could get men, elves, dwarves, and hobbits to set aside their racist attitudes against each other for a common goal? Do you see other Maiar going around helping people overcome their prejudices and work together? I don’t.
Not only that, but my client is clearly quite socially progressive. He’s equal opportunity employer, much unlike the rest of Middle Earth. He’s willing to give jobs to oppressed racial minorities that nobody else will even give a chance to, including orcs, goblins, trolls, and Uruk-Hai.
Many of the plaintiffs show significant racial biases. Why are orcs perceived as dumb and slow? Is it because they’re dark-skinned and generally short, as opposed to the respected elves, who are generally described as tall and white? Is it because orcs don’t meet the unrealistic standards of beauty that Middle Earth imposes? Hobbits are generally considered slow as well, demonstrating once again that this is a world that very much privileges height. The evidence shows that witness Lord Elrond was actively opposed to the mixed-race marriage of his daughter.
My client is willing to hire anyone and everyone who is willing to work hard and show up on time, no matter their race or nationality. He even gives these otherwise marginalized individuals high level positions in his organizational chart where they show merit and potential. My client actually appears to be the only person in this case who was willing to grant employment and job visas to individuals from other nations such as Harad.
The “Fellowship” and the nations that support the plaintiff’s corporation paint Mordor as “a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust, the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume.” Boromir’s testimony clearly reflects his prejudices, since he’s never actually been to Mordor and relies only on secondhand hearsay.
But let’s even just assume that statement is true for a moment. Can you blame the residents of Mordor for wanting a better life in neighboring Gondor or Rohan? Look at Gondor’s immense wealth, tackily displayed right in front of Mordor’s impoverished working class every day. Gondor’s restrictive and racist immigration policy doesn’t allow for a single orc or goblin to pursue some economic mobility across the Anduin River. The people of Mordor have absolutely no fair opportunity at the Middle Earth dream, and are instead forced to live in dangerous conditions. Why? Because the middle-class nations surrounding it believe that people in poverty must be less deserving, that’s why.
The “Fellowship” here today has tried to portray my client as a warmonger who seeks to take over all of Middle Earth. This is patently false, and even admitted in their own evidence: Sauron only wants to take back Calenardhon which was once Mordor territory until various nations of Men invaded, occupied, and renamed it as the Gap of Rohan. The whole “cover the entire land in darkness” thing is an exaggeration. Orcs and goblins have sun-sensitive skin; Good Guy Sauron is just looking out for the citizens of his nation by creating extra cloud cover for them, because he cares.
The testimony of Lord Elrond of events three thousand years ago depicts my client as wearing a “scary” helmet, using a spiked weapon, and singlehandedly defeating legions of his forces. First of all, this is clearly biased and exaggerated, and you should evaluate it in that light.
However, even if this is true, what does this demonstrate? In a combat zone, when my client’s military was about to be overrun by hostile forces, he personally led his own units and defended them, rather than standing in the rear and directing others like Lord Elrond did. This demonstrates my client is an engaged leader who doesn’t ask others to do what he himself is unwilling to. And again, his accuser was the aggressor in that instance: it was a combined invasion of men and elves in Mordor’s sovereign territory. My client was leading his nation’s military in a defensive battle against an invasion of other nations on his own nation’s soil. Lord Elrond sure very much glossed over that fact, didn’t he?
You know who is warmongering? Let’s look at one of the close associate groups of the plaintiffs’ “Fellowship”: the Alt-Rohirrim. This lawless group of vigilantes disobeys their own government’s lawful orders, instead brutally murdering groups of orcs and Uruk-Hai on sight and without provocation or justification. Not only that, but they continue to intentionally hunt endangered species like the Warg to extinction. The “Fellowship” openly supports and joins in these activities.
The “Fellowship” wants you to believe that my client’s associates, the Nazgûl, are terrorists who use what the “Fellowship” derogatorily terms “fell beasts” to inflict fear on unsuspecting Gondorians. The truth of the matter is that my client was simply enforcing an international no-fly zone over Gondor to protect an Orcish peacekeeping mission in Osgiliath, which was only necessary in the first place to avoid Gondorian aggression in the region and ensure stability.
Sauron’s intentions are painted as evil, but this is entirely a guilt by association, attributed to his mentor, Melkor. Even if you were to find that my client’s motivations are the same as his trusted friend and mentor, this would still not prove his poor character. You know what Melkor wanted by “corrupting” the song of Ainur? He was trying to make Eru proud. He was trying to be a standout in the crowd. Apparently individuality is only fine when Númenoreans, men, elves, dwarves, and hobbits do it.
You never once in the evidence presented see my client acting in an evil manner. You only hear judgments of his character from individuals with a known bias against him. At best, there are the occasional poor decisions by certain subordinates, but the record reflects that my client has always taken appropriate action to discipline wrongdoers in his administration, including termination.
As you can see, my client has had his good name dragged through the mud with nothing but unfounded allegations, biased and unreliable testimony, and no evidence that supports the plaintiffs’ conclusions.
The actions of my client, Mr. Sauron, have been wholly justified, and you should find him not liable for the plaintiffs’ frivolous and baseless claims.
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I did not write this, one of my favorite posters on Quora did. Since I can't figure out how to link it directly, I'll just post the text.
Let me tell you a little about my client, whose character has been unfairly maligned in this case by the plaintiffs, doing business as “The Fellowship of the Ring.” Mr. Sauron sits before you today, good jurors, slandered by these plaintiffs.
Mr. Sauron very much suffers from the biased, unreliable testimony by the plaintiffs that paint him as nothing but an evil monster. Their evidence? Nothing other than written statements by someone who had an axe to grind against my client, not an objective assessment of his honest accomplishments.
Look at his actions and the direct evidence, and you will find that the plaintiffs not only unfairly accuse my client baselessly, but invariably seek to project their own failings onto him.
First of all, Mr. Sauron is an outstanding national leader. He managed to take over blighted real estate that nobody else wants, and built well-run manufacturing businesses from scratch, creating millions of jobs. His business model is so successful that he was able to successfully convince Isengard to modernize their economy as well, again raising the quality of life for marginalized orcs and Uruk-Hai all over Middle Earth.
Mr. Sauron provides and maintains long-distance telecommunications across all of Middle Earth. For free, and for anyone’s use.
Mr. Sauron invests into his people and makes sure that his military is appropriately equipped. My client doesn’t cheap out with thin armor or narrow shields, no! He makes sure that their armor is thick and their shields broad. Right on down to the last infantry member.
Mr. Sauron is a loyal friendship machine, as well. He brought together nine formerly squabbling kings of men and forged unbreakable bonds of friendship in them, forever. Mr. Sauron even spent his time in his personal workshop to make custom tokens of that friendship for each of them as gifts. When his buddy’s horse dies, what does my client do? Goes right out and gets him a better ride. Additionally, what does my client do when wizard Magneto comes around his treehouse intent on inflicting harm on his friends? Casts an invisible spell to hide them.
Because he cares, people. Because he cares.
The “Fellowship” themselves are an example of Mr. Sauron’s inspirational character. Who else could get men, elves, dwarves, and hobbits to set aside their racist attitudes against each other for a common goal? Do you see other Maiar going around helping people overcome their prejudices and work together? I don’t.
Not only that, but my client is clearly quite socially progressive. He’s equal opportunity employer, much unlike the rest of Middle Earth. He’s willing to give jobs to oppressed racial minorities that nobody else will even give a chance to, including orcs, goblins, trolls, and Uruk-Hai.
Many of the plaintiffs show significant racial biases. Why are orcs perceived as dumb and slow? Is it because they’re dark-skinned and generally short, as opposed to the respected elves, who are generally described as tall and white? Is it because orcs don’t meet the unrealistic standards of beauty that Middle Earth imposes? Hobbits are generally considered slow as well, demonstrating once again that this is a world that very much privileges height. The evidence shows that witness Lord Elrond was actively opposed to the mixed-race marriage of his daughter.
My client is willing to hire anyone and everyone who is willing to work hard and show up on time, no matter their race or nationality. He even gives these otherwise marginalized individuals high level positions in his organizational chart where they show merit and potential. My client actually appears to be the only person in this case who was willing to grant employment and job visas to individuals from other nations such as Harad.
The “Fellowship” and the nations that support the plaintiff’s corporation paint Mordor as “a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust, the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume.” Boromir’s testimony clearly reflects his prejudices, since he’s never actually been to Mordor and relies only on secondhand hearsay.
But let’s even just assume that statement is true for a moment. Can you blame the residents of Mordor for wanting a better life in neighboring Gondor or Rohan? Look at Gondor’s immense wealth, tackily displayed right in front of Mordor’s impoverished working class every day. Gondor’s restrictive and racist immigration policy doesn’t allow for a single orc or goblin to pursue some economic mobility across the Anduin River. The people of Mordor have absolutely no fair opportunity at the Middle Earth dream, and are instead forced to live in dangerous conditions. Why? Because the middle-class nations surrounding it believe that people in poverty must be less deserving, that’s why.
The “Fellowship” here today has tried to portray my client as a warmonger who seeks to take over all of Middle Earth. This is patently false, and even admitted in their own evidence: Sauron only wants to take back Calenardhon which was once Mordor territory until various nations of Men invaded, occupied, and renamed it as the Gap of Rohan. The whole “cover the entire land in darkness” thing is an exaggeration. Orcs and goblins have sun-sensitive skin; Good Guy Sauron is just looking out for the citizens of his nation by creating extra cloud cover for them, because he cares.
The testimony of Lord Elrond of events three thousand years ago depicts my client as wearing a “scary” helmet, using a spiked weapon, and singlehandedly defeating legions of his forces. First of all, this is clearly biased and exaggerated, and you should evaluate it in that light.
However, even if this is true, what does this demonstrate? In a combat zone, when my client’s military was about to be overrun by hostile forces, he personally led his own units and defended them, rather than standing in the rear and directing others like Lord Elrond did. This demonstrates my client is an engaged leader who doesn’t ask others to do what he himself is unwilling to. And again, his accuser was the aggressor in that instance: it was a combined invasion of men and elves in Mordor’s sovereign territory. My client was leading his nation’s military in a defensive battle against an invasion of other nations on his own nation’s soil. Lord Elrond sure very much glossed over that fact, didn’t he?
You know who is warmongering? Let’s look at one of the close associate groups of the plaintiffs’ “Fellowship”: the Alt-Rohirrim. This lawless group of vigilantes disobeys their own government’s lawful orders, instead brutally murdering groups of orcs and Uruk-Hai on sight and without provocation or justification. Not only that, but they continue to intentionally hunt endangered species like the Warg to extinction. The “Fellowship” openly supports and joins in these activities.
The “Fellowship” wants you to believe that my client’s associates, the Nazgûl, are terrorists who use what the “Fellowship” derogatorily terms “fell beasts” to inflict fear on unsuspecting Gondorians. The truth of the matter is that my client was simply enforcing an international no-fly zone over Gondor to protect an Orcish peacekeeping mission in Osgiliath, which was only necessary in the first place to avoid Gondorian aggression in the region and ensure stability.
Sauron’s intentions are painted as evil, but this is entirely a guilt by association, attributed to his mentor, Melkor. Even if you were to find that my client’s motivations are the same as his trusted friend and mentor, this would still not prove his poor character. You know what Melkor wanted by “corrupting” the song of Ainur? He was trying to make Eru proud. He was trying to be a standout in the crowd. Apparently individuality is only fine when Númenoreans, men, elves, dwarves, and hobbits do it.
You never once in the evidence presented see my client acting in an evil manner. You only hear judgments of his character from individuals with a known bias against him. At best, there are the occasional poor decisions by certain subordinates, but the record reflects that my client has always taken appropriate action to discipline wrongdoers in his administration, including termination.
As you can see, my client has had his good name dragged through the mud with nothing but unfounded allegations, biased and unreliable testimony, and no evidence that supports the plaintiffs’ conclusions.
The actions of my client, Mr. Sauron, have been wholly justified, and you should find him not liable for the plaintiffs’ frivolous and baseless claims.