He's seen the kata, he's seen her move, it isn't as much of a dodge as a prediction, as he sidesteps the Trailblazer's first swing, away from the second which has to go wide to have any chance of landing. Wide and high, as he slips underneath it. His weapon is just an extension, part of the flow, as he strikes her abdomen at full force.
She steps back, and his mind's eye sees the next move, the place where her blades would strike, glimmering in the dark of the cavern. He rolls, diving behind him as the blade in his grip rises up to strike his back. He darts back, his feet avoiding the stone protrusions as he tries to get out of range of the swinging blades that would tear open his chest. Keep moving, keep flowing, he draws his dagger to rest against his forearm. When Father goes to close he'd throw as a distraction, then move in to try and keep the momentum.
Ranari ends after only her two strikes, eyes widening slightly with surprise as Taran lands two solid blows. "Halt!" she calls sharply, rubbing her ribs with a smile. "While I appreciate the enthusiasm Taran, this is defense practice. No attacks from you guys, although I can admire your seizing the initiative. How about you take a few deep breaths and calm down?"
The sharp, female voice cuts through, and Taran drops his weapons. The ring of metal from his dagger causing him to stumble back a step as the his whole body begins trembling.
"Oh Gods," he says, "T-t-trailblazer, I-I d-didn't mean, I-I-I w-would never. It just... and then... " he clutches his arms as he stumbles back, his breathing short and sharp,"I'm sorry, I'm sorry,"he retreats, eyes looking at no one, focused entirely on his dagger. The weapon he had been prepared to throw at a Trailblazer.
If no one approaches him, he'll sit by the supplies he laid out before. Trembling and fighting back the storm roiling through his mind.
Ranari shakes her head. "It's okay! Everyone gets caught up in the moment sometimes. No lasting harm done. Go ahead and take a deep breath, and see me after I wrap up with everyone else."
He knew he'd overstepped, he knew he'd only done was he was supposed to do. He knew that you never stopped pressing forwards, he knew he had been supposed to stop. He knew that there was no mercy, that hesitation kills. He knew he could have gravely injured a hero of the country, if it had been a blade and not a club in his hands.
There had to be a second answer, the first was impossible, unthinkable, there had to be something else.
Maybe it was normal? Trailblazer Ranari had seemed barely surprised, she hadn't sought to punish him for overstepping, she had only raised her voice the one time. Maybe... maybe he was just worrying over nothing. A minor difference in training techniques, easily overlooked and forgiven. Like using running stitches instead of continuous stitches. Very similar, barely any difference at all between the two.
That was probably it. Nothing was wrong, just a little different... that had to be the truth, because the other way couldn't be true.
The remainder of class is comprised of Ranari running the last few students through the sequence. As the students start to file out, Ranari glances at Taran. "Taran, could I have a word?"
"O-of c-course Tr-Trailblazer," Taran leaps to his feet and hurries over. "I-I'm sorry, again, a-about... l-l-like you s-s-said, people get l-l-lost in the m-moment... I-I n-never, I would never... but I... I wasn't th-thinking about...that..." he'd trail off, one hand clutching his arm while keeping his eyes downcast and shoulders hunched. They were alone, maybe he had messed up, and now was his punishment. But, if he hadn't messed up right? It was just different here... right?
"Taran, sit down and take a deep breath," Ranari says kindly, but firmly. "You're not in trouble, I just want to get a few things straight. I talked to Kynari, and she mentioned that you were asking about the sparring practices. How are you used to practicing with your weapons?"
"U-Um,"Taran would say as he sat, "Th-the last few years, I-I've just practiced alone. Working th-through forms with my blade and dagger. K-keeping sharp. B-before th-that, F-father trained me."
He'd squirm in place, knowing what her next question was going to be, but... it had been normal, just a little different, so he could tell her, that wouldn't be a problem. He couldn't meet her eyes though.
"W-when Father and I s-sparred... we'd use l-live blades...E-Esteemed Kynari said that was d-different, b-b-but p-people do that, right?"
Ranari frowns. "When did you start using live blades? Typically only people who are experienced enough to pull blows and keep from hurting or killing each other use live blades. Otherwise there is a serious risk of injury."
"I-um, we always used l-live blades,"Taran would say, feeling the stirring of the storm, "B-b-but there w-was no risk to Father, I, um, well, I wasn't a very good student. I... I only struck him once, m-maybe twice if I d-don't remember, but.... I remember th-the one. W-we trained that way f-for years, I-I... I n-never thought it odd or strange... n-not until tonight... Even Mister Lanan, when w-we sparred on th-the way here, w-we used live b-blades." Taran would dig his fingers into his new leather armor, feeling the studs press against the flesh of his palm. "I-i-it's just... j-just a d-different way, right? J-just a l-little d-d-different."
"Y-yes, I, well, l-like I s-said, I wasn't a v-very g-good student. I, well, he s-said, we w-wouldn't want to waste a t-trainer's time. N-not until I w-was b-better. And, you'd kn-know him, he w-was so a-amazing, even th-though he w-was g-gone on m-missions all the time, he-he took time to train me, so I c-could help d-defend Adar. Halrac Cragshollow, th-though m-most of the p-people c-called him Halrac the Grim. He- he w-was just r-really c-concerned. If we, I-I mean, e-everyone c-couldn't be v-vigilant, b-but w-we could, a-and we'd be ready and m-make sure R-Riedra n-never w-won...he-he c-c-cared a lot...."
Ranari's face turns serious. "I see. Thank you, Taran. But it's important for you to know that training with live blades is in no way the norm. Especially for beginners. It's far too dangerous and potentially lethal."
"B-but, then... But I-I told you, I-I never hurt him... he-he knew wh-what he was d-doing right?," Taran meets her eyes, tears leaking down the side of his face, "F-father w-w-was never wrong, he wasn't, s-s-so th-there was a g-good reason. He... he w-was teaching me, e-even if I c-couldn't do it, even if I-I kept trying to g-give up, even if I-I didn't un-understand back then, th-there was a reason, right? A-a good reason, t-t-to say I-I wasn't any good, t-to say n-no one else w-would teach me, Father was right, wasn't he ma'am? I-I j-just got b-better, since he disappeared," he was getting desperate, ignoring the yawning chasm inside him, "s-something j-just clicked, right, three years of, of doing what he s-said I should, and it all clicked. All those years we t-trained in the c-caves, I-I must have j-just figured it out, th-that's why I could win against Mister Lanan and keep up with Esteemed Kynari, an-and now that I-I'm g-getting better, wh-when Father returns... he'll see... he'll see th-that I finally l-learned... that I can k-keep up now..."
"I-I c-can t-trust Father, can't I, Trailblazer?" he'll whisper.
Ranari sighs, rubbing her forehead. "I don't know, Taran," she admits tiredly. "I've heard...a lot of things about Halrac Cragshollow. He wasn't exactly called Halrac the Grim for his winning personality and deep concern for the good of others. I'm going to have a conversation with my superiors to try and get some specifics though, okay? Hopefully by the time you get back from your next mission, I'll be able to give you some answers."
Taran will nod silently, then get up to leave. Pausing at the doorway, he'd call back "H-He d-did care, about others... He w-wanted to make sure we were all safe... from Riedra and the Inspired... He did care..."
Then, he would leave. It was late, and he was scoured by the winds of doubt and uncertainty. He headed directly back to his room, and collapsed in the bed he had been provided.
This post has potentially manipulated dice roll results.
Over the next three days, Taran would find an equilibrium of sorts. He would rise at dawn, take care of his own equipment and projects, then head to the medical ward to get swept up in the constant care of patients. Loosing himself for hours in the rush and controlled chaos of that environment, much like he had in the days after Father had disappeared. He'd work until one of the doctors or nurses ordered him to leave, putting in 8 to 10 hour shifts.
Then he'd head to the outer reaches of Shalquar, searching for alchemical reagents, praying to The Hunter that he can find what he needs to rectify his previous misstep. He'd spend the majority of his remaining gold buying pre-packaged supplies for making alchemist fire, carefully securing the two vials in his new bandolier, alongside the Morning Star Grenade and the Greater Healing Potion.
He would also synthesize three of the bars of soap, pulling from the stock he had purchased. Wrapping them in paper in preparation.
He'd avoid the training rooms, either practicing in the dark of the outer caverns, or in the cramped confines of his room late at night. Fewer uncomfortable questions and feelings that way. Fewer doubts.
So, I figure dawn is about 6th bell. Hour for self, hour to get to medical ward, puts him starting at 8th bell. Assuming 9 hour shift gets us 17th bell. So, I can likely safely do 3 hours of searching a day, over three days. And, I should be able to fit in another attempt at the Oil of Flame, if I discover the proper ingredients before the last day.
Day 1 Survival: 15 Survival: 12 Survival: 18
Day 2 Survival: 14 Survival: 26 Survival: 7
Day 3 Survival: 21 Survival: 23 Survival: 26
If you want, you can just post what I find in the Dischord channel, and then I'll edit in a second Spoiler with the crafting attempts I might try and make to save posting space
Edit:
His journey's through the caves had finally given him what he needed, while his reagent stores increased, he once more had Goblinberries.
Holing up in his room on the last night, he pulled out the container of Calcium Grease, and once more tried to craft Esteemed Vishal's gift, the only thing Taran could think of to repay him for believing in him, for having confidence in the mess that was this young boy.
Alchemy: 20
Edit: Edit: The catalyzation was perfect, and he sealed the jar, exhausted, but smiling as he drifted off to sleep amidst his tools and beakers
Dulamul bursts into laughter. "Okay, that was pretty fun," he admits. Vishal gleefully smiles as continues to laugh, “It was. We have to do that again later.” Dulamul nods. "I was...kind of expecting him to do something bigger,"he admits. “He looked tired. Perhaps next time. And we also always have the wand.”"We do,"Dulamul agrees with a grin. A giant smile on his Vishal says, “Okay. What’s next?” Dulamul shrugs. "Well...it is getting kind of late," he points out. "Some quick dinner and then bed?"“Okay. I don’t really want the day to end but that sounds fair.” Vishal replies with a small smile. "This is my first time deciding when I go to bed,"Dulamul laughs. “I guess it is.” Vishal replies chuckling along side the shifter. “How does it feel?”"Kind of weird,"Dulamul admits. “I’m sure you’ll get used to it. Soon you’ll be making all kinds of decisions for yourself.”Vishal replies attempting to be encouraging. Dulamul nods. "Yeah, I guess so..."“The more you do it the better you’ll get at it.”Vishal says reaching out and taking Dulamul’s hand, “And if you ever need help all you have to do it ask.”"Thanks." Dulamul gives you a small smile. “No thanks necessary. It’s the very least I can do.”Vishal replies, a huge grin coming across his face as he then says, “Come on. Let’s find a cafeteria or something.”"Sounds good," Dulamul says happily.
It takes them nine minutes to find the cafeteria. "The cafeteria is free for members of the Road and those training to actually fight plus any guests." Vishal explains as they enter. Dulamul nods. "Okay."He seems to relax slightly. Vishal smiles as he sees Dulamul relax, "Let's go make us some plates." Dulamul nods and follows you to the food spot. Vishal grabs a plate and gives it to him before grabbing his own plate and then begins to put some food on it. Dulamul gets a fair amount of mushrooms, bread, and vegetables, although he does get one skewer of meat. Vishal smiles as he sees Dulamul grab some meat as he looks for a place to eat, seeing if there is anyone there he recognize, however he doesn't see anyone that he knows.
"Let's go sit over there." Vishal says pointing out an empty table. Dulamul nods. "Sounds like a plan." Vishal walks over and takes a seat at the empty table. "I'm glad to see you're trying more meat." Dulamul shrugs. "It's interesting." "I'm glad you're trying new things." Dulamul shrugs. "It's a good idea.""Is there anything you're looking forward to trying?"Dulamul shakes his head. "There's just all...so much." Vishal nods, "Yeah. I get that. I hope you're at least having some fun as well and finding new things you like." "I am,"Dulamul smiles a little. Vishal smiles back, "I'm glad. And...I hope when I have to leave you keep having fun. Make friends and all that.""I think I will," Dulamul says thoughtfully. "Good. As much as I'd love to stay by you the entire time. I...need to realize that's not possible." Vishal says, a little somberly, as he continues to eat. Dulamul goes quiet as well, glancing at you. Vishal chuckles nervously, "Sorry. I'm being somber again. I'll stop."
Dulamul shrugs. "You don't have to just avoid the not-happy topics.""No. But...I don't want to ruin the mood. And it seems like I do that a lot." Dulamul sighs. "You're clearly unhappy about something. Why don't you get it out in the open instead of constantly shying away?" Vishal looks down and then takes a deep breath before saying, "I like you Dulamul. Like...a lot a lot. And I'm scared that when I'm gone you're going to find someone better. Someone who makes you happier or understands you better than I do. And then I'm going to come back to you super happy without me. Or worse.....I'm never going to see you again. Because you go somewhere I can't follow." Dulamul cocks his head. "What do you mean? Like, a better friend?""No. Not a better friend. I mean." Vishal turns red as he doesn't know how to say it exactly to the obviously oblivious shifter, "I want to hold you, keep you safe, I want you to be so comfortable with me that I can touch your ears, and that before I leave I can grab you and kiss you." Dulamul blinks, starting to turn red himself.
Vishal takes another deep sigh as he says, and prepares for the worst "I don't even know if that's something on your radar. But that's what I want. And if you don't want it. Please tell me. So I can...so I can know and stop getting my hopes up.""I don't..." Dulamul closes his eyes for a moment and shakes his head. "Vishal, I've never even conceived of a relationship like that. Never even imagined it or had it appear as a possibility in my mind. You can't possibly drop this on me and then expect me to know whether or not I want it." Vishal looks down and starts somberly poking his food, "I know. That's why I didn't want to say anything. I was hoping you'd come to the conclusion yourself. I was even being selfish and hoping it would be really quickly. And if you didn't...well I could still be your friend and just pretend.""I'm not saying no,"Dulamul says. "But I'm not saying anything until I can figure this out.""Right. Of course." Vishal cheerlessly replies as he continues to poke his food. Dulamul sighs. "And this is not going to help anything," he says bluntly. "Stop sulking." Vishal pokes his food a little more before letting out a sigh and standing up. "I'll be back. I just...need a minute alone." Dulamul frowns. "...Okay."
Vishal heads to a bathroom, locking himself in it, he spends the next five minutes pulling himself together. Splashing some water on his face and slapping his face, not hard enough to leave a bruise but enough that he feels it, and in general just attempting to shake off and bury the sulkiness. Making himself smile and think about happier things before leaving and going back to Dulamul. When you get back to the table, Dulamul is frowning as he finishes his food, face set in a thoughtful expression. Vishal has a small forced smile on his face, "Sorry about that. I just needed a minute. If you're still hungry you can get more."He says in his normal tone as he sits down and takes a bite of food. Dulamul shakes his head. "I'm fine.""Okay. If you change your mind I think theres some dessert." Vishal says as he continues to eat. "I don't know what dessert is." Dulamul says. "You eat it after dinner and its really sweet and yummy food." Dulamul raises an eyebrow. "I'd be willing to try that."
"Okay, lets go get some." Vishal replies standing up. Dulamul nods. "You tell me what's good." "I think you'll like chocolate cake." Vishal replies. "Then I'll give it a try.""Alright. Let's go get some cake."Vishal says as he leads Dulamul to the cake. Dulamul grabs a small slice of cake. Vishal grabs himself a slice as well, giving Dulamul a soft smile before going back to the table and eagerly awaiting for the shifter to try some dessert for the first time. Dulamul takes a bite and smiles a little. "Okay...that's pretty good." Vishal smiles as he says, “I love chocolate cake too. Though I have to be careful. Eat too much and I’ll get fat.”"Really?"“Yeah. It has a lot of carbs and fats in it. If you eat too much you can risk getting fat.”Vishal replies matter of factly. Dulamul makes a thoughtful noise around a mouthful of cake. Vishal chuckles and continues to eat his cake. Dulamul polishes his cake off. "Okay, that was delicious."“I’m glad you really like it.” Vishal says only eating half of his cake before saying, “I’m full. Do you want the rest of mine?”
Dulamul shakes his head. "I'll probably throw up if I finish it," he laughs. “Okay.” Vishal replies with a smile before picking up his plate. “Let’s put our plates away and then I guess it’s off to bed.” "Guess so."Dulamul nods and stands, picking up his own plate. Vishal takes his plates and put them where they are suppose to go, assuming Dulamul is following, as he exits the cafeteria. Dulamul does follow, putting his plates in the right spot as well. Giving Dulamul a soft smile Vishal asks, “So where’s your room?” "Umm...near the entrance," Dulamul says uncertainly. "I don't really know how to get there," he admits. Vishal chuckles as he says, “Good thing I have a map. Come on. Let’s try and find your room.” (Survival Nat 20)
“Here you go. This was really easy to find.” Vishal replies. "Thanks." Dulamul smiles. "This place is confusing."“Maybe we can get you a map for while you’re here. We got one under the condition we destroy it before we leave.” Vishal replies. Dulamul frowns. "I doubt they'd trust me enough to give me one." “Do you want mine?”Vishal immediately asks. "I'm pretty sure that would get you in serious trouble." Vishal shrugs before saying, “I won’t tell if you don’t. And all you have to do is destroy it befor you leave.” "They take their secrecy really seriously here, Vishal. I may be Adaran now, but I think it'll take a while before I get trust."“I trust you.” Vishal says sincerely. "That's...kind of stupid of you, Vishal,"Dulamul says bluntly. "Even though I really appreciate it. But I want to earn their trust."“Okay.” Vishal replies before adding, “And....I know it’s stupid but I do.” Dulamul gives you a small smile. "Thanks." He opens his door. "Night."“Good Night.” Vishal says hesitating for a moment as he wanted to add something but doesn’t instead just stepping away so Dulamul can close the door. Dulamul closes the door. Vishal let’s the facade he’s been putting up go. Going back to his room he locks himself in their for the rest of the night.
The next day Vishal decides to look for Lanan. He easily find him, not wearing his armor and weaponless, apparently napping by the agricultural caves. Vishal walks up making sure he makes a lot of noise to wake up Lanan in case he is sleeping. Not opening his eyes, Lanan says "Yeah?"“Can I talk to you about something?”Vishal asks nervously. "Sure." Lanan replies. “I told Dulamul I liked him. And now he’s super confused. And...well...he needs time to figure stuff out. I know that. But...now I don’t know how to act around him.”"Uh huh." Lanan opens his eyes and looks at you, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t know why but....I thought you’d maybe have advice or something. I saw the way you gave us those eye rolls. And your reaction to my soldier dance.”Vishal says sitting down next Lanan.
Lanan gives you a flat look. "I don't have any more experience with this emotion stuff than he does. I was rolling my eyes in response to all the religious stuff being tossed around." Vishal looks at him and says, “But you grew up in that world. I didn’t. You must have some sort of insight on what he might be thinking. And....maybe what I should be doing or be acting? I don’t know if I should just completely leave him alone. Or just pretend like nothing change and that I’m not internally waiting for him to say he doesn’t want to be with me the same way I want to be with him.” Lanan sighs and sits up. "Listen. In Riedra, it was constantly stressed that strong emotion was something to be suppressed. For most soldiers-and by extension, Taskaan shifters-that extended to all emotion. It was made completely clear that the sole purpose of intimacy was childbearing, and the very concept of love wasn't even mentioned. Right now, Dulamul is probably trying to wrap his head around that very concept. You've lived for years with the idea of love, and you learned about it naturally, through meeting people and maturing. He literally had it all tossed at him yesterday, compounded with the dozens of other things that happened. He's going to be desperately trying to find some way to even begin to process all of that. My honest advice would be not to add the stress of figuring out if he wants to be with you on top of all of it. If you really want to be with him, wait. Go find him after your next mission, when he's had time to adjust to doing things like making his own decisions. And when you've had time to think of him as more than the poor shifter you saved from tyranny."
Vishal looks down at the ground and says, “I was afraid you were going to say that. I don’t want to just ignore and avoid him. And I’ve never been patient.”"You don't have to ignore him. But it's not fair to push him. And if you can't be patient enough to let him adjust to a way of life completely different than what he's grown up with, maybe you shouldn't be with him,"Lanan says frankly. Vishal gives Lanan a frustrated little growl as he says, “I can be patient. I can be whatever he needs me to be. It may be hard but I can do it. I just...don’t know what he needs.” Vishal then closes his eyes as he says “I put my heart out there for him and now it’s just free flowing, exposed. And I can’t protect it. And now we have this things between us and...well I don’t now how to act without pushing him to make a decision.”Lanan nods. "Do you need to protect it?" he asks calmly. Vishal looks down and says, "I don't know. I don't expect him to hurt it, well at last not on purpose, but when your heart hurts it sucks. A lot."
Lanan nods. "Have you thought about what it would mean for you to be his first ever romantic partner?"Vishal looks down as he says"I know it would mean a lot to him and me. That'd I'd be taking him into completely uncharted waters. And that'd I'd have to be strong and lead. And, if things don't work out, I'll be the person he bases all his other relationships off of.""And that you'd be the experiment. He'd have no idea how these things worked, and I'm pretty sure you'd have a good chance of stuff not working out the first time you hit a snag, no matter how small. Because this would be his first.""Are you saying....that you think this is going to fail?" Vishal asks confused. Lanan replies, "I think it has a really good chance of failing if you go ahead now, even if he agrees to it. I think it's another reason to wait. Let him have a few flings while you're on mission, get a handle on this stuff. Then, once you've both had time to know you still want this, give it a try."
Vishal groans and falls back to so he laying on the ground as he says, "Of course I had to fall for the complex shifter who doesn't know anything about relationships and not some nice simple human boy." Lanan shrugs. "Riedra left all of us with some lasting scars," he says quietly. "I know." Vishal says as he sighs, "And you've had the least interaction to air it out if you want." Lanan shrugs. "People handle things in different ways.""I know. I'm just saying I'm here if you need to or want to talk about it. Considering you just sat there and heard me ***** when you didn't need to." Lanan stretches. "Not really much to talk about.""I'm sure theres more than you're letting on. Did you leave anyone back there?"Lana replies flatly, "Nope. Soldiers don't get partners.""No friends or anything?" Vishal asks. "Not after.""Not after?" Vishal repeats confused. "Not after the psychic indoctrination had all of them turn into little murder-bots for the Chosen,"Lanan says shortly. "That must have been hard." Vishal replies. "It was. And then I left." Lana says flatly.
"And now you're acting like you're not bothered by anything and are just moving on without scars." Lanan snorts. "I've got scars. Only difference is that you didn't see mine form." "Maybe. That doesn't mean I can't try to do my best and help make sure you've completely recovered from those scars.""There's plenty of monks here who want to make sure that happens. I'm high priority-wouldn't want me going on a grief-stricken rampage, after all,"Lanan says dryly. "That would be bad considering the amount of civilians here. But doesn't mean I can't help." Lanan closes his eyes again. "Go help Dulamul. I promise not to go on a grief-stricken rampage because I'm mourning losing my slave masters." "Are you sure theres nothing I can do for you? Consider it payment for the advice." Lanan laughs briefly. "I'm sure. My scars aren't something you can fix with nice words and a day on the town,"he says a little bitterly. Vishal offer a small smile as he says, "Doesn't mean I can't try." Lanan counters with "Doesn't mean it'll work.""You never know if you don't try."Vishal counters.
"I get that you're practically compelled by your job to be optimistic, but I really don't need it." Lana replies. "I'm not compelled to do anything. Come on. You're going to get fat and lazy is you just lay here and sleep."Vishal says attempting to motivate him. "Not like I'm going to be doing any more fighting." Lana replies. "Why not?" Vishal questions. "Even if they ever trusted me to hold a weapon again, I don't want to.""That's fair enough. So what do you want to do?" Vishal questions. "Be left alone," Lanan says dryly. Vishal sighs before saying, "I should send the kid but....have it your way I guess. Don't be a stranger." Lanan cracks an eye open briefly. "You'll be gone soon anyway." Vishal shrugs, "Doesn't mean I cannot come visit you." "I doubt you'll be able to find me." Lanan counters. "We'll see." Lanan snorts. "Optimists," he mutters wryly. "Next thing I know, you'll be telling me that il-Yannah watches over us all, and that with time and devotion, I can recapture a feeling of serving the greater good."
"Nope. But if you stop being Mr. Moopy Pants perhaps you can be happy. Find a nice guy or girl to settle down with. Do....whatever it is you want to do." Lanan smirks. "I'm not moping. I'm just being a pessimist." Vishal smiles and says, "Nope. You're moping about.""Call it what you want. But I think I'm perfectly entitled to be a pessimist after the last few weeks." Vishal replies, "Nope, not really. Which is why you're going to come hang out with me and Dulamul for the day.""Am I, now?" Vishal says, “Yes you are. I’ll even give you permission to punch me in the arms if I say or do something particularly stupid.” Lanan replies, "And why am I going with you?" “Because we’re friends.” Lanan laughs. "Are we now?"Vishal smiles, “Yes we are and I’m so glad you agreed to hang out with us before I have to leave.”"Nope. You two go have your little day, and I'll stay here where I don't ruin it or make Dulamul uncomfortable." Vishal replies, “You’re not going to ruin it and you’re not going to make it anymore uncomfortable than the guy who said I know you have no concept of love or homosexuality or anything but let’s date. And then proceeded to be mopey like you when he said he doesn’t know.”
"Yeah, I'll still make him uncomfortable. For different reasons." Lanan says. “Because you were a soldier. Welp that’s the old you and this is the new you.”Vishal counters. "Doesn't mean I won't make him uncomfortable. If you want to help Dulamul, don't take me along. You can't get everything." Vishal smiles as he says, "Has anyone ever told you that you're a pain in the ass. And not in the good way.""Nope. Guess you should leave, then. If I'm such a pain in the ass."Vishal chuckles before saying, "I think you're out of luck. Because I like pains in the ass." "Regardless, you're going to have to pick. Take me along and make the twitchy, nervous shifter who already is having trouble adjusting even more uncomfortable, or let me go back to my nap." Lanan stretches a bit. "And you've yet to convince me why I should come along anyway." Vishal gets serious as he says, "Because I don't have a lot of self control. And I'm scared I'm going to drive him away if I go see him alone today. That I'm going to do something stupid like kiss him. Or sulk and get mad at him enough to push him away. And if someone else is there to keep me in check that won't happen. And you're the only one I can think of that I can ask to do that. Taran is too star struck and unconfident in himself to do anything. Caelius can't speak, Druhdaar cannot be bothered. I haven't even seen River since we got here. Juhaan will just be endless teasing. I'm not going to ask the couple or the father daughter. So there. Is that a good enough reason."
"Then maybe you should do something that isn't with him,"Lanan says bluntly. “And then I’m avoiding him which is just as bad.” Vishal says. "You can do something that isn't going to tempt you into screwing up massively. That's called using your brain." Vishal getting a little frustrated asks "Why are you resisting this so much?""Because I don't want to go on a 'fun day' while you try and get me to lighten up like there's something wrong with how I am right now. I've had enough of people telling me what to do and how to feel." Vishal sighs, "Right. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to tell you how to feel or say how you feel is wrong. Sorry I bothered you with my problems. I'm just going to try and not mess everything up now. Enjoy your nap." Lanan sighs. "Good luck.""Thanks" Vishal says as he leaves him alone and heads to find Dulamul.
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He's seen the kata, he's seen her move, it isn't as much of a dodge as a prediction, as he sidesteps the Trailblazer's first swing, away from the second which has to go wide to have any chance of landing. Wide and high, as he slips underneath it. His weapon is just an extension, part of the flow, as he strikes her abdomen at full force.
She steps back, and his mind's eye sees the next move, the place where her blades would strike, glimmering in the dark of the cavern. He rolls, diving behind him as the blade in his grip rises up to strike his back. He darts back, his feet avoiding the stone protrusions as he tries to get out of range of the swinging blades that would tear open his chest. Keep moving, keep flowing, he draws his dagger to rest against his forearm. When Father goes to close he'd throw as a distraction, then move in to try and keep the momentum.
Taran Cragshollow (Summit Road)
Ranari ends after only her two strikes, eyes widening slightly with surprise as Taran lands two solid blows. "Halt!" she calls sharply, rubbing her ribs with a smile. "While I appreciate the enthusiasm Taran, this is defense practice. No attacks from you guys, although I can admire your seizing the initiative. How about you take a few deep breaths and calm down?"
Stella Diamant, Human Rogue 17 (Swashbuckler), The Exploits of Misfit Company
Kat, Medtech, Cyberpunk: Red
Shi, Changeling Bard 4 (College of Spirits), Tyrant's Grasp
Dani, Human Artificer 9 (Armorer), Skulls and Starships
DM, Project Point (Teams Scimitar and Longsword)
Everything Else!
The sharp, female voice cuts through, and Taran drops his weapons. The ring of metal from his dagger causing him to stumble back a step as the his whole body begins trembling.
"Oh Gods," he says, "T-t-trailblazer, I-I d-didn't mean, I-I-I w-would never. It just... and then... " he clutches his arms as he stumbles back, his breathing short and sharp, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he retreats, eyes looking at no one, focused entirely on his dagger. The weapon he had been prepared to throw at a Trailblazer.
If no one approaches him, he'll sit by the supplies he laid out before. Trembling and fighting back the storm roiling through his mind.
Taran Cragshollow (Summit Road)
Ranari shakes her head. "It's okay! Everyone gets caught up in the moment sometimes. No lasting harm done. Go ahead and take a deep breath, and see me after I wrap up with everyone else."
Stella Diamant, Human Rogue 17 (Swashbuckler), The Exploits of Misfit Company
Kat, Medtech, Cyberpunk: Red
Shi, Changeling Bard 4 (College of Spirits), Tyrant's Grasp
Dani, Human Artificer 9 (Armorer), Skulls and Starships
DM, Project Point (Teams Scimitar and Longsword)
Everything Else!
He'd nod silently, jerkily. Then retreat.
He knew he'd overstepped, he knew he'd only done was he was supposed to do.
He knew that you never stopped pressing forwards, he knew he had been supposed to stop.
He knew that there was no mercy, that hesitation kills.
He knew he could have gravely injured a hero of the country, if it had been a blade and not a club in his hands.
There had to be a second answer, the first was impossible, unthinkable, there had to be something else.
Maybe it was normal? Trailblazer Ranari had seemed barely surprised, she hadn't sought to punish him for overstepping, she had only raised her voice the one time. Maybe... maybe he was just worrying over nothing. A minor difference in training techniques, easily overlooked and forgiven. Like using running stitches instead of continuous stitches. Very similar, barely any difference at all between the two.
That was probably it. Nothing was wrong, just a little different... that had to be the truth, because the other way couldn't be true.
Taran Cragshollow (Summit Road)
The remainder of class is comprised of Ranari running the last few students through the sequence. As the students start to file out, Ranari glances at Taran. "Taran, could I have a word?"
Stella Diamant, Human Rogue 17 (Swashbuckler), The Exploits of Misfit Company
Kat, Medtech, Cyberpunk: Red
Shi, Changeling Bard 4 (College of Spirits), Tyrant's Grasp
Dani, Human Artificer 9 (Armorer), Skulls and Starships
DM, Project Point (Teams Scimitar and Longsword)
Everything Else!
"O-of c-course Tr-Trailblazer," Taran leaps to his feet and hurries over. "I-I'm sorry, again, a-about... l-l-like you s-s-said, people get l-l-lost in the m-moment... I-I n-never, I would never... but I... I wasn't th-thinking about...that..." he'd trail off, one hand clutching his arm while keeping his eyes downcast and shoulders hunched. They were alone, maybe he had messed up, and now was his punishment. But, if he hadn't messed up right? It was just different here... right?
Taran Cragshollow (Summit Road)
"Taran, sit down and take a deep breath," Ranari says kindly, but firmly. "You're not in trouble, I just want to get a few things straight. I talked to Kynari, and she mentioned that you were asking about the sparring practices. How are you used to practicing with your weapons?"
Stella Diamant, Human Rogue 17 (Swashbuckler), The Exploits of Misfit Company
Kat, Medtech, Cyberpunk: Red
Shi, Changeling Bard 4 (College of Spirits), Tyrant's Grasp
Dani, Human Artificer 9 (Armorer), Skulls and Starships
DM, Project Point (Teams Scimitar and Longsword)
Everything Else!
"U-Um," Taran would say as he sat, "Th-the last few years, I-I've just practiced alone. Working th-through forms with my blade and dagger. K-keeping sharp. B-before th-that, F-father trained me."
He'd squirm in place, knowing what her next question was going to be, but... it had been normal, just a little different, so he could tell her, that wouldn't be a problem. He couldn't meet her eyes though.
"W-when Father and I s-sparred... we'd use l-live blades...E-Esteemed Kynari said that was d-different, b-b-but p-people do that, right?"
Taran Cragshollow (Summit Road)
Ranari frowns. "When did you start using live blades? Typically only people who are experienced enough to pull blows and keep from hurting or killing each other use live blades. Otherwise there is a serious risk of injury."
Stella Diamant, Human Rogue 17 (Swashbuckler), The Exploits of Misfit Company
Kat, Medtech, Cyberpunk: Red
Shi, Changeling Bard 4 (College of Spirits), Tyrant's Grasp
Dani, Human Artificer 9 (Armorer), Skulls and Starships
DM, Project Point (Teams Scimitar and Longsword)
Everything Else!
"I-um, we always used l-live blades," Taran would say, feeling the stirring of the storm, "B-b-but there w-was no risk to Father, I, um, well, I wasn't a very good student. I... I only struck him once, m-maybe twice if I d-don't remember, but.... I remember th-the one. W-we trained that way f-for years, I-I... I n-never thought it odd or strange... n-not until tonight... Even Mister Lanan, when w-we sparred on th-the way here, w-we used live b-blades." Taran would dig his fingers into his new leather armor, feeling the studs press against the flesh of his palm. "I-i-it's just... j-just a d-different way, right? J-just a l-little d-d-different."
Taran Cragshollow (Summit Road)
Ranari folds her hands. "Was your father the only one who ever trained you? What was his name, would I know him?"
Stella Diamant, Human Rogue 17 (Swashbuckler), The Exploits of Misfit Company
Kat, Medtech, Cyberpunk: Red
Shi, Changeling Bard 4 (College of Spirits), Tyrant's Grasp
Dani, Human Artificer 9 (Armorer), Skulls and Starships
DM, Project Point (Teams Scimitar and Longsword)
Everything Else!
"Y-yes, I, well, l-like I s-said, I wasn't a v-very g-good student. I, well, he s-said, we w-wouldn't want to waste a t-trainer's time. N-not until I w-was b-better. And, you'd kn-know him, he w-was so a-amazing, even th-though he w-was g-gone on m-missions all the time, he-he took time to train me, so I c-could help d-defend Adar. Halrac Cragshollow, th-though m-most of the p-people c-called him Halrac the Grim. He- he w-was just r-really c-concerned. If we, I-I mean, e-everyone c-couldn't be v-vigilant, b-but w-we could, a-and we'd be ready and m-make sure R-Riedra n-never w-won...he-he c-c-cared a lot...."
Taran Cragshollow (Summit Road)
Ranari's face turns serious. "I see. Thank you, Taran. But it's important for you to know that training with live blades is in no way the norm. Especially for beginners. It's far too dangerous and potentially lethal."
Stella Diamant, Human Rogue 17 (Swashbuckler), The Exploits of Misfit Company
Kat, Medtech, Cyberpunk: Red
Shi, Changeling Bard 4 (College of Spirits), Tyrant's Grasp
Dani, Human Artificer 9 (Armorer), Skulls and Starships
DM, Project Point (Teams Scimitar and Longsword)
Everything Else!
"B-but, then... But I-I told you, I-I never hurt him... he-he knew wh-what he was d-doing right?," Taran meets her eyes, tears leaking down the side of his face, "F-father w-w-was never wrong, he wasn't, s-s-so th-there was a g-good reason. He... he w-was teaching me, e-even if I c-couldn't do it, even if I-I kept trying to g-give up, even if I-I didn't un-understand back then, th-there was a reason, right? A-a good reason, t-t-to say I-I wasn't any good, t-to say n-no one else w-would teach me, Father was right, wasn't he ma'am? I-I j-just got b-better, since he disappeared," he was getting desperate, ignoring the yawning chasm inside him, "s-something j-just clicked, right, three years of, of doing what he s-said I should, and it all clicked. All those years we t-trained in the c-caves, I-I must have j-just figured it out, th-that's why I could win against Mister Lanan and keep up with Esteemed Kynari, an-and now that I-I'm g-getting better, wh-when Father returns... he'll see... he'll see th-that I finally l-learned... that I can k-keep up now..."
"I-I c-can t-trust Father, can't I, Trailblazer?" he'll whisper.
Taran Cragshollow (Summit Road)
Ranari sighs, rubbing her forehead. "I don't know, Taran," she admits tiredly. "I've heard...a lot of things about Halrac Cragshollow. He wasn't exactly called Halrac the Grim for his winning personality and deep concern for the good of others. I'm going to have a conversation with my superiors to try and get some specifics though, okay? Hopefully by the time you get back from your next mission, I'll be able to give you some answers."
Stella Diamant, Human Rogue 17 (Swashbuckler), The Exploits of Misfit Company
Kat, Medtech, Cyberpunk: Red
Shi, Changeling Bard 4 (College of Spirits), Tyrant's Grasp
Dani, Human Artificer 9 (Armorer), Skulls and Starships
DM, Project Point (Teams Scimitar and Longsword)
Everything Else!
Taran will nod silently, then get up to leave. Pausing at the doorway, he'd call back "H-He d-did care, about others... He w-wanted to make sure we were all safe... from Riedra and the Inspired... He did care..."
Then, he would leave. It was late, and he was scoured by the winds of doubt and uncertainty. He headed directly back to his room, and collapsed in the bed he had been provided.
Taran Cragshollow (Summit Road)
Over the next three days, Taran would find an equilibrium of sorts. He would rise at dawn, take care of his own equipment and projects, then head to the medical ward to get swept up in the constant care of patients. Loosing himself for hours in the rush and controlled chaos of that environment, much like he had in the days after Father had disappeared. He'd work until one of the doctors or nurses ordered him to leave, putting in 8 to 10 hour shifts.
Then he'd head to the outer reaches of Shalquar, searching for alchemical reagents, praying to The Hunter that he can find what he needs to rectify his previous misstep. He'd spend the majority of his remaining gold buying pre-packaged supplies for making alchemist fire, carefully securing the two vials in his new bandolier, alongside the Morning Star Grenade and the Greater Healing Potion.
He would also synthesize three of the bars of soap, pulling from the stock he had purchased. Wrapping them in paper in preparation.
He'd avoid the training rooms, either practicing in the dark of the outer caverns, or in the cramped confines of his room late at night. Fewer uncomfortable questions and feelings that way. Fewer doubts.
Day 1
Survival: 15
Survival: 12
Survival: 18
Day 2
Survival: 14
Survival: 26
Survival: 7
Day 3
Survival: 21
Survival: 23
Survival: 26
If you want, you can just post what I find in the Dischord channel, and then I'll edit in a second Spoiler with the crafting attempts I might try and make to save posting space
Edit:
His journey's through the caves had finally given him what he needed, while his reagent stores increased, he once more had Goblinberries.
Holing up in his room on the last night, he pulled out the container of Calcium Grease, and once more tried to craft Esteemed Vishal's gift, the only thing Taran could think of to repay him for believing in him, for having confidence in the mess that was this young boy.
Alchemy: 20
Edit: Edit: The catalyzation was perfect, and he sealed the jar, exhausted, but smiling as he drifted off to sleep amidst his tools and beakers
Taran Cragshollow (Summit Road)
Part V:
Dulamul bursts into laughter. "Okay, that was pretty fun," he admits. Vishal gleefully smiles as continues to laugh, “It was. We have to do that again later.” Dulamul nods. "I was...kind of expecting him to do something bigger," he admits. “He looked tired. Perhaps next time. And we also always have the wand.” "We do," Dulamul agrees with a grin. A giant smile on his Vishal says, “Okay. What’s next?” Dulamul shrugs. "Well...it is getting kind of late," he points out. "Some quick dinner and then bed?" “Okay. I don’t really want the day to end but that sounds fair.” Vishal replies with a small smile. "This is my first time deciding when I go to bed," Dulamul laughs. “I guess it is.” Vishal replies chuckling along side the shifter. “How does it feel?” "Kind of weird," Dulamul admits. “I’m sure you’ll get used to it. Soon you’ll be making all kinds of decisions for yourself.” Vishal replies attempting to be encouraging. Dulamul nods. "Yeah, I guess so..." “The more you do it the better you’ll get at it.” Vishal says reaching out and taking Dulamul’s hand, “And if you ever need help all you have to do it ask.” "Thanks." Dulamul gives you a small smile. “No thanks necessary. It’s the very least I can do.” Vishal replies, a huge grin coming across his face as he then says, “Come on. Let’s find a cafeteria or something.” "Sounds good," Dulamul says happily.
It takes them nine minutes to find the cafeteria. "The cafeteria is free for members of the Road and those training to actually fight plus any guests." Vishal explains as they enter. Dulamul nods. "Okay." He seems to relax slightly. Vishal smiles as he sees Dulamul relax, "Let's go make us some plates." Dulamul nods and follows you to the food spot. Vishal grabs a plate and gives it to him before grabbing his own plate and then begins to put some food on it. Dulamul gets a fair amount of mushrooms, bread, and vegetables, although he does get one skewer of meat. Vishal smiles as he sees Dulamul grab some meat as he looks for a place to eat, seeing if there is anyone there he recognize, however he doesn't see anyone that he knows.
"Let's go sit over there." Vishal says pointing out an empty table. Dulamul nods. "Sounds like a plan." Vishal walks over and takes a seat at the empty table. "I'm glad to see you're trying more meat." Dulamul shrugs. "It's interesting." "I'm glad you're trying new things." Dulamul shrugs. "It's a good idea." "Is there anything you're looking forward to trying?" Dulamul shakes his head. "There's just all...so much." Vishal nods, "Yeah. I get that. I hope you're at least having some fun as well and finding new things you like." "I am," Dulamul smiles a little. Vishal smiles back, "I'm glad. And...I hope when I have to leave you keep having fun. Make friends and all that." "I think I will," Dulamul says thoughtfully. "Good. As much as I'd love to stay by you the entire time. I...need to realize that's not possible." Vishal says, a little somberly, as he continues to eat. Dulamul goes quiet as well, glancing at you. Vishal chuckles nervously, "Sorry. I'm being somber again. I'll stop."
Dulamul shrugs. "You don't have to just avoid the not-happy topics." "No. But...I don't want to ruin the mood. And it seems like I do that a lot." Dulamul sighs. "You're clearly unhappy about something. Why don't you get it out in the open instead of constantly shying away?" Vishal looks down and then takes a deep breath before saying, "I like you Dulamul. Like...a lot a lot. And I'm scared that when I'm gone you're going to find someone better. Someone who makes you happier or understands you better than I do. And then I'm going to come back to you super happy without me. Or worse.....I'm never going to see you again. Because you go somewhere I can't follow." Dulamul cocks his head. "What do you mean? Like, a better friend?" "No. Not a better friend. I mean." Vishal turns red as he doesn't know how to say it exactly to the obviously oblivious shifter, "I want to hold you, keep you safe, I want you to be so comfortable with me that I can touch your ears, and that before I leave I can grab you and kiss you." Dulamul blinks, starting to turn red himself.
Vishal takes another deep sigh as he says, and prepares for the worst "I don't even know if that's something on your radar. But that's what I want. And if you don't want it. Please tell me. So I can...so I can know and stop getting my hopes up." "I don't..." Dulamul closes his eyes for a moment and shakes his head. "Vishal, I've never even conceived of a relationship like that. Never even imagined it or had it appear as a possibility in my mind. You can't possibly drop this on me and then expect me to know whether or not I want it." Vishal looks down and starts somberly poking his food, "I know. That's why I didn't want to say anything. I was hoping you'd come to the conclusion yourself. I was even being selfish and hoping it would be really quickly. And if you didn't...well I could still be your friend and just pretend." "I'm not saying no," Dulamul says. "But I'm not saying anything until I can figure this out." "Right. Of course." Vishal cheerlessly replies as he continues to poke his food. Dulamul sighs. "And this is not going to help anything," he says bluntly. "Stop sulking." Vishal pokes his food a little more before letting out a sigh and standing up. "I'll be back. I just...need a minute alone." Dulamul frowns. "...Okay."
Vishal heads to a bathroom, locking himself in it, he spends the next five minutes pulling himself together. Splashing some water on his face and slapping his face, not hard enough to leave a bruise but enough that he feels it, and in general just attempting to shake off and bury the sulkiness. Making himself smile and think about happier things before leaving and going back to Dulamul. When you get back to the table, Dulamul is frowning as he finishes his food, face set in a thoughtful expression. Vishal has a small forced smile on his face, "Sorry about that. I just needed a minute. If you're still hungry you can get more." He says in his normal tone as he sits down and takes a bite of food. Dulamul shakes his head. "I'm fine." "Okay. If you change your mind I think theres some dessert." Vishal says as he continues to eat. "I don't know what dessert is." Dulamul says. "You eat it after dinner and its really sweet and yummy food." Dulamul raises an eyebrow. "I'd be willing to try that."
"Okay, lets go get some." Vishal replies standing up. Dulamul nods. "You tell me what's good." "I think you'll like chocolate cake." Vishal replies. "Then I'll give it a try." "Alright. Let's go get some cake." Vishal says as he leads Dulamul to the cake. Dulamul grabs a small slice of cake. Vishal grabs himself a slice as well, giving Dulamul a soft smile before going back to the table and eagerly awaiting for the shifter to try some dessert for the first time. Dulamul takes a bite and smiles a little. "Okay...that's pretty good." Vishal smiles as he says, “I love chocolate cake too. Though I have to be careful. Eat too much and I’ll get fat.” "Really?" “Yeah. It has a lot of carbs and fats in it. If you eat too much you can risk getting fat.” Vishal replies matter of factly. Dulamul makes a thoughtful noise around a mouthful of cake. Vishal chuckles and continues to eat his cake. Dulamul polishes his cake off. "Okay, that was delicious." “I’m glad you really like it.” Vishal says only eating half of his cake before saying, “I’m full. Do you want the rest of mine?”
Dulamul shakes his head. "I'll probably throw up if I finish it," he laughs. “Okay.” Vishal replies with a smile before picking up his plate. “Let’s put our plates away and then I guess it’s off to bed.” "Guess so." Dulamul nods and stands, picking up his own plate. Vishal takes his plates and put them where they are suppose to go, assuming Dulamul is following, as he exits the cafeteria. Dulamul does follow, putting his plates in the right spot as well. Giving Dulamul a soft smile Vishal asks, “So where’s your room?” "Umm...near the entrance," Dulamul says uncertainly. "I don't really know how to get there," he admits. Vishal chuckles as he says, “Good thing I have a map. Come on. Let’s try and find your room.” (Survival Nat 20)
Part VI:
The next day Vishal decides to look for Lanan. He easily find him, not wearing his armor and weaponless, apparently napping by the agricultural caves. Vishal walks up making sure he makes a lot of noise to wake up Lanan in case he is sleeping. Not opening his eyes, Lanan says "Yeah?" “Can I talk to you about something?” Vishal asks nervously. "Sure." Lanan replies. “I told Dulamul I liked him. And now he’s super confused. And...well...he needs time to figure stuff out. I know that. But...now I don’t know how to act around him.” "Uh huh." Lanan opens his eyes and looks at you, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t know why but....I thought you’d maybe have advice or something. I saw the way you gave us those eye rolls. And your reaction to my soldier dance.” Vishal says sitting down next Lanan.
Lanan gives you a flat look. "I don't have any more experience with this emotion stuff than he does. I was rolling my eyes in response to all the religious stuff being tossed around." Vishal looks at him and says, “But you grew up in that world. I didn’t. You must have some sort of insight on what he might be thinking. And....maybe what I should be doing or be acting? I don’t know if I should just completely leave him alone. Or just pretend like nothing change and that I’m not internally waiting for him to say he doesn’t want to be with me the same way I want to be with him.” Lanan sighs and sits up. "Listen. In Riedra, it was constantly stressed that strong emotion was something to be suppressed. For most soldiers-and by extension, Taskaan shifters-that extended to all emotion. It was made completely clear that the sole purpose of intimacy was childbearing, and the very concept of love wasn't even mentioned. Right now, Dulamul is probably trying to wrap his head around that very concept. You've lived for years with the idea of love, and you learned about it naturally, through meeting people and maturing. He literally had it all tossed at him yesterday, compounded with the dozens of other things that happened. He's going to be desperately trying to find some way to even begin to process all of that. My honest advice would be not to add the stress of figuring out if he wants to be with you on top of all of it. If you really want to be with him, wait. Go find him after your next mission, when he's had time to adjust to doing things like making his own decisions. And when you've had time to think of him as more than the poor shifter you saved from tyranny."
Vishal looks down at the ground and says, “I was afraid you were going to say that. I don’t want to just ignore and avoid him. And I’ve never been patient.” "You don't have to ignore him. But it's not fair to push him. And if you can't be patient enough to let him adjust to a way of life completely different than what he's grown up with, maybe you shouldn't be with him," Lanan says frankly. Vishal gives Lanan a frustrated little growl as he says, “I can be patient. I can be whatever he needs me to be. It may be hard but I can do it. I just...don’t know what he needs.” Vishal then closes his eyes as he says “I put my heart out there for him and now it’s just free flowing, exposed. And I can’t protect it. And now we have this things between us and...well I don’t now how to act without pushing him to make a decision.” Lanan nods. "Do you need to protect it?" he asks calmly. Vishal looks down and says, "I don't know. I don't expect him to hurt it, well at last not on purpose, but when your heart hurts it sucks. A lot."
Lanan nods. "Have you thought about what it would mean for you to be his first ever romantic partner?" Vishal looks down as he says "I know it would mean a lot to him and me. That'd I'd be taking him into completely uncharted waters. And that'd I'd have to be strong and lead. And, if things don't work out, I'll be the person he bases all his other relationships off of." "And that you'd be the experiment. He'd have no idea how these things worked, and I'm pretty sure you'd have a good chance of stuff not working out the first time you hit a snag, no matter how small. Because this would be his first." "Are you saying....that you think this is going to fail?" Vishal asks confused. Lanan replies, "I think it has a really good chance of failing if you go ahead now, even if he agrees to it. I think it's another reason to wait. Let him have a few flings while you're on mission, get a handle on this stuff. Then, once you've both had time to know you still want this, give it a try."
Vishal groans and falls back to so he laying on the ground as he says, "Of course I had to fall for the complex shifter who doesn't know anything about relationships and not some nice simple human boy." Lanan shrugs. "Riedra left all of us with some lasting scars," he says quietly. "I know." Vishal says as he sighs, "And you've had the least interaction to air it out if you want." Lanan shrugs. "People handle things in different ways." "I know. I'm just saying I'm here if you need to or want to talk about it. Considering you just sat there and heard me ***** when you didn't need to." Lanan stretches. "Not really much to talk about." "I'm sure theres more than you're letting on. Did you leave anyone back there?" Lana replies flatly, "Nope. Soldiers don't get partners." "No friends or anything?" Vishal asks. "Not after." "Not after?" Vishal repeats confused. "Not after the psychic indoctrination had all of them turn into little murder-bots for the Chosen," Lanan says shortly. "That must have been hard." Vishal replies. "It was. And then I left." Lana says flatly.
"And now you're acting like you're not bothered by anything and are just moving on without scars." Lanan snorts. "I've got scars. Only difference is that you didn't see mine form." "Maybe. That doesn't mean I can't try to do my best and help make sure you've completely recovered from those scars." "There's plenty of monks here who want to make sure that happens. I'm high priority-wouldn't want me going on a grief-stricken rampage, after all," Lanan says dryly. "That would be bad considering the amount of civilians here. But doesn't mean I can't help." Lanan closes his eyes again. "Go help Dulamul. I promise not to go on a grief-stricken rampage because I'm mourning losing my slave masters." "Are you sure theres nothing I can do for you? Consider it payment for the advice." Lanan laughs briefly. "I'm sure. My scars aren't something you can fix with nice words and a day on the town," he says a little bitterly. Vishal offer a small smile as he says, "Doesn't mean I can't try." Lanan counters with "Doesn't mean it'll work." "You never know if you don't try." Vishal counters.
"I get that you're practically compelled by your job to be optimistic, but I really don't need it." Lana replies. "I'm not compelled to do anything. Come on. You're going to get fat and lazy is you just lay here and sleep." Vishal says attempting to motivate him. "Not like I'm going to be doing any more fighting." Lana replies. "Why not?" Vishal questions. "Even if they ever trusted me to hold a weapon again, I don't want to." "That's fair enough. So what do you want to do?" Vishal questions. "Be left alone," Lanan says dryly. Vishal sighs before saying, "I should send the kid but....have it your way I guess. Don't be a stranger." Lanan cracks an eye open briefly. "You'll be gone soon anyway." Vishal shrugs, "Doesn't mean I cannot come visit you." "I doubt you'll be able to find me." Lanan counters. "We'll see." Lanan snorts. "Optimists," he mutters wryly. "Next thing I know, you'll be telling me that il-Yannah watches over us all, and that with time and devotion, I can recapture a feeling of serving the greater good."
"Nope. But if you stop being Mr. Moopy Pants perhaps you can be happy. Find a nice guy or girl to settle down with. Do....whatever it is you want to do." Lanan smirks. "I'm not moping. I'm just being a pessimist." Vishal smiles and says, "Nope. You're moping about." "Call it what you want. But I think I'm perfectly entitled to be a pessimist after the last few weeks." Vishal replies, "Nope, not really. Which is why you're going to come hang out with me and Dulamul for the day." "Am I, now?" Vishal says, “Yes you are. I’ll even give you permission to punch me in the arms if I say or do something particularly stupid.” Lanan replies, "And why am I going with you?" “Because we’re friends.” Lanan laughs. "Are we now?" Vishal smiles, “Yes we are and I’m so glad you agreed to hang out with us before I have to leave.” "Nope. You two go have your little day, and I'll stay here where I don't ruin it or make Dulamul uncomfortable." Vishal replies, “You’re not going to ruin it and you’re not going to make it anymore uncomfortable than the guy who said I know you have no concept of love or homosexuality or anything but let’s date. And then proceeded to be mopey like you when he said he doesn’t know.”
"Yeah, I'll still make him uncomfortable. For different reasons." Lanan says. “Because you were a soldier. Welp that’s the old you and this is the new you.” Vishal counters. "Doesn't mean I won't make him uncomfortable. If you want to help Dulamul, don't take me along. You can't get everything." Vishal smiles as he says, "Has anyone ever told you that you're a pain in the ass. And not in the good way." "Nope. Guess you should leave, then. If I'm such a pain in the ass." Vishal chuckles before saying, "I think you're out of luck. Because I like pains in the ass." "Regardless, you're going to have to pick. Take me along and make the twitchy, nervous shifter who already is having trouble adjusting even more uncomfortable, or let me go back to my nap." Lanan stretches a bit. "And you've yet to convince me why I should come along anyway." Vishal gets serious as he says, "Because I don't have a lot of self control. And I'm scared I'm going to drive him away if I go see him alone today. That I'm going to do something stupid like kiss him. Or sulk and get mad at him enough to push him away. And if someone else is there to keep me in check that won't happen. And you're the only one I can think of that I can ask to do that. Taran is too star struck and unconfident in himself to do anything. Caelius can't speak, Druhdaar cannot be bothered. I haven't even seen River since we got here. Juhaan will just be endless teasing. I'm not going to ask the couple or the father daughter. So there. Is that a good enough reason."
"Then maybe you should do something that isn't with him," Lanan says bluntly. “And then I’m avoiding him which is just as bad.” Vishal says. "You can do something that isn't going to tempt you into screwing up massively. That's called using your brain." Vishal getting a little frustrated asks "Why are you resisting this so much?" "Because I don't want to go on a 'fun day' while you try and get me to lighten up like there's something wrong with how I am right now. I've had enough of people telling me what to do and how to feel." Vishal sighs, "Right. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to tell you how to feel or say how you feel is wrong. Sorry I bothered you with my problems. I'm just going to try and not mess everything up now. Enjoy your nap." Lanan sighs. "Good luck." "Thanks" Vishal says as he leaves him alone and heads to find Dulamul.