tell me your funniest dnd moments

One time in a campain as a player I swallowed a bag of holding and it got stuck in my throat. So I couldn't talk but I ate a lot of things and it was funny.

Quote from Finn69999 >>

One time in a campain as a player I swallowed a bag of holding and it got stuck in my throat. So I couldn't talk but I ate a lot of things and it was funny.

 Later that bag of holding was used to go under a door that needed a key. It was funny. The kay was in a random chest. That campaign has had so many funny moments i can tell sooooo many more if anyone wants me to say them,.

TLDR

Made my players hate me with human mimics, they tried to fight the BBG and got wiped. I got fruits thrown.

Once had a campaign and I like to add a little quirk to my NPC battles so I made it so mimics could morph into humans they saw or ones in their imagination "these mimics were sentient" and could move their actual mouths around to bite so put your head down to an npc's chest to hear there heartbeat BOOM heads gone, wanted to shake hands with the shopkeeper, Arms gone. My players eventually became horrified and paranoid of any physical actions so they starting demolishing towns soon they met the BBG and thought it was a mimic so they went to fireblast it.... it was really a dragon lack of fire damage, they got wiped. I got several fruits thrown at me in outrage.

Quote from M00nDrunkM0nster >>

 

TLDR

Made my players hate me with human mimics, they tried to fight the BBG and got wiped. I got fruits thrown.

Once had a campaign and I like to add a little quirk to my NPC battles so I made it so mimics could morph into humans they saw or ones in their imagination "these mimics were sentient" and could move their actual mouths around to bite so put your head down to an npc's chest to hear there heartbeat BOOM heads gone, wanted to shake hands with the shopkeeper, Arms gone. My players eventually became horrified and paranoid of any physical actions so they starting demolishing towns soon they met the BBG and thought it was a mimic so they went to fireblast it.... it was really a dragon lack of fire damage, they got wiped. I got several fruits thrown at me in outrage.

 I like the mimic idea!

Ikve been wanting to put some actual fear into my campaigns, and this might be the perfect idea.

I had just bought a campaign and the players were only level 4, first adventure. I gave them the sword of Kas, saying it was just on display in a random person's cabin—a big mistake. The funny part is that it must be bathed in blood within a minute. My dwarf in the party grabbed the sword, and, finding the nearest bath of blood, killed the goliath in the party by stabbing him lengthwise, using him as a sheath for the sword. As in he just stabbed him and then shoved the sword upwards into his body to the point you couldn't see the sword anymore.

Before that though, on the same adventure, something even funnier happened. WARNING KIND OF SEXUAL. So they were fighting these skinwalkers, but one of my pc's was still drunk. Now, we're teenagers, so we're quite unhinged. This player especially. He was also naked because of reasons. He said he wanted to cast Shilleleigh on his dong. I, not knowing any better, said yes. What I didn't expect was everybody then casting spells to turn his dong into an actual titanium-strength javelin (An actual javelin merged with it) that would electrocute and freeze anyone who dared touch it. He then stabbed the skinwalkers, who, at the time, had their arms over each other for some reason. that meant that they would all be shocked. They all rolled nat 20's and he killed all 4 skinwalkers there.

This isn't nearly as funny as most of others but is still funny nonetheless. 

My first time DMing my party was making their way through Redbrand hideout in LMoP when they realized that it was built directly under an old manor. A manor they could burn to the ground. I decided that if they actually got it burning then the damage would cause the hideout to cave in. Now the funny part came when they sent the Tabaxi into town for oil. Me being a new DM made the mistake of determining how long a round trip would take. This came out to like 5-10 minutes. They spent all their gold on oil. Something like 32 gallons. Using the weight for oil in the players handbooks that's 250 lbs. They bought gallons of oil and ran up and down a couple Hundred foot hill in just over five minutes. Then when it came to actually burning the place down I roled really low on my d100 so it only took a few rounds for the building to collapse 🤦🏻‍♂️

Earlier in that same adventure the druid, at level one went on ahead of the party by hundreds of feet only to get ambushed and killed in the first five minutes of his first ever game of dnd.

I'm DM, first session and my players walk to the tavern. Half-Elf Ranger tries to bargain price down. Rolls a 1 + -1 Cha is a 0. Price goes up for him. He changes tactics to threatening to burn the tavern down, with a cantrip (Fire Bolt). Fails intimidation roll as well (Like a 7 or something). Goes outside, attempts to burn tavern down. It doesn't work. They get arrested.

We went down a slide filled with honey.

We where not wearing clothes.

There was a LOT OF FIRE.

No context needed.

I was playing a solo one shotter as a level 1 druid. I ended fighting a CR 6 wizard/mage NPC. somehow, I managed to kill it, and I SOMEHOW was left with 1 HP. The DM decided that I was a god and I instantly leveled up 7 times. Ahh, fun times

One time I made an encounter that did damage to one of my players. One. It was rated deadly. MY PLAYERS ARE IMMORTAL. 

Not really too funny, but I was playing as an orc barbarian who only knew how to say his name, Grobnob. Well Grobnob decided to intimidate an NPC into giving him information about a theft. I rolled a nat 20 + 5 and he rolled 5 - 3. IRL, we acted it out, and I had to say Grobnob in the most menacing voice ever. We all burst out laughing. 

THE TALE OF SAURON (no, not the Tolkien one)

...involving several thousand GOBLINS, one PARTY OF ADVENTURERS, a FIRE, and some GUNPOWDER

Scene 1. Enter PARTY and GOBLIN, chatting rapidly.

GOBLIN. Who are you?

PARTY (FIGHTER). Friend to goblins.

PARTY (WIZARD). Warrior.

PARTY (CLERIC/ME). Healer!

A quick freeze-frame. Everybody stops, then slowly turns to the CLERIC.

GOBLIN. You have been adorned with the title of...IDIOT!

PARTY and IDIOT leave. 

Scene 1. Dinnertime. Thousands of GOBLINs eat at long tables, stalactites and stalagmites in use as seats.

PARTY and IDIOT enter.

The GOBLINS turn and stare. 

IDIOT. Uh-oh.

Scene 3. IDIOT tied to a spit, being cooked by the party.

GOBLIN. And he better taste good!

FIGHTER pours a tub labeled "gunpowder" on IDIOT.

Explosion. Exeunt.

Scene 4. IDIOT has been brought back to life, and the party miraculously has survived another day. They leave the now-collapsing cave, vowing to never return.

one of our players are so much terrible food because they were only five silver. he then proceeded to release it all out onto everything in the entire town which forced us to do a quest to pay off our debts. which then ended quickly when someone else got an insta kill potion and pointed at our hardest enemy yet and proceeded to say "six-seven" which it proceeded to die. what the actual hell is going on in my campaign

Really there are a bunch from this campaign, but one is the time my paladin used Compelled Duel to stop another person from advancing in a race. I kept trying to use the spell for everything and this is one of the things my DM would let me use it for. It just pulled the guy short 30 feet away from the paladin and rendered him unable to continue. Hilarious.

As a player.
I was part of VERY short lived campaign (probably no more than 5 sessions total) I was playing the singer in a party that was going to be a band on tour. Having played a very perceptive and quiet Ranger in the previous campaign, I played this Bladesinger as a bit of a ditz and would wander off reading my wizard books in my free time. I also did that silly pouty slap thing on occasion when I was being a brat, and the DM would have me roll Unarmed Strikes, but since my STR Mod was -1 it never did any damage to anyone (that was kind of the point). That is... until we encountered a rival band trying to sabotage our gear, and my usual play slap turned into a Shocking Grasp slap. The table liked that one.

Oh, in a Waterdeep-based different campaign, we were owners of a bar, and it came to a surprise to the group when I killed a troublemaking brigand with Vicious Mockery by scolding/shaming them for the mess I was gonna have to clean up. Not sure if the table liked that more or the fact that I found the way to do that with a Silver Tongue Tiefling Ranger.

As a DM.
The pizza delivery came in right as my players succeeded in their plan to unleash a trapped owlbear against the goblin banding king and his handful of guards. The guys sat back down and cheered as I basically had to roleplay that owlbear pummelling that entire room for them as one potential threat went to neutralize the other. That might actually be on par with their own most hyped battles.

Took ten cards from the deck of many things the only stopped because the session ended. Also they got all good cards

Oh, right. As a DM there was a time a character got a Rod of Lordly Might and used it to attack a flying creature by extending the 100-foot pole to pin it to the ceiling. I let him make a Dexterity attack roll without proficiency.

...He gets a critical hit.

In session 1 I gave my players a 'cursed' item. A haunted doll named Drudge who attached itself to the player who rolled the lowest. Drudge calls said player 'mummy', screams and cries whenever they're left alone, and talks with one of my most annoying voices. I homebrewed the doll and, basically, if the player who has Drudge fails their last death saving throw, Drudge will take the damage instead and then have a long drawn out dialogue about how Drudge is happy to have had a family with a mummy even for a little bit.....my players don't know this though.

Our last session was in a labyrinth...they decided to check for traps by throwing Drudge down the hallways. Drudge changed minds about who their mummy was three times because they kept chucking it down the halls until Drudge lost its temper and broke the tank's nose.

I can't really be too surprised. In my first party I wanted to throw a baby out of a window in a haunted house.