How do I talk to a disengaged player?

So there's this player who's been in my group for a really long time. He used to be really up-front during games, talked a lot, was the loudest in most sessions. The last 6-12 months, though, he's seemed a lot less engaged. Some days, he just fades more to the background or middle of the party, which is fine since we have other people now who can fill that role at the front of the party. Other days, though, it can be a lot more of a problem.

In our most recent session, for instance, the other players and I were trying really hard to roleplay and build up the energy of the session and every time this player was prompted to say something, he'd answer with the bare minimum response, kind of monotone. It really deflated the rest of us and both of the other players who were at the game mentioned afterwards that it had made it a lot more difficult to play. This isn't the first time that's happened.

So I should probably talk to the player about this. Thing is, though, I'm not really sure how to go about it since he can be kind of, well, oblivious, sometimes. If he's disengaged because he hasn't been having as much fun with the game recently, I doubt he's considered that his behaviour might be a major contributor to why it hasn't picked back up yet. So does anyone have any suggestions for the best way to approach this and get the point across that it's been affecting other players' experience, without sounding too harsh? Thanks!

Ask him if everything is okay. He might have something going on in his life that he's having a really hard time going through. If he says yes and opens up to you, then you can figure out how to help him. Gently tell him that his attitude is making things harder for the other players, and ask if there's some way for him to be more engaged. Make sure that you keep a gentle tone, and don't point fingers or play the blame game. Be understanding. There's probably more to it than what you see.

Don't focus on how it's affecting the other players. That's much more likely to make things combative.

Anyway, the problem is that they're disengaged, not that the disengagement is bugging other people. The approach I'd suggest is to something on the lines of "I've noticed you don't really seem to be into the game recently. Are you still having fun?" with the followup of whether there's something they or you or both can do to improve things. Maybe they're not enjoying their character. Maybe they're not enjoying your game for whatever reason. It's entirely possible that this conversation will lead to them dropping out or taking a hiatus from the game. That's likely not your fault.

Or, of course, it could be due to entirely external causes, whether personal or general.

Quote from jl8e >>

something on the lines of "I've noticed you don't really seem to be into the game recently"

Based on previous experience with this player's self-awareness, it's also fairly likely he won't have realized he's been acting differently and will just have no clue what I'm talking about

that's kind of part of my problem is he may not have realized he's acting weird and if I start trying to talk to him and realize that's the case I'm not sure what I should do from there

I agree with Wolfe, this sounds like he's got something going on in their life they're struggling with, maybe even depression, rather than them checking out because they're bored. Whilst players do obviously get bored sometimes it's unusual for someone as engaged as he seemed to be to suddenly do a full 180 and not care at all. Ask him if he'sstill having fun but also ask if there's anything else going on, how they're doing in general, or do they need to talk

Definitely sounds like you're noticing a change in a friend and that friend may need a friend to talk to.

Agree not to even mention the effect of it on the group - just ask if they're ok, say what you've noticed about them seeming disengaged, ask if they're getting everything they want out of the game, and so on. If it is depression, there's not much that can make it worse as effectively as saying "you're bringing the group down", or words to that effect. It could be this game is the prop that's keeping them up, even if they are still low and disengaged during it. Respect them if they say they need time, and don't put it in a way that makes them feel like they have to leave if they can't snap out of it.

Just bumping the same suggestion. Check on your friend. Ask if he's okay. See what you can do to help him.

And if he is doing fine in general, then ask if he's not having much fun with the game. See what you can do to fix that.

But don't talk about him spoiling things for everyone else. That'll just leave everyone feeling worse.

Good luck! I hope your friend is alright. 

First, thanks to everyone for the advice!

So I dropped the player a message earlier today: "Hey, I've noticed you haven't been as involved in sessions recently, just wanted to check in and make sure you're doing okay?"

and he writes back "yeah im ok"

Which is obviously good to hear, but I'm not really sure where to go from there

If it's not his personal life, then ask if there's something about the sessions or his character which he isn't finding satisfying.

For instance, I'm preparing to change a character I'm playing in a campaign because the concept I had in my head was largely based on a joke, he had no real depth or driving goals, and playing him isn't as fun as I thought it would be, especially when going through a large dungeon where there's not a lot to interact with.