When I was running a session in my basement one of the players decided to investigate a nearby cave and then the rest of the party followed in the cave was a dungeon where a an ancient black dragon lived and when the party went to confront the dragon the rouge shouted “oh f*** he’s huge let’s take his treasure” just ignoring the massive dragon behind him

Lol these are so funny!! XD One personal experience as a DM. Me and my players were going through the Tyranny of Dragons campaign. The party consisted of three Dragonborns, a psychopathic Paladin, a destructive Bard, and a grumpy Fighter. We started the campaign and just as they enter Greenest...

Paladin: "Wait! I want to look for something!!"

I let him roll an investigation check. 15.

DM: "What are you looking for?"

Paladin: "A barrel!!"

The entire table other than him was completely confused as his PC climbed into the barrel and started rolling down the main street. They encountered a party of 2 kobolds and 1 cultist and the Paladin went to the kobolds and literally ripped apart and ATE them. This happened a few other times and as DM I decided to go with it. I RP'd some passing kobolds and the PC's overheard a them talking. The first kobold said that as a child, he had heard of a fabled barrel that would roll into a group of kobolds and eat them. Now in my campaign every time we encounter kobolds, I roll a DC 10 WIS saving throw and if they fail they are frightened of the barrel. NEVER try to guess what your players are going to do!!!

...what

"I want to eat its eyeballs to give me superpowers" - me

EPIC!! THAT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS XD

Quote from YaroArjin35029 >>

EPIC!! THAT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS XD

 *thats a song? I was just quoting my character*

sorry i was replying to something else. I meant the Devil went down to Georgia is one of my favorites lol

One time the party was visiting this halfling city called docktown. While they were walking in, I was describing the scenery, and the background music was playing a deep male choir, so when that came on, I told my players "thats the elementary students choir".

My group was doing curse of strahd and we got his estate and money so we went to investigate a werewolf encampment entered a village, made an effigy with strahd found out the coffin maker had put dead bodies in the coffins but really he got them from the graveyard place thingy were we found out they were improperly disposing of bodies and when we got to the werewolf encampment I let loose rabid children, I then proceeded to trough two out of the cave and then the rabid children tried to eat the ones I threw because they were injured,(forgot to say I sacrificed my blood to them for no reason at all), then to stop them I grabed one to use as a whip, but my hands slipped from the bone I used to bribe the guards to get in and the the rabid child flew out of the cave, hit their head on a rock and bounced back onto the other children I threw, I then grabbed the first two children pulled holy water out of my bag and splashed it down to no effect and one of my party mates was ripping of the child’s legs off. We are going to pick up there next dnd session.

 one time i was dming a homebrew campaign that focused around the domain of dread, Dharkon they were collecting fragments of the monarch of this shattered realm for a while now, but this was their first piece and while adventuring i gave the party rizzard the tome of the stilled tongue from a abandoned mind flayer fortress they investigated. then they learned about the Bagman, an extradimensional beastie who likes to rummage in the places in between bags of holding and other such places. weel basically plot twist the bagman has the first crown shard, but wont come out of his safe places unless they have a lure, enter the crowning palace, a place with all the shines, my group of mad lads decides that instead of asking for gems, they'd steal em instead and so heist time. while heisting, wizard spots a bag of holding and jumps though it, leading him to a trap. a colosseum with  one of the main bbegs inside, a mindflayer, mind flayer challenged  wizard to fight or wizard would become a minion of the dark powers.  after this, wizard beat his butt in a spell battle, but mindflayer was covinced of foul play on the wizard's  part  so he thought the book was helping the wizard win. after this he told the wizard while grabbing the book "  GIMMY THE BOOK " after this what mean to be a grunt of exertion on my part became (because of my voice cracking) a high pitched moan ( the sus kind ) and in THE PUBLIC LIBRARY. we shortly burst in to gales of laughter and ended the session there, because my adhd didn't allow me to continue the session.

anyways thats all for me byeeeeeeeeeeeee

I had a player mug a peasant because the peasant had a gold band. My player approached him, acted dumb as bag of rocks, slapped the man, gave him a gnarly gash, shot him in the leg, tied him up (no gag), and meant to interrogate him. He wasn't able to so he dumped him in an empty well. The peasant sat there for a day and a half, where my players then decided to send their half-elf half-aarakcora druid (who can of course fly) to drop an exploding Ice Knife on the poor guy. They never checked to see if they actually killed him, so he might still be alive. In this same campaign, one of them has a guard drakes head in her bag and they've adopted/kidnapped a dragon egg from a keep. And I thought I was crazy when I beheaded a nothic, cut off his hands, and drained him of his blood.

Quote from cynbrady >>

 “the party rizzard”

 reminds me of a time when I was playing in a Harry Potter campaign (as a wizard) and the dm, to me out of blue, said  “You’re a rizzard, Harry!” This caused me and the rest of the party to burst into laughter. it has been an inside joke for everyone in the party from that day on.

So I was running a critical role campaign for a friend he was on a ship being attacked by pirates, they hadn’t boarded yet he cast firebolt at the ship that I had as a non sentient entity where if it fell to 0 hp it sank then he cast gust of wind and tried to ram the ship so I described how just before he hit the pirate ship exploded long story short, friend blew up ship using a cantrip

I have never witnessed a more oh you’re doomed moment

Quote from ALinkToTheTacocat >>

my group was playing through ghosts of saltmarsh recently. We were in the haunted mansion when my barbarian character decides he doesn't like haunted mansions. The mansion is not a complete mansion anymore.

 WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I am a beginner dm with a couple beginners aswell, and in our campaign, there is a grung monk called malshoon, a void genasi(my homebrew species) wizard called harsna, a dragonborn bard called yates and an elf cleric called ymorna.

in the water-themed city of lucentia, i wanted them to know there was a skywhale.

Me:"above you, you hear whalesong."

yates,harsna and ymorna:tries to imitate whalesong badly.

after that the entire table dissolved into laughter. i know it's short and doesn't seem so funny but it actually was extremely. ymorna looked like she was going to die of laughter.

This just recently happened in the last session I was the dm for the players were finally fighting a mini boss one of the bbeg’s lieutenants they were a chaotic evil totally insane tricker domain cleric imagine the joker from Batman with magic so basically the paladin did the sort of final blow with a smite sending the villain falling off the tower the heroes come down to find that the villain had cast death ward before the fight is at one hp and holding a deck of many things the villain shouts five and pulls five cards from the deck the jester, balance, flames, knights, skull. At this point the flames card does not matter but will be interesting later so the balance card immediately changes their alignment to lawful good a knight loyal to them appears and a death avatar appears then the former villain now lawful good uses the jester card to draw one more card and it is the key card and I choose that a holy avenger appears in the former villains hands the players still do not know that the villains alignment had changed but they did want to question them so all the players and the knight attack the avatar of death summoning in all of their own avatars of death and a new epic battle ensues with the players and npc’s victory and that is were the session ended and as a dm I have learned a lesson on the chaotic power of the deck of many things 

Not a dm.

The DM tells me(monk) that some random thug decides to insult the party. I being stupid and chaotic neutral, decides to punch him in the face. I miss. I keep attacking and use all 2 of my chi points on flurry of blows. I missed every hit. Now i have very low hp after fighting the thugs. The Bard on the party then decides to cast thunderwave(the whole encounter was in an alley). She kills everyone, except for the thugs and herself. The thugs proceeded to beat her up. Both the Warlock who didn't get to do anything and I roll saves and get it but the Bard fails. The DM is nice and decides not to count it(this was our first campaign and we were only lvl 2) and brings himself into the campaign. He beats up all the thugs. By himself. 

Anyways, moral of the story is to not go around punching random people(and missing).

Quote from Tenbay >>

Not a dm.

The DM tells me(monk) that some random thug decides to insult the party. I being stupid and chaotic neutral, decides to punch him in the face. I miss. I keep attacking and use all 2 of my chi points on flurry of blows. I missed every hit. Now i have very low hp after fighting the thugs. The Bard on the party then decides to cast thunderwave(the whole encounter was in an alley). She kills everyone, except for the thugs and herself. The thugs proceeded to beat her up. Both the Warlock who didn't get to do anything and I roll saves and get it but the Bard fails. The DM is nice and decides not to count it(this was our first campaign and we were only lvl 2) and brings himself into the campaign. He beats up all the thugs. By himself. 

Anyways, moral of the story is to not go around punching random people(and missing).

 that sounds like something malshoon would have done, his player is a murder hobo, found out after she asked if she could eat the enemies heads.

So.
When I was a DM (shocker I know). I was running this Oneshot because the Main DM was not there yet.
And, The players went into the bar.
And this ONE player kept annoying the rest of the crew, so I used a "Divine Intervention" moment. And told one of the players to put that player in a bag of holding.
She did it immediately.
(Unfortunately the Oneshot never got finished)