Hmmm...I wonder if the DM meant to make that pun there at the end. Oh well. I feel like this is the right place, gentlemen. Well...gentleman and gentletaur? Gentlecen? Gentlestumps? Anyways, how do we get the bandits to come out so we can kill them? Burt steps forward, sheathes his sword, cups his hands to his mouth, and lets out the most beautiful yodel ever heard in these parts.
Performance: 16
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian(Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
The sweet ululating yodel echoes across the wild plain and into the hills beyond, each honeyed note enchanting all who hearken unto it. As if in answer, you hear a faint whistling....
17
which turns out to be a crossbow bolt aimed squarely at Burt. Whoever fired it does not like yodeling. Which narrows the list of subjects down to everyone.
"Once they hear your yodel, I shall pretend to be the horse that was shot by the arrow. The bandits will surely come to examine me and you and stumpy can capture them as they look at my mere flesh wound," says Sir Knight of Opal Shade. "I brought with me this disguise which will allow me to impersonate the visual of the wounded horse," he adds as he rummages through his kit, pulls out the materials that will certainly alter his appearance, dons the camouflage, faces Burt as he points to his head and declares, "It can't miss!". (Performance: 20)
Having the superior reflexes, Bandit Juan leaps out of the long grass, brandishing his crossbow into which he has loaded a fresh bolt. Seeing an arrow in the horse and through the Black Knights head he makes the only possible logical conclusion :
Intelligence (Investigation) 2 vs Performance (20)
"Shit! Those are Outlaw arrows - someones trying to steal our patch! You three - come with me if you want to live!"
He beckons to the group and then charges back into the long grass, making coo-ing pidgeon noises as he goes.
As the Polar Opposite of White (Pigmentally Speaking) Knight pops up with his disguise, bolts are already flying. "What'd I tell you Burt, they think I'm the horse and they are trying to put another arrow through." He smiles at the effectiveness of his performance. "Terrible shot though... I'm standing right here and somehow they shot you!"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Honestly I thought you were a dead horse for a second myself. Of course, that could have just been the copious blood loss. His words are mildly slurred.
Just wanted to have you click an extra box.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian(Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
(Who are you attacking? The Bandit who shot you but who's now trying to lead you to safety from the Outlaws? That will move you about 15 feet off the road towards wherever he's leading you since that's a melée picture.)
Investigation 14 vs DC 15 (to see if he knows that it was you hitting him on the back of the head, not the Outlaws).
"Gaaaaah! I've been tagged!" the bandit cries as you whack him across the back of the shins. "You'll pay for this you uncivilised Outlaw sons of *****es!"
Beyond him from the long grass, 2 more bandits appear firing a volley of crossbow bolts over your heads towards the road.
On the road, Stumpy Greg looks around confused.
round 2.
Juan's friends try to grab you gently by the elbow and help you towards the camp. If you wish to resist them, you'll have to roll Athletics / Acrobatics vs (Burt) 6 and (tBK)4. Juan limps theatrically off into the wilderness beyond, yowling like a stray cat that's trying to shit out a thumbtack.
Man...one of those damned outlaws sure tagged that guy good. Certainly wish I could have in some way prevented that from happening, but since it was totally someone else that did it and not me, there was really nothing I could do. Nice bandit camp, though. I mean, as far as bandit camps go, I assume. GREGORY STUMPERDINK! ONWARD!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian(Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
"Outlaws!? Those rascals again!? We heard they were around here somewhere" The Once Very UnPale But Currently Quite Hammy Knight exclaims to Juan. "We were sent from bandit high command to come make contact with your team and to order you to hold this patch of grass against all outlaws. Make sure that None Shall Pass!" the Knight continues. "We were told to collect what loot you have currently, along with any spare arms and legs, and return those to the highly secret but yet quite real bandit loot storage facility nearby while you and the others hold fast for us to return with reinforcements. We can leave you a bit of bacon if you like," he adds as he holds out his left arm. (Persuasive Bandit Thievery: 10)
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Seeing as how no one contested the elbow grab, the 2 bandits successfully lead you back to their camp a short distance off the road - a few makeshift lean-tos around a fire outside a cave. To one side is a wagon with a cage on top of it. Inside the cage is what looks like a very angry pig. A forth bandit is standing by this cage visibly trying to placate the pig while the Bandit Juan gesticulates, whines and rolls around on the ground behind him relaying the tale of his immense bravery in the face of overwhelming odds.
As you reach the camp, the bandit leading TBK calls to the one in front of the cage, "Jefe! We found these guys on the road. We were about to rob them when we heard some yodeling - they were attacked by Outlaws!"
"And you brought them here???"
"Well…. Yeah - we thought if we saved their lives, then robbed them and sent them on their way, they'll tell people how much better we were to deal with than the Outlaws, we'll start getting the footfall we need - you known, Word of mouth… "
"You idiot! The Outlaws will have followed you… GAAAH!"
He jumps with a start as something emerges from the long grass, but it's only a pokemon Stumpy Greg. Jefe approaches TBK, absently trying to position himself so the knight will need to stand closer to the fire, producing a delicious scent.
"Look, guys - there's been a terrible mistake. I accept that my staff could have handled this more professionally and we value your feedback - going forwards I believe this will strengthen our bond with you - our customers - and help us provide a better overall end-to-end larceny experience. But if you could just give us all your valuables and run away back to town, so we can - wait, did you say Bandit High Command? If you're from the BHC, surely you know the secret password that they tell all the top level bandits?"
Well of course I know the password. I'm from Bandit High Command! How ridiculous would it be if I didn't know the password? What we've heard, up there in High Command, is that you guys were being undermined by outlaws to the point where you don't know the password. That's exactly why we were sent...to make sure that the outlaws didn't take the password from you. So what is it?
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian(Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
"I... that is to say... uh... well, no, they didn't tell me the password, I'm just a Bandit Jefe, I don't even have a moustache yet, let alone the password. I was... just sort of hoping... that you'd tell me? I'm sick of pissing in a hole with these animals"
"Hey!" Juan interjects from the floor where he's still rolling around.
"...I want to feel a smooth, sanded wooden bench on my buttocks when I shit. All the patróns do all day is sit on wooden benches in headquarters, with their guards down and their anuses unclenched...." he begins to stare wistfully into the middle distance. Not wanting to interrupt his reverie, one of the here-to-fore unnamed bandits lays his hands on Burts shoulder, chanting gently. Burt feels a strange pressure, and there's an audible plop as the crossbow bolt oozes out of the bloody hole, the wound puckering and sealing up behind it.
Burt - you're healed for 5 HP
Suddenly from the direction of the road there comes a lilting yodel, slightly more hard edged than the one Burt did earlier and ending in a kind of snorting gurgle. It's clear from the face of the bandits around you that this is not a good thing. The pig in the cage begins to get very agitated.
"Quite well done Mr. Healy Bandit! High command will certainly hear how well you treated your superiors. You may even get Jefe's lead role here if he gets pulled up to BHC. In fact, seems some outlaws are headed this way. This could prove a great opportunity for you both right here to build up those resumes. Mr. Healy, why don't you lead the charge on those outlaws there. Jefe, if you really think you can make it in BHC, you'll need to be right behind him there observing his leadership capabilities. You know what they say, if you want to get promoted, make sure there's someone trained and ready to take your place."
The Darkest of Knights lets that all sink in as he backs closer to the fire. His nose fills with a smokey porky smell and he adds, "Oh, hey, is there bacon?"
Hmmm...I wonder if the DM meant to make that pun there at the end. Oh well. I feel like this is the right place, gentlemen. Well...gentleman and gentletaur? Gentlecen? Gentlestumps? Anyways, how do we get the bandits to come out so we can kill them? Burt steps forward, sheathes his sword, cups his hands to his mouth, and lets out the most beautiful yodel ever heard in these parts.
Performance: 16
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
The sweet ululating yodel echoes across the wild plain and into the hills beyond, each honeyed note enchanting all who hearken unto it. As if in answer, you hear a faint whistling....
17
which turns out to be a crossbow bolt aimed squarely at Burt. Whoever fired it does not like yodeling. Which narrows the list of subjects down to everyone.
Burt takes 9 piercing damage.
Roll Init!
15
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
Initiative: 11
Hey, that flippin' hurt.
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
"Once they hear your yodel, I shall pretend to be the horse that was shot by the arrow. The bandits will surely come to examine me and you and stumpy can capture them as they look at my mere flesh wound," says Sir Knight of Opal Shade. "I brought with me this disguise which will allow me to impersonate the visual of the wounded horse," he adds as he rummages through his kit, pulls out the materials that will certainly alter his appearance, dons the camouflage, faces Burt as he points to his head and declares, "It can't miss!". (Performance: 20)
Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Other personalities... Burgee , The Colorless Knight, Fiorello, RW Goodbarrel, Dred, Evrik - Out of the Abyss & Dungeon of the Mad Mage
Site Rules & Guidelines || Tooltips || Homebrew FAQ || Snippet Codes || Syllvva's Guides
Having the superior reflexes, Bandit Juan leaps out of the long grass, brandishing his crossbow into which he has loaded a fresh bolt. Seeing an arrow in the horse and through the Black Knights head he makes the only possible logical conclusion :
Intelligence (Investigation) 2 vs Performance (20)
"Shit! Those are Outlaw arrows - someones trying to steal our patch! You three - come with me if you want to live!"
He beckons to the group and then charges back into the long grass, making coo-ing pidgeon noises as he goes.
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
(Initiative: 12)
As the Polar Opposite of White (Pigmentally Speaking) Knight pops up with his disguise, bolts are already flying. "What'd I tell you Burt, they think I'm the horse and they are trying to put another arrow through." He smiles at the effectiveness of his performance. "Terrible shot though... I'm standing right here and somehow they shot you!"
Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Other personalities... Burgee , The Colorless Knight, Fiorello, RW Goodbarrel, Dred, Evrik - Out of the Abyss & Dungeon of the Mad Mage
Site Rules & Guidelines || Tooltips || Homebrew FAQ || Snippet Codes || Syllvva's Guides
Honestly I thought you were a dead horse for a second myself. Of course, that could have just been the copious blood loss. His words are mildly slurred.
Just wanted to have you click an extra box.
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
Ok. Somebody's gonna die. YAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Attack: 21 Damage: 9
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
(Who are you attacking? The Bandit who shot you but who's now trying to lead you to safety from the Outlaws? That will move you about 15 feet off the road towards wherever he's leading you since that's a melée picture.)
Investigation 14 vs DC 15 (to see if he knows that it was you hitting him on the back of the head, not the Outlaws).
"Gaaaaah! I've been tagged!" the bandit cries as you whack him across the back of the shins. "You'll pay for this you uncivilised Outlaw sons of *****es!"
Beyond him from the long grass, 2 more bandits appear firing a volley of crossbow bolts over your heads towards the road.
On the road, Stumpy Greg looks around confused.
round 2.
Juan's friends try to grab you gently by the elbow and help you towards the camp. If you wish to resist them, you'll have to roll Athletics / Acrobatics vs (Burt) 6 and (tBK)4. Juan limps theatrically off into the wilderness beyond, yowling like a stray cat that's trying to shit out a thumbtack.
Burt, tBK, you're up.
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
Man...one of those damned outlaws sure tagged that guy good. Certainly wish I could have in some way prevented that from happening, but since it was totally someone else that did it and not me, there was really nothing I could do. Nice bandit camp, though. I mean, as far as bandit camps go, I assume. GREGORY STUMPERDINK! ONWARD!
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
"Outlaws!? Those rascals again!? We heard they were around here somewhere" The Once Very UnPale But Currently Quite Hammy Knight exclaims to Juan. "We were sent from bandit high command to come make contact with your team and to order you to hold this patch of grass against all outlaws. Make sure that None Shall Pass!" the Knight continues. "We were told to collect what loot you have currently, along with any spare arms and legs, and return those to the highly secret but yet quite real bandit loot storage facility nearby while you and the others hold fast for us to return with reinforcements. We can leave you a bit of bacon if you like," he adds as he holds out his left arm. (Persuasive Bandit Thievery: 10)
Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Other personalities... Burgee , The Colorless Knight, Fiorello, RW Goodbarrel, Dred, Evrik - Out of the Abyss & Dungeon of the Mad Mage
Site Rules & Guidelines || Tooltips || Homebrew FAQ || Snippet Codes || Syllvva's Guides
Also, a spare band-aid or two wouldn't go amiss.
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
Seeing as how no one contested the elbow grab, the 2 bandits successfully lead you back to their camp a short distance off the road - a few makeshift lean-tos around a fire outside a cave. To one side is a wagon with a cage on top of it. Inside the cage is what looks like a very angry pig. A forth bandit is standing by this cage visibly trying to placate the pig while the Bandit Juan gesticulates, whines and rolls around on the ground behind him relaying the tale of his immense bravery in the face of overwhelming odds.
As you reach the camp, the bandit leading TBK calls to the one in front of the cage, "Jefe! We found these guys on the road. We were about to rob them when we heard some yodeling - they were attacked by Outlaws!"
"And you brought them here???"
"Well…. Yeah - we thought if we saved their lives, then robbed them and sent them on their way, they'll tell people how much better we were to deal with than the Outlaws, we'll start getting the footfall we need - you known, Word of mouth… "
"You idiot! The Outlaws will have followed you… GAAAH!"
He jumps with a start as something emerges from the long grass, but it's only a pokemon Stumpy Greg. Jefe approaches TBK, absently trying to position himself so the knight will need to stand closer to the fire, producing a delicious scent.
"Look, guys - there's been a terrible mistake. I accept that my staff could have handled this more professionally and we value your feedback - going forwards I believe this will strengthen our bond with you - our customers - and help us provide a better overall end-to-end larceny experience. But if you could just give us all your valuables and run away back to town, so we can - wait, did you say Bandit High Command? If you're from the BHC, surely you know the secret password that they tell all the top level bandits?"
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
Well of course I know the password. I'm from Bandit High Command! How ridiculous would it be if I didn't know the password? What we've heard, up there in High Command, is that you guys were being undermined by outlaws to the point where you don't know the password. That's exactly why we were sent...to make sure that the outlaws didn't take the password from you. So what is it?
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
Big words! Best back them up with a big 'ol Deception roll. Your DC for this endeavour will be 10
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
15
Totally.
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
"I... that is to say... uh... well, no, they didn't tell me the password, I'm just a Bandit Jefe, I don't even have a moustache yet, let alone the password. I was... just sort of hoping... that you'd tell me? I'm sick of pissing in a hole with these animals"
"Hey!" Juan interjects from the floor where he's still rolling around.
"...I want to feel a smooth, sanded wooden bench on my buttocks when I shit. All the patróns do all day is sit on wooden benches in headquarters, with their guards down and their anuses unclenched...." he begins to stare wistfully into the middle distance. Not wanting to interrupt his reverie, one of the here-to-fore unnamed bandits lays his hands on Burts shoulder, chanting gently. Burt feels a strange pressure, and there's an audible plop as the crossbow bolt oozes out of the bloody hole, the wound puckering and sealing up behind it.
Burt - you're healed for 5 HP
Suddenly from the direction of the road there comes a lilting yodel, slightly more hard edged than the one Burt did earlier and ending in a kind of snorting gurgle. It's clear from the face of the bandits around you that this is not a good thing. The pig in the cage begins to get very agitated.
"Outlaws!" Jefe hisses, drawing his sword.
Strix, Shifter Shadow Monk in Lost Mines of Phandelver ¦ Sihegiall Human Soulknife Rogue in In Search of Molly McGuffin
Hey, thanks! Generally, I get dinner bought for me first....(Joke performance:3) That joke always kills...hopefully a few outlaws, while it's at it.
Burt will draw his sword as well, and remembering the crossbow bolt, turn kinda side-on to the yodel and act like sheet of paper.
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk
"Quite well done Mr. Healy Bandit! High command will certainly hear how well you treated your superiors. You may even get Jefe's lead role here if he gets pulled up to BHC. In fact, seems some outlaws are headed this way. This could prove a great opportunity for you both right here to build up those resumes. Mr. Healy, why don't you lead the charge on those outlaws there. Jefe, if you really think you can make it in BHC, you'll need to be right behind him there observing his leadership capabilities. You know what they say, if you want to get promoted, make sure there's someone trained and ready to take your place."
The Darkest of Knights lets that all sink in as he backs closer to the fire. His nose fills with a smokey porky smell and he adds, "Oh, hey, is there bacon?"
Though not currently a member, seeking admission to the really long and important signature club. Please consider this as a current CV.
Other personalities... Burgee , The Colorless Knight, Fiorello, RW Goodbarrel, Dred, Evrik - Out of the Abyss & Dungeon of the Mad Mage
Site Rules & Guidelines || Tooltips || Homebrew FAQ || Snippet Codes || Syllvva's Guides
Burt pulls a little meat off the back of oppo-white knight's arm, trying to do so secretly.
Bacon stealing check: 15
Through a mouthful of pork: Yeah! Protect your High Command! We'll uh.....clean up the leftovers.
Ready to DM and chew bubblegum. And I'm alllll outta bubblegum.
Kellen Rivian (Level 12 Lore Bard)- Ghosts of Saltmarsh (cbaer8)
Ruven Gilrel (Level 4 Bladesinger)- The Shattered Obelisk