Pizazz's Ravenloft and Beyond

((I think I noticed it sometime ago too, but Lionel was less perceptive - with multiple personality disorder things like this can happen :) ))

Etain scratches his head, "Ya wanna go to tha Bureau of City Services? Ug, what the heck fer?  But, mine is not to question...ya gotz an address...and I can take ya there! Let's go!"  

As he walks he says, "So, you know we're in what's called the Clerks ward. Now, it be broken into sub-bits, but dunna worry that fer now. The lady's ward is basically... " he points straight up "...up there, far side. All directions 'ere in Sigil, cause there ain't no "Cardinal Directions" as ya out o town folk say, they be sayin which is the next closest ward each way, so, in the Clerk's ward, that way is da Hive. That way is da Guildhall Ward. So, ere'thing here be either Hiveward or Guildward. Then, in the middle, up in the air up there, ya see that big spike. It's the top o' the center of the 'verses central, infinite mountain.  By da way, stop me if ya heard all this before. So, the spike is down da mountain, and if there's no spike, its dah other way. Some peeps say 'Downward'.  So, Spike-Lowerward means, if yer in the Lady's ward up der, da lower ward is on it's right side up there...so....you'll be on the that way...that way....", he points right along the ring, and then "down" towards the top of the tip of the mountain that you can just see below the ring.  Realizing you are seeing the top of a mountain, but that it's sticking "sideways" to your orientation..is...very disorienting.  "Anyhow, our trip taday will be takin us Guildward. Ya pretty much never wanna go Hiveward. Da Hive's a bad place. Just avoid da whole part. Anywhoooo...pass the Guild ward, da Market Guild, den we're at the Lady's guild. No problem."  He leads you through the winding streets and starts pointing things out.  You think you might be taking a slightly 'winding' route, but he does seem to be showing you "land marks".   He takes you 'downward', which actually feels like upwards if that's the top of a mountain, but who are you to complain.... and points at a store you're passing, "Tome of Magic Components shop right der...any wizards need anythin...from anywhere.....really they got it. Also a great place ta look fer keys...if yer needin a weird key...could be there....stop me anywhere along 'ere and we can visit no prob."  He takes down a street called Rumble Drive...which terminates at a large open square...on the far side of which is a magnificant building. The glistening spire stretches above a huge round domed building made with plenty of blue-green glass. A massive statue before the building depicts a woman holding an entire world. As is with most of Sigil's architecture, there are jagged points in the green copper frames all across the structure. "Dis 'ere be da Hall o Speakers ya berks. Run by da Sign of One, da business of running da government is handled here as reps from da factions gather to debate and enact legislation, as well as set more unofficial policy....if ya know wha I mean."   He turns guildward and towards another square with a large statue of a horse...up on it's hind legs...but...your eyes and brain take a moment to function. It looks close...but then you realize there's lots of open space between you and it....and the buildings around it are tiny...as are the people.  As you approach, you realize the thing must be two hundred feet tall.  "Dat der's da Trioptic Nic'epona!  Da grandest landmark in da town.  Though we like ta just call 'er Triona. It's tuff ta see from down here, but she's got three eyes way up there."  It resembles a gigantic rearing horse, her front legs curved defiantly, her long man billowing in the wind...and seems to be fashioned from chunks of azurite and onyx. The massive eyes appear to be ruby, emerald, and amber, spaced across it's face in a triangle. The statue stands upon a large platform that is ringed with stairs all around and rises perhaps ten feet off street level, made of the same stones.  Under the horse, upon the platform, you see there are three square sections made of the corresponding stone.  Though it may be difficult to reach them, since there is a circle of bored looking soldiers ringing the thing, and brass poles with leather bands between them clearly mark it as "off limits".  "Da pads der function as gates, if ya have da right key and a special passwerd...but..****y a few dignitaries know what those 'ar...and der off limits ta normal folk.  Oh right, ya said yer travelers. Well, good news, most people 'ere are. And a lot get 'ere by accident. So, yer story is common. Now, this be the city of doors. MAGICAL doors. They mean portals. And they aren't always doors. They might be a pot 'o soup on an oven that ya have to stir counter-clockwise at 2:32 past peak usin a spoon made of a dwarven femur....of dwarf named 'Lucy'.   Could be...just a regular old door that ya walk into under certain conditions and 'wooomp'...yer gone. So...these doors be everywhere, but most are secret. An' der's an 'office of master of portals'....we can go der later.  Now...you're on what's called da 'Outer planes'.  Then der's da Astral, the Prime, and the Ethereal and da Inner...in that order, like a big sandwich. Usually...ya can't use magic or portals to get through more than 2 layers at a time. So, ya got a powerful wizard with plane shift.....and you can go from outer, through da astral...and end up on da prime.  But...ya can't go to the inner planes from the outer.  But...I say usually, cause, Sigil is basically da exception to everything in the universe. It's like the hole poked in fabric of all reality.  Anyway, 'fore you get too 'cited...i know nuff bout the prime to say...its a big place.  Real big. You could find a thousand portals to the Prime, and none would take ya to yer own ball o dirt you call yer world. So...don't go hoppin in the first portal back to da prime....could end up in some real tough spots dat way." 

He leads you past the massive horse statue...and onwards down a main boulevard..... "Ensin's discount elixir's. Der cheap and could kill ya....not recommended...."  

As you proceed, up ahead you see what looks like a large dirigiable floating above a building. "An' up 'ere we got Nittman's Aerial tours. Don't get excited bout the balloon, it's just fer show, he rents flyin metal pads...fer 10 gold per half-hour. Imma registered tout with 'im so I could guide ya if ya want to take a short cut and fly somewhere....ya get a great view too." 

"Disorienting" was not the right word for it - Lionel once got caught in the storm while traveling on the sailboat, that was disorienting. Here they had something entirely different. Surprisingly, the cure was similar - keep your eyes on something stable (like ground in this case), do not look up and try not to turn your head too sharp. Once he adjusted his movements and learned to look at the pointed stuff with unfocused eye, things got better and Lionel become an exemplary tourist, a dream of any tour guide - attentive, curious and polite, only interrupting the boy to clarify something.

The main conclusion Lionel could draw here, was that their chances to get home are not just zero but somewhere on the negative side of the scale: they needed the "door" (which is not even a door), a key (he would bet his cut off beard the key was not a key either) and all of this connected to the right destination, they did not have a slightest idea about (that cut short his idea about "join mercs on the Prime"). Also, it seemed they desperately needed money - lot's of them. If the simple ride cost 10 gp for half an hour, they would not last long with what they had. Citizenship begun to look like something more that an information gathering - legal jobs had their charm.

Lionel looked at the tiefling kid thoughtfully. The boy was smart enough to learn quite a lot from those he guided around, he could know these things too. "Hold onto that thought about Primal planes - I'll have some questions about them too. Lest talk about that Bureau. We were sent to Bureau of City Services to get the citizenship. Does it even work like this? I mean, do you need some citizenship here? Do you have one?" 

As they pass the magic shop Meepo slows down, then moves to catch back up. "Meepo need skeletons. Is people thinking having skeletons bad here?" He asks their guide. "Meepo like have skeleton helpers... Do bigs in this place mind if skeletosn folllow Meepo around? Also, where Meepo find skeletons to make Meepo's?"

"Uh...haha...yeaaaah. You wanna be a citizen? That's good if ya like to pay tax...and if ya wanna buy a house er somethin. But...you just in town? Ya gotta show ya been 'ere for a year before ya can even start the process. So, if that's why we're 'eaded there, den....maybe we skip it.  I wuz born 'ere, so I'm def'nitly a citizen...but I keep ma head down. As fer skeletons....yeah, nobody blink twice 'bout some skeleys followin ya bout. Uh, best place ta' look would be the mortuary. It's run by da dustmen. They another faction, a gloomy one. The all think we just dust, and return'in ta dust. And they run da mortuary. But...it's in the hive, and a nasty place. If ya really wanna go there, that's yer best bet. They collect all tha dead and take'em there, to send through portals' off to places where they don't mind dead bodies...."

He stops you as you're just reaching the Market Ward...."If ya want da Mortuary', we headed the wrong way."

Lionel stopped. Part of him struggled with the idea of illegal existences, but another - much more sane one - was remaining the dwarf that until today he never even heard the word "citizenship" and somehow lived his whole life without a paper of any kind stating that thing. Not to mention disgusting word "taxes" - sure he knew about its existence but paying some? "Bookkeeping" was never part of his personal skill-set and since he left home he never thought of acquiring it.

Just to be sure before throwing away his wooden chip with the number, he asked "If I got an appointment there and did not show up - any penalties for that? And... if I can not even apply before I spent a year here... would they at least give my some information about the city and the laws?"

"Uh...think that chip was fer the information hall, fer appt's there. They don't give those out at the city hall place.  You'll be makin all new appointments der!  They might send you to the stacks in city hall.....where you could do some readin on all the laws an such....but...I can't imagine a more painful way ta learn da laws here...but, it's yer life!"

Lionel looked at the chip in his hand - and put it back into his pocket (Meepo could have something here - never knows when something can become useful). "So, to the Mortuary or - since we are practically here already - to meet our mad wizard first?"

     "My brain hurts," Ketch said, dizzy and not even trying to understand the geography of this madness.

     "Wizard seems the best bet to me," he grumbled.  "I honestly don't know a single thing to do here besides try to get out.  Ok, there's the... errr Book thing.  But I'm not holding my breath that pans out."

     Ketch just wanted something straight forward and understandable.  Something he could walk up to and hit.  Or heal.  He wasn't all that pick.  But he liked the old directions, he liked the sky being a sky.  The more he was here, the less he liked here.

"Meepo no need skeletons right away." Meepo says with a nod to The Lionel. "Meepo friends want see wizard. Believe wizard at Fortune's Favor or something like..."

Ulthan pipes up after being assaulted by words for the too many city blocks "hrmpfh portal place maybe hrmpfh". "hrmpfh no gold be slave city hrmpfh".

"You know the "Fortune's Wheel", kid? Take us there. There is a ... friend we need to talk to. Then we might know better where to go next." Truth be told, Lionel personally did not believe it - his feelings toward the crazy wizard were quite mixed - but Ketch and Meepo were right here, that crazy old man was the only familiar and - as funny as it sounded - sane face in this place.

Etain nods, "Well, that sound like a grand ol plan. Follow me."  As you move from the clerk's ward, through into the Guild Ward and Market Ward there's a very distinct difference. From formal halls of bureaucracy and stuffy government style people you've come into what you'd guess it the very beating heart of Sigil.  The Guildhall and Market wards appears to mean business: nonstop, round-the-clock trade conducted by the universes premier merchants, craftsmen, and lenders. Food, medicine, clothings, tools, transport, weapons, cookware and furniture are all available in reams here.  "You can find it'all here in the markets of Sigil. Wood fer that wand, polish for an Arcadian emerald, healing syrup for a tiefling with an upset tummy...if it's ain't round here...it ain't anywhere. Full stop."

He leads you into the start of what appears to be a multi-mile long maze of wall to wall merchants, stalls, and sellers, setup in a chaotic maze like collection crowded between buildings and filling the sky overhead with tents and coverings floors deep. You figure you could shop here for months and never visit the same merchant twice. The smells of cooking food, the exoticness of the things for sale, is all quite overwhelming as he leads you through it all. "This 'un the great bazaar'.  Could spend a lifetime here and never need ta leave. There's some rules 'ere. Rule 1, sometimes it's betta to know nothing at all, than half-know a lot.  Rule 2, You order it, you own it.  Rule 3, The easiest way to make a fortune is through the gullibility of others.  Yer in Sigil now, rule always come in threes." 

It takes a while, but eventually you emerge from the far side of the market ward. The stalls slowly thin out, shops become less regular, and the streets start to become emptier and emptier.  As well, the buildings get larger, more grandious homes, with private walled yards, gates, and even some attempts at gardens.  Eventually Etain stops, and motions around, "The Lady's Ward is silent and watchful as a chessboard. No move goes unnoticed or unchallenged here, so pawns and bit players die in droves - that's pawns like you an me, cutter. Watch who ya cross, and beware of who ya seen with: it don't pay to have da wrong enemies ...or wrong friends....here." 

Compared to the cramped narrow streets of previous wards, the Lady's Ward is practically roomy. The main streets are cold, broad, and echoing and you can see huge swaths of sky, more than anywhere else in the city.  The ring of the city curving up and over you is amazing to behold. The tip of a mountain pointing in from one side is strange and fantastic. You wonder what happens if you fall off the edge of the city down towards an endless mountain.  Probably something that takes a long time.  Off the main streets the ward is a little more like the rest of town. The alleys are full of sharp corners, with lights shining from recessed windows. There's a good half-dozen public clock towers in the squares, all of which run forward, and then backwards, from peak to antipeak. Eventually Etain leads you to a large sprawling building with the title "Fortune's Wheel" on the front. "It's a tavern anna Inn. Its where da high and mighty come to engage in kriegstanz.  Tha main common room is the Dragon Bar, there's alsa tha Dicing Cup room, da Bear-Baiting room, and Fortune's Wheel itself."   He leads you in, nodding to a guard at the front who nods back. 

Inside you find a sprawling multi-roomed multi-floored maze of taverns in various styles. Though the main one you enter, the Dragon Bar, is by far the largest and most opulent. It's the size of a four great halls together, and twice as opulent. An enormous carved dragon's head arches over the main bar's massive room wide mirror, descending to the corner of the bar itself. The carving seems to be moving it's mouth, and some patrons at the end of the bar seem to be speaking to the carving on the wall. There is a stage on one side of the room. A stunning albino half-elf woman, with lustrous silver hair plays beautifully on stage, holding guitar while singing in a silvery wonderous voice. You overhear all sorts of conversations that hint at interesting plots, quests, or intrigue.  Then you spot Mordenkainen. He's sitting at a table amidst the scraps of a massive meal. There is a tiefling woman wearing a semi-transparent long white dress, with feathery black wings on one side, and a smooth skinned man with too well manicured hands on the other stroking the wizards neck and laughing at a joke. A guard stands at the side of the booth with watchful eyes. 

Before they get into the Fortune's Wheel, Mordekai responds to Etain (at the relevant point in conversation!), "Who exactly are the wrong enemies, or the wrong friends, around here?  Are we talking faction allegiances, or specific people?"

He shrugs, "Depends on tha day. That was really more a general sorta comment. 'Sides, if I knew that, I'd probably be in charge round 'ere!"

"I think he means local politics," added Lionel. The Ward did look like the noble parts of the city (or any city), "this is when reputation is everything and you stop inviting someone to your house if that someone behaves too extravagantly for the acceptable behavior and not highborn enough to be forgiven."

He walked into the "tavern anna Inn" in a deep thoughts. The place at least smelled less assaulting than the Market, but other than that looked about the way he first suspected after hearing the name. Once the wizard was spotted, Lionel could only shake head at the picture. "Would you look at that! Someone truly celebrates his freedom from the planes of dread." On the other hand, it could hint on sanity. "Shall we?" He made a step toward the mage.

     Ketch follows ‘da Lionel’ a step behind.  He has his shield and axe stowed and has quickly run his fingers through his hair, a sad and futile attempt to look more respectable.  As they’re approaching the wizard Ketch gives out one of those “Excuse me” coughs...

The group approaches the table. The rough looking warrior sees them approaching, and steps forward, his hand out...spines seem to sprout from his face and bare skin and he gives the group a fearsome look....but Mordenkainen notices and waves absently at him, "Oooh, Tiphous....it's ok....they're friends...they may approach."  He looks at the bunch of you, a small smile appearing on his face as if he feels a little ashamed on your behalf for your state.  "Well, look at all of you. You've been here almost a whole day and you're still alive.  Lucky you!"  He glances at Lionel, "Goodness gracious me. Are you still a dwarf?  Did I not fix that?"  He sighs and looks at the rest of them, "By the look of those dour faces I bet I can guess what you're here to ask." He shakes his face sadly, "Do you know, universe refers to a single....part of the prime material. Each...universe....is actually within what are called crystal sphere, self contained universes, some with dramatically different rules and situations. And all of that, all those universes, are just on the prime. That's just one plane of existence. Each other plane is just as expansive. And that....my friends, is why they call it a multi-verse." He seems to emphasize this with a waggle of his finger. The booth isn't big enough for all of you, maybe 2, and he doesn't seem to have offered a seat, so you all still stand there, waiting for him to get to his point, "And so...in all that infinite madness, at the very center, is an infinite mountain, at the top of which is a golden ring. If ever there was a center of the universe, it was here. Simply, the most magnificent, wonderous, and magnificent city in all the whole multiverse. Where the right move can change WORLDS...not just a few measly lives.  All of this, and look at you, all looking like some jerk stole yer candy.  You're all looking to get back to a single city, in some backwards country, on some continent, on one world, within a crystal sphere of possibilities, within the entire planes worth of crystal spheres.  My goodness."   He makes an amused, but seemingly good natured disgusted face and waves both his hands at you, "Baaaah, you've no idea how lucky you are."   He glances at your faces, the disapproving looks, the darting eyes, "Oh my oh my. Well, yes then, you may make a request of me. I'll fix you good dwarf sir, and .....Mordenkainen, one of the most powerful wizards in all the multi-verse, I offer the rest of you each a reasonable gift, as I stated. Ask it if you wish. And yes yes, if you wish to return home, I've enough sway in this place to get us to the right place."  He glances around and waits.  The demon girl next to him grins at you both, while stroking Mordenkainen's ear absently. The man on his other side smiles, but looks at the table not making eye contact, as if he's in on some joke, and rests his chin on Mordenkainen's shoulder in a playful way. 

Mordekai is lost in thought for a moment. This is the first time he's heard this wizard make sense, and if he's honest, it's maybe the most sense he's ever heard anyone make. In truth, Mordekai doesn't really have any attachment to the universe they just came from, although he's never really realised it before. He's a little torn. Sometimes he has pangs of sadness about not having a place he calls home. Anywhere he's ever thought about settling (which has been very rare), things inevitably unravel once his deceptions begin to catch up with him and he's had to leave town, more often than not in a great deal of haste.

But what he truly relishes is freedom, and if he's honest with himself, power. Homes often come with a type of power, but usually the kind of power that ties you down and boxes you in. Mordekai likes his magic because it's the type of power he gets to take with him. And the more he thinks about it, these friends he's found are the closest he's ever going to find to having a home that he gets to take with him. 

So what could he possibly ask the wizard for? (he doubts the wizard can grant him additional spell slots!) More power, would probably come from great treasure, relics, or learning from Tomes. More protection, perhaps? (because AC15 leaves a lot to be desired at this point). Mordekai has no intention of opening all of this introspection up to the others though. 

(TL;DR pick up from here!)

"I have no urge to get back to any particular place. For my part, my only relevant ties are to these people here, so I'll go where they go, and I'll seek what they seek. And my personal reward will be the treasure I pick up along the way. Things that make me stronger. You don't have any of those, perhaps? Artefacts you're not using? Books, perhaps on how to lead or influence people? Or, perhaps you have the skills to imbue magical properties on mundane items? I have a lovely new cloak and could really do with some more protection in inevitable conflict. I don't know, perhaps I'm asking too much?"

The wizard shrugs, "I believe there should be something I can do. Pass me your wonderous new cloak. When you return tomorrow, say noon, I'll have added some enchantment to it that will ensure you've got a bit more protection."