He isn't from round these parts. or this continent.
Sivney comes from a land called Atlam, a land that harboured a strange secret, The Soul of Atlam (henceforth SoA), a machine with a mysterious heart that can magically transport something from one place to another. The SoA was kept a secret from the people of Atlam and it's allies as to not lure those who would use it for evil, eventually fading into legend. Unfortunately secrets don't stay secrets forever, and soon the news of a new "superweapon" having been made by the Altams spread around, leading to other nations asking questions, but the Atlam Royal family further denied it's existence, creating even more rumours of Atlam wanting to take over the continent. Soon Atlam was at war with Dolea, it's neighbour to the west, who sought to make take the SoA for there own. The resulting war left hundreds dead, and the larger Dolean army was more than a match for Atlam's much smaller (but more advanced) one. This is where Sivney comes in, being too young to join the army when the war started, so he took up hunting to try and prepare for the fighting. When he reached legal age he joined the fight. he fought for years, only surviving due to his skills with both crossbow and blade. he saw the horrors of war and was determined to end it. He decided to end the years of bloodshed by destroying the one thing keeping it going, The Soul of Atlam, but as the only people who knew of it's location were royalty, he couldn't achieve his goal. Though, as fate would have it, during a battle to defend a part of the coast he intercepted a Dolean messenger carrying a message that they had found were the SoA was being stored. He travelled to Labyn, the oldest town in Atlam, to seek out the Soul of Atlam and end the war. once he found where it was being held, he snuck into the keep and stole the Soul of Atlam. After his daring heist he finally reached the SoA and went to strike it with his blade. As soon as the blade touched the crystalline artefact it shattered , releasing untold amounts of energy and enveloping Sivney in a bright, blue light. (ok for context: the Soul of Atlam is the physicality of the travelling spirit of the Atlam people (who used to be from all around before landing in Atlam), and since Atlam is THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD at this point it's not that hard to figure out it was pretty full of magicy-soul-spirit stuff, and in the far, FAR, past it was formed by the need for the people to save themselves from floating around in the middle of the ocean after their first home on a volcanic island got the rumbles and they had to flee. So breaking it basically released all that pent up teleport magic. ok, you should be caught up with my 3am lore tangent). The light kept growing until it covered most of Atlam, including but not limited to, Labyn, The capital: Hyrim, and most of the coastal regions were covered in a blue bubble of energy.
Then the bubble burst.
Sivney was thrown back at so fast he barely caught a glimpse of what remained of Atlam, a shattered land with parts just “missing”, and the little remained but a blasted heath. He also may have seen other blue bolts leading away from the blast, but before he could comprehend what he saw he heard a *crack* behind him and he flew through a newly opened portal and out into an unfamiliar sky…
I wrote this for my first ever character and since I'm starting my second campaign (a much more story/roleplay oriented one compared to my first, which explored next to nothing in our characters) and I want to clean it up for mine and my dm's sake but I can't show it to my friends cause they're in the campaign as well and, for all they know, I just fell out of the sky one day (plus my dm isn't good at literary critique to any degree), so I was wondering if anyone out there had any pointers or ideas for improving this backstory
Cool concept. There's one big issue with this story as a backstory. Backstory is how you create connections and problems that recur in a character's life. You've created a break which means the character's past experience can't catch up to him. That's not a deal breaker--one good thing to do with backstory is to explain why the character is looking for motivation (the kind that will come out of whatever plot the DM has planned) and this one does that. I'd encourage you to talk with your GM about how there could be connections between where this character came from and where the adventure takes place.
He isn't from round these parts. or this continent.
Sivney comes from a land called Atlam, a land that harboured a strange secret, The Soul of Atlam (henceforth SoA), a machine with a mysterious heart that can magically transport something from one place to another. The SoA was kept a secret from the people of Atlam and it's allies as to not lure those who would use it for evil, eventually fading into legend. Unfortunately secrets don't stay secrets forever, and soon the news of a new "superweapon" having been made by the Altams spread around, leading to other nations asking questions, but the Atlam Royal family further denied it's existence, creating even more rumours of Atlam wanting to take over the continent. Soon Atlam was at war with Dolea, it's neighbour to the west, who sought to make take the SoA for there own. The resulting war left hundreds dead, and the larger Dolean army was more than a match for Atlam's much smaller (but more advanced) one. This is where Sivney comes in, being too young to join the army when the war started, so he took up hunting to try and prepare for the fighting. When he reached legal age he joined the fight. he fought for years, only surviving due to his skills with both crossbow and blade. he saw the horrors of war and was determined to end it. He decided to end the years of bloodshed by destroying the one thing keeping it going, The Soul of Atlam, but as the only people who knew of it's location were royalty, he couldn't achieve his goal. Though, as fate would have it, during a battle to defend a part of the coast he intercepted a Dolean messenger carrying a message that they had found were the SoA was being stored. He travelled to Labyn, the oldest town in Atlam, to seek out the Soul of Atlam and end the war. once he found where it was being held, he snuck into the keep and stole the Soul of Atlam. After his daring heist he finally reached the SoA and went to strike it with his blade. As soon as the blade touched the crystalline artefact it shattered , releasing untold amounts of energy and enveloping Sivney in a bright, blue light. (ok for context: the Soul of Atlam is the physicality of the travelling spirit of the Atlam people (who used to be from all around before landing in Atlam), and since Atlam is THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD at this point it's not that hard to figure out it was pretty full of magicy-soul-spirit stuff, and in the far, FAR, past it was formed by the need for the people to save themselves from floating around in the middle of the ocean after their first home on a volcanic island got the rumbles and they had to flee. So breaking it basically released all that pent up teleport magic. ok, you should be caught up with my 3am lore tangent). The light kept growing until it covered most of Atlam, including but not limited to, Labyn, The capital: Hyrim, and most of the coastal regions were covered in a blue bubble of energy.
Then the bubble burst.
Sivney was thrown back at so fast he barely caught a glimpse of what remained of Atlam, a shattered land with parts just “missing”, and the little remained but a blasted heath. He also may have seen other blue bolts leading away from the blast, but before he could comprehend what he saw he heard a *crack* behind him and he flew through a newly opened portal and out into an unfamiliar sky…
I wrote this for my first ever character and since I'm starting my second campaign (a much more story/roleplay oriented one compared to my first, which explored next to nothing in our characters) and I want to clean it up for mine and my dm's sake but I can't show it to my friends cause they're in the campaign as well and, for all they know, I just fell out of the sky one day (plus my dm isn't good at literary critique to any degree), so I was wondering if anyone out there had any pointers or ideas for improving this backstory
Cool concept. There's one big issue with this story as a backstory. Backstory is how you create connections and problems that recur in a character's life. You've created a break which means the character's past experience can't catch up to him. That's not a deal breaker--one good thing to do with backstory is to explain why the character is looking for motivation (the kind that will come out of whatever plot the DM has planned) and this one does that. I'd encourage you to talk with your GM about how there could be connections between where this character came from and where the adventure takes place.
Thanks I’ll do that👍