Challenge: Writing Edgiest Character

So. I would like to see you all come up with the most edgy character backstory conceivable. I'm not looking for quality, mind you. Only over-the-top suffering, nihilism, lack of parents, etc. The creator of the edgiest character backstory wins... absolutely nothing.

Gary Stu is an orphan. His entire village, and both parents, were killed by goblins. He tried to warn the adults that the goblins were going to attack, but adults never understand the wisdom.and knowledge of children. Parents just dont understand.

Gary grew and quickly found an adventuring group because as an adult, everyone could see that he was the greatest, most interesting, most important person of all times. Gary prefers to be the center of anything the party is doing. If the party is talking to a merchantx Gary wants to do the persuasion check. If the party is in combat, Gary wants to make the killing blow. If the party is looking into someones backstory, Gary wants it to be his.  Gary likes sending the dm private messages about the quest he is on while the rest of the party is doing the boring campaign stuff.  Gary tends to roll his dice behind some books he has on the table, declares an 18, and then quickly scoops the die back up, before anyone can see.  Gary will roll a d20 constantly, and when it comes up with a good number, he will stop and on his turn he will say thats his roll for the attack hes doing. Gary is offended if you ask him to roll in the middle of the table where everyone can see.

There's a VLDL sketch on character introductions that has pretty much what you're looking for. But I'll have a go at it.

Malady Bloodreign was never supposed to be born. Her mother traded her life to a 2-hag coven (for eternal youth) while she was in the womb, and she was born prematurely when a Nightwalker escaped the Negative Plane and destroyed her village. The 2-hag coven delivered her and raised her as the future third member, teaching her the ways of necromancy and poisons. She would have been happy if a band of would-be heroes hadn't come to set fire to the coven's cottage when she was just the tender age of 6. Malady escaped the flames, the "heroes" chasing her to take her life. She hid in the swamp, with nothing but pustulent rats and leech-infested water to keep her alive. The only lesson she learned that day would carry her through the cold, lonely years: humans only serve themselves.

She became an adventurer to get revenge on the short-sighted idiots who ruined her life. She's a lone wolf who doesn't play by the rules, doesn't trust anyone, and has a deep suspicion of humans. At night, the fires that took her hag family burn in her nightmares, and sometimes sear her flesh (which is why she always wears a mask and gloves!!) but she keeps all the pain locked up inside so that nobody can use it against her.

Yeesh, that was awful. Nobody play this character, haha.