(TLDR this is a ruff draft for one of my first clerics. I think this story is to dark and would like any suggestions to lighten it up a bit. Please and thankyou)
Davben family grew rich on the illegal hard wood trade. His grandfather wished to grow the family's wealth. Promising his only daughter in a marriage alliance. But after the intervention of a traveling bard they had to renege on the marriage alliance and Davben was born a year later.
Davben's childhood was tough. After having to renege on the alliance his grandfather grew paranoid. His grandfather took his fear out on those around him. Davben escaped his tormentor by turning to clergy (insert light domain god here). Davben's faith was at first a cooping mechanism. He fully joined the clergy after the death of his grandfather.
The ally that was originally promised a bride finally woke up and came to claim what was promised. He was a vampire lord and he came on a dark and stormy night. The vampire stopped making demanding what was promised when he saw Davben. After apologizing for his behavior and saying that he understood why the deal was broken. Then the vampire broke the grandfather's neck and fled.
Davben with drew into his faith as the family's fortunes fell on hard times. Davben with drew further and further into the order to try to escape the trauma until the high priest decided that Davben had to go out and face the world. He now must make his way in the world, hunt the vampire and face his own demons.
Hmm, sounds like an interesting backstory. I am curious why the vampire would kill the Grandfather but not the character himself. Perhaps an explanation of that would be good.
In terms of making the backstory lighter, I think one thing you can do isn't to change what you have, but add other elements that aren't so tragic and dark. Here you've highlighted what we might call the worst pieces of the character's history, but are there any other pieces that are good? How is the relationship with the rest of the family, especially the mother? Are there any close friends or mentors that provide a positive influence? Even if a lot of those relationships are still tinged with sadness, they can also be a source of happiness or calm for the character.
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(TLDR this is a ruff draft for one of my first clerics. I think this story is to dark and would like any suggestions to lighten it up a bit. Please and thankyou)
Davben family grew rich on the illegal hard wood trade. His grandfather wished to grow the family's wealth. Promising his only daughter in a marriage alliance. But after the intervention of a traveling bard they had to renege on the marriage alliance and Davben was born a year later.
Davben's childhood was tough. After having to renege on the alliance his grandfather grew paranoid. His grandfather took his fear out on those around him. Davben escaped his tormentor by turning to clergy (insert light domain god here). Davben's faith was at first a cooping mechanism. He fully joined the clergy after the death of his grandfather.
The ally that was originally promised a bride finally woke up and came to claim what was promised. He was a vampire lord and he came on a dark and stormy night. The vampire stopped making demanding what was promised when he saw Davben. After apologizing for his behavior and saying that he understood why the deal was broken. Then the vampire broke the grandfather's neck and fled.
Davben with drew into his faith as the family's fortunes fell on hard times. Davben with drew further and further into the order to try to escape the trauma until the high priest decided that Davben had to go out and face the world. He now must make his way in the world, hunt the vampire and face his own demons.
Outside the Lines Fantasy – A collection of self published fiction stories.
Hmm, sounds like an interesting backstory. I am curious why the vampire would kill the Grandfather but not the character himself. Perhaps an explanation of that would be good.
In terms of making the backstory lighter, I think one thing you can do isn't to change what you have, but add other elements that aren't so tragic and dark. Here you've highlighted what we might call the worst pieces of the character's history, but are there any other pieces that are good? How is the relationship with the rest of the family, especially the mother? Are there any close friends or mentors that provide a positive influence? Even if a lot of those relationships are still tinged with sadness, they can also be a source of happiness or calm for the character.