Use mage hand! Describe what happens!

Example: I use mage hand to open a trapdoor.

The door itself turns out to BE A TRAP! your mage hand is brutally smashed by a trap trapdoor.

"ouch, that could've been bad"

I use mage hand to pick a lock.

The lock is stubborn and won't budge, until suddenly it yells at you: "stop messin up my mechanisms!"

"Did you even CONSIDER the lock's feelings before you tried to break it?"

 I use mage hand to click on this post!

But I then realize that I have a level in monk not wizard and so I smash and break my computer instead.

Unarmed strike: 2

I use mage hand to click on your post.

A magical voice whispers: "you have doomed us all"

"What's wrong with clicking to like a post? It's not like it will come alive and eat me."

I mage hand to brush my teeth, every day, for 5 years.

Over the course of 5 years your brushing quality dramatically declines, and now you have gum disease.

"Magic is ALWAYS a convenience. Or at least until it's not a convenience."

I mage hand to get dressed. 

ALL of your clothes are on backwards. 

"Very uncomfortable I am indeed."

I use mage hand to angrily snap my tooth brush in half.

Your tooth brush cackles and insults you while remaining IDESTRUCTABLE.

"I hate brushes."

I use mage hand to change this post number from #8 to #7.

The hand shatters like glass as it attempts to change something set in stone since ancient times...

"Well, at least I tried something."

I use mage hand to summon a mage hand.

The mage hand slaps you twice before poofing away and refusing to be summoned again.

"I just wanted a friend. (Sad orchestra plays sad music)"

I use mage hand to high five your mage hand! :D

I use mage hand to kill another mage hand.

The mage hand goes on a killing spree and ends up killing you as well.

"That was scary."

I mage hand to type this post.

The mage hand continues to type gibberish.

"afjfdhngjh ndohiohnl dfnaspfgnr gsfkoqmwrk2t4 3uhnogbd g"

my mage hand slaps the other mage hand to stop it from keyboard spam.

"yeah it's annoying"

I use mage hand to pat my friend on the back.

It slaps right at the neck, and you snap your buddy's neck. You monster.

"What, have I done?"

I mage hand to build with legos.

The hand builds a perfect replica of the earth, physically replacing the REAL earth with a LEGO WORLD.

"EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!"

I mage hand to build my minecraft house.

Mid way through construction, the hand drops the controller and slaps you for being lazy.