Am I the problem? I made a lighthearted comment on our discord after our session where we defeated a BBEG saying "We need more XP! Even by comparison little nuisance creatures like zombies still give at least 50xp. We should be at least level 2 right?" with which he (the DM) responded... "So I have my own XP stat blocks for the creatures in the campaign to balance out the length of your guy’s journey, looking up creature stats and what they give out is entirely pointless as I won’t use standard DnD creature stats for that exact reason, because people look it up and spoil it for themselves and others. Now you have an expectation of XP, that I never said or suggested was relevant right? I gave you guys your doled out XP after session already, also you guys should be either half way to or more than half way to leveling up. Keep in mind as well you guys have literally fought about 3 times with a total of about maybe 7-9 enemies defeated or less, splitting that between 5 party members. If anything, I’ve been generous with the output of XP especially when I’m rewarding you guys for doing other things too that I don’t have to lol. If you find this unfair in a way still then I can ramp up a bit more, but so far you guys have been earning xp par for the course or better.” I replied to him that I didn't mean to question his mechanics I was just asking about progression and that his response was a bit intense. We were getting 30xp per session and I wasn't really expecting anything to change just kinda half venting and making conversation I guess, but low and behold I open up my Discord and I have been removed from the server just like that. I try to be super aware of not offending people or saying something hurtful while being level and reasonable, but idk what happened here. Was what I said that offensive to DM's or is he just overreacting?
I'm going to be honest, it's going to be hard for anyone to actually make the determination.
If everything played out exactly how you described, then yeah, it seems like perhaps they DM might have overreacted, especially in that they did not contact you outside of the group and discuss with you any behaviors they felt were inappropriate or anything like that.
However, often people come to forums, Reddit, etc to complain about "someone overreacted to a simple statement I made. Are you on my side?", when what we the reader are getting is not an accurate portrayal of the event (it's really easy to give a biased accounting of something when we only ever get to hear the one side).
I think you could have approached the situation differently by saying something privately to the DM (not including the other players) to the effect of, "Hey, I'm really enjoying the game so far! I was curious: with my previous D&D games I had noted we gained XP a bit faster than we seem to be currently. I was just wondering if you had an alternate system you were using or something like that! I'm very excited to get to level 2 with my character!"
This sounds less accusatory of them doing something wrong, and shows that you appreciate the work they are putting in to DM the game. Being a DM can often be a difficult and thankless job, with a lot of time spent on prep and thinking about how to keep players engaged and interested in the story. However, while I think from what you posted (if that is an accurate rendition of your statement to the group) you might have come off a little heated, it would still seem to me perhaps the DM was a bit rash with their decision to cut you from the campaign without a discussion.
You are assuming the cut came from this statement you made, however we have no way of knowing if anything else happened during the sessions that might have led to you being cut as well (i.e. if you were making people uncomfortable, using slurs, being a murder hobo, etc). I'm not saying you DID any of those things, just that 1) you're assuming this one thing you said is the reason you got cut, and 2) we don't have any actual information about anything else that might have happened.
Anyway, I hope you can find another game. Sorry you got cut without a discussion or explanation. In your next group, just remember that the DM is also trying to have a fun time playing the game, and they do put a lot of effort into it, so make sure if you call them out on something or question them about whatever that you are still being patient and respectful (hopefully they are treating you the same way).
It is up to the DM to decide how much XP to award and when, but if the DM is going to really far off-book with how they do it, that seems like something that should've been discussed and agreed upon before the campaign started.
Summarily booting someone from the game without any discussion just for asking about something like this seems wildly out-of-proportion, as does the DM's response in general. Obviously I'm basing this solely on one secondhand report about the DM's behavior, but he seems like the kind of person who's desperately in need of being "in control" as a DM and treats his players like adversaries, and while some people might enjoy that kind of campaign, it's obviously not the kind of experience that you're looking for.
30 XP per session would have you reaching level 2 after ten sessions. Obviously it depends on how long your sessions are and how much stuff you're doing in each one, but that does strike me as unusually slow. I basically never use XP-based advancement, but I think for the first few levels especially, the game is designed around not spending anywhere near that much time in them.
Not enough information to comment on who's at "fault", but I will say that "have we leveled up yet?" jokes are about the most tired, cliche, unfunny thing you can lob at a DM
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Active characters:
Edoumiaond Willegume "Eddie" Podslee, Vegetanian scholar (College of Spirits bard) Lan Kidogo, mapach archaeologist and treasure hunter (Knowledge cleric) Peter "the Pied Piper" Hausler, human con artist/remover of vermin (Circle of the Shepherd druid) PIPA - Planar Interception/Protection Aeormaton, warforged bodyguard and ex-wizard hunter (Warrior of the Elements monk/Cartographer artificer) Xhekhetiel, halfling survivor of a Betrayer Gods cult (Runechild sorcerer/fighter)
I'm going to be honest, it's going to be hard for anyone to actually make the determination.
If everything played out exactly how you described, then yeah, it seems like perhaps they DM might have overreacted, especially in that they did not contact you outside of the group and discuss with you any behaviors they felt were inappropriate or anything like that.
However, often people come to forums, Reddit, etc to complain about "someone overreacted to a simple statement I made. Are you on my side?", when what we the reader are getting is not an accurate portrayal of the event (it's really easy to give a biased accounting of something when we only ever get to hear the one side).
This is a much-needed and spot-on caveat. Even folks trying to be fair will present a situation biased towards them.
Having said that: with the assumption your recounting is accurate, your DM sounds like kind of a butthead.
Not enough information to comment on who's at "fault", but I will say that "have we leveled up yet?" jokes are about the most tired, cliche, unfunny thing you can lob at a DM
They're about as tired as "are we there yet?" jokes on road trips.
Which brings me to a semi-related point. My partner and I watch a YouTube channel that shows dashcam videos semi-regularly. One of the things we notice with some of the road rage videos is that they're often cut in a way that they start and immediately someone is shown pulling some road rage maneuver on the cammer. The road rager always looks like a jerk, but sometimes I'm left wondering... what happened in the 30 seconds or so before the video started?
Getting bounced from the game and the Discord server seems a bit much for just asking "have we leveled up yet?" Buuuut.... Is there any chance something that was said during the last session or before could have been taken in a less than positive way? Maybe it really was just this one joke. But maybe there's been a couple comments before - and they could have been totally unintentional, we all know how it is with text and nuance online - and maybe after this one the DM had a moment of frustration and thought "ugh, I'm so done with this frickin player..."
i genuinely don’t feel like i did anything wrong in the campaign 😭 i was showing up, participating, knew my character, and put a lot into fitting into the world and i was actually really enjoying it and lowkey thought everything was going well, the xp thing wasn’t even a “did we level yet” joke or anything aimed at the dm it was more like half venting half just saying it felt kinda slow in a slightly sarcastic way, not trying to pressure anyone just talking, and when they explained the custom xp i didn’t argue or push back i just said the response felt kinda intense because it caught me off guard compared to what i meant, i know dms put a ton of work into their games and i really did try to show i appreciated that so getting removed instead of just talking it out just kinda sucks and doesn’t really sit right with me
It hasn't been said yet, but you've mentioned sarcasm twice now and it's notoriously difficult to read sarcasm into comments in text without something like /s or the like. So, unless this was in voice, I imagine the DM took your comment(s) much more literally and strongly than you intentioned. Are you able to direct message them still, or one of the players?
That's understandable, and no I cannot he blocked me as soon as he dumped me from the channel and game minutes after I said his response was kinda intense. I'm lowkey hoping someone from the group will see this and let me know his reasoning.
Now, I am pretty inexperienced, but I definitely think that five sessions at level 1 is a lot, especially the DM said you were only about halfway to level 2. If you were getting XP from other things besides combat, it was probably only like 1-3 points. It sounds like the DM is deliberately slow-walking XP gain to keep you at a low level. There are some good reasons for that, high level play is hard to balance because of all the abilities, and spending time with your abilities helps you get familiar with them so you know how to make the best use of them... but the DM kicking you after 5 sessions for asking about progress doesn't paint him in a good light.
I think you should count being kicked as a blessing, and look for a group with a better, or a least less touchy DM.
To me there's some red flags here. It appears to be a DM that doesn't take critics or feedbacks openly. Very slow advancement, while unusual is not a problem in itself if communicated before campaign, which didn't appear to be the case. Booting without warning or exit meeting for bringing it up is concerning for sure as well.
Personally, it's not something i'd like to find myself into so i'd happily walk away in your situation.
I have to be honest, it seems to me like the DM did you a favor, if what you say is an accurate account of events.
With the time you saved, you get to find and enjoy another game with a DM that can handle explaining their house rules. Don't lose sleep over their problems.
I will say that it doesn't matter a whole lot who was actually to blame here (the answer could easily be "both of you"), as it's pretty clear that there was a conflict of gaming styles so you'd be better off separate.
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Am I the problem?
I made a lighthearted comment on our discord after our session where we defeated a BBEG saying "We need more XP! Even by comparison little nuisance creatures like zombies still give at least 50xp. We should be at least level 2 right?" with which he (the DM) responded...
"So I have my own XP stat blocks for the creatures in the campaign to balance out the length of your guy’s journey, looking up creature stats and what they give out is entirely pointless as I won’t use standard DnD creature stats for that exact reason, because people look it up and spoil it for themselves and others. Now you have an expectation of XP, that I never said or suggested was relevant right? I gave you guys your doled out XP after session already, also you guys should be either half way to or more than half way to leveling up. Keep in mind as well you guys have literally fought about 3 times with a total of about maybe 7-9 enemies defeated or less, splitting that between 5 party members. If anything, I’ve been generous with the output of XP especially when I’m rewarding you guys for doing other things too that I don’t have to lol. If you find this unfair in a way still then I can ramp up a bit more, but so far you guys have been earning xp par for the course or better.”
I replied to him that I didn't mean to question his mechanics I was just asking about progression and that his response was a bit intense.
We were getting 30xp per session and I wasn't really expecting anything to change just kinda half venting and making conversation I guess, but low and behold I open up my Discord and I have been removed from the server just like that.
I try to be super aware of not offending people or saying something hurtful while being level and reasonable, but idk what happened here. Was what I said that offensive to DM's or is he just overreacting?
I'm going to be honest, it's going to be hard for anyone to actually make the determination.
If everything played out exactly how you described, then yeah, it seems like perhaps they DM might have overreacted, especially in that they did not contact you outside of the group and discuss with you any behaviors they felt were inappropriate or anything like that.
However, often people come to forums, Reddit, etc to complain about "someone overreacted to a simple statement I made. Are you on my side?", when what we the reader are getting is not an accurate portrayal of the event (it's really easy to give a biased accounting of something when we only ever get to hear the one side).
I think you could have approached the situation differently by saying something privately to the DM (not including the other players) to the effect of, "Hey, I'm really enjoying the game so far! I was curious: with my previous D&D games I had noted we gained XP a bit faster than we seem to be currently. I was just wondering if you had an alternate system you were using or something like that! I'm very excited to get to level 2 with my character!"
This sounds less accusatory of them doing something wrong, and shows that you appreciate the work they are putting in to DM the game. Being a DM can often be a difficult and thankless job, with a lot of time spent on prep and thinking about how to keep players engaged and interested in the story. However, while I think from what you posted (if that is an accurate rendition of your statement to the group) you might have come off a little heated, it would still seem to me perhaps the DM was a bit rash with their decision to cut you from the campaign without a discussion.
You are assuming the cut came from this statement you made, however we have no way of knowing if anything else happened during the sessions that might have led to you being cut as well (i.e. if you were making people uncomfortable, using slurs, being a murder hobo, etc). I'm not saying you DID any of those things, just that 1) you're assuming this one thing you said is the reason you got cut, and 2) we don't have any actual information about anything else that might have happened.
Anyway, I hope you can find another game. Sorry you got cut without a discussion or explanation. In your next group, just remember that the DM is also trying to have a fun time playing the game, and they do put a lot of effort into it, so make sure if you call them out on something or question them about whatever that you are still being patient and respectful (hopefully they are treating you the same way).
It is up to the DM to decide how much XP to award and when, but if the DM is going to really far off-book with how they do it, that seems like something that should've been discussed and agreed upon before the campaign started.
Summarily booting someone from the game without any discussion just for asking about something like this seems wildly out-of-proportion, as does the DM's response in general. Obviously I'm basing this solely on one secondhand report about the DM's behavior, but he seems like the kind of person who's desperately in need of being "in control" as a DM and treats his players like adversaries, and while some people might enjoy that kind of campaign, it's obviously not the kind of experience that you're looking for.
30 XP per session would have you reaching level 2 after ten sessions. Obviously it depends on how long your sessions are and how much stuff you're doing in each one, but that does strike me as unusually slow. I basically never use XP-based advancement, but I think for the first few levels especially, the game is designed around not spending anywhere near that much time in them.
pronouns: he/she/they
Not enough information to comment on who's at "fault", but I will say that "have we leveled up yet?" jokes are about the most tired, cliche, unfunny thing you can lob at a DM
Active characters:
Edoumiaond Willegume "Eddie" Podslee, Vegetanian scholar (College of Spirits bard)
Lan Kidogo, mapach archaeologist and treasure hunter (Knowledge cleric)
Peter "the Pied Piper" Hausler, human con artist/remover of vermin (Circle of the Shepherd druid)
PIPA - Planar Interception/Protection Aeormaton, warforged bodyguard and ex-wizard hunter (Warrior of the Elements monk/Cartographer artificer)
Xhekhetiel, halfling survivor of a Betrayer Gods cult (Runechild sorcerer/fighter)
This is a much-needed and spot-on caveat. Even folks trying to be fair will present a situation biased towards them.
Having said that: with the assumption your recounting is accurate, your DM sounds like kind of a butthead.
They're about as tired as "are we there yet?" jokes on road trips.
Which brings me to a semi-related point. My partner and I watch a YouTube channel that shows dashcam videos semi-regularly. One of the things we notice with some of the road rage videos is that they're often cut in a way that they start and immediately someone is shown pulling some road rage maneuver on the cammer. The road rager always looks like a jerk, but sometimes I'm left wondering... what happened in the 30 seconds or so before the video started?
Getting bounced from the game and the Discord server seems a bit much for just asking "have we leveled up yet?" Buuuut.... Is there any chance something that was said during the last session or before could have been taken in a less than positive way? Maybe it really was just this one joke. But maybe there's been a couple comments before - and they could have been totally unintentional, we all know how it is with text and nuance online - and maybe after this one the DM had a moment of frustration and thought "ugh, I'm so done with this frickin player..."
i genuinely don’t feel like i did anything wrong in the campaign 😭 i was showing up, participating, knew my character, and put a lot into fitting into the world and i was actually really enjoying it and lowkey thought everything was going well, the xp thing wasn’t even a “did we level yet” joke or anything aimed at the dm it was more like half venting half just saying it felt kinda slow in a slightly sarcastic way, not trying to pressure anyone just talking, and when they explained the custom xp i didn’t argue or push back i just said the response felt kinda intense because it caught me off guard compared to what i meant, i know dms put a ton of work into their games and i really did try to show i appreciated that so getting removed instead of just talking it out just kinda sucks and doesn’t really sit right with me
How many sessions had you played?
5 I think
It hasn't been said yet, but you've mentioned sarcasm twice now and it's notoriously difficult to read sarcasm into comments in text without something like /s or the like. So, unless this was in voice, I imagine the DM took your comment(s) much more literally and strongly than you intentioned. Are you able to direct message them still, or one of the players?
That's understandable, and no I cannot he blocked me as soon as he dumped me from the channel and game minutes after I said his response was kinda intense. I'm lowkey hoping someone from the group will see this and let me know his reasoning.
Now, I am pretty inexperienced, but I definitely think that five sessions at level 1 is a lot, especially the DM said you were only about halfway to level 2. If you were getting XP from other things besides combat, it was probably only like 1-3 points. It sounds like the DM is deliberately slow-walking XP gain to keep you at a low level. There are some good reasons for that, high level play is hard to balance because of all the abilities, and spending time with your abilities helps you get familiar with them so you know how to make the best use of them... but the DM kicking you after 5 sessions for asking about progress doesn't paint him in a good light.
I think you should count being kicked as a blessing, and look for a group with a better, or a least less touchy DM.
To me there's some red flags here. It appears to be a DM that doesn't take critics or feedbacks openly. Very slow advancement, while unusual is not a problem in itself if communicated before campaign, which didn't appear to be the case. Booting without warning or exit meeting for bringing it up is concerning for sure as well.
Personally, it's not something i'd like to find myself into so i'd happily walk away in your situation.
I have to be honest, it seems to me like the DM did you a favor, if what you say is an accurate account of events.
With the time you saved, you get to find and enjoy another game with a DM that can handle explaining their house rules. Don't lose sleep over their problems.
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I will say that it doesn't matter a whole lot who was actually to blame here (the answer could easily be "both of you"), as it's pretty clear that there was a conflict of gaming styles so you'd be better off separate.