The big bad of our game is a winter archfey who has kidnapped one of our party ( an excuse bc our friend got a temp new job). the jerk also lured kinds into the Fewwild; a troll was eating those kids. and when we got to his mansion/domain we found out that he had a lot of innocent people enslaved.
Anyways my character is probably the most hostile towards him and I want some bomb insults to use on him for the next time we fight him ( probably month or two from now due to our missing companion)
The archfey in question goes by "Cold Malcolm"; he's very tall, skinny, and lanky (kinda think jack skellington) and he's got blue skin. Very annoying about 'manners'. even though he's the jerk.
I was thinking of something along sexual lines too. Such as, "I guess it has to be this cold for your mate to look hot, I've seen her. Brrrrrrr!" Or, "I see you've found a way to attract your mate. In this cold, I believe you could get an Ice Troll to want to snuggle."
Along the lines of his thin lanky appearance, "I bet your friends call you tooth-pick, but it seems you prefer Ice-Pick. But given your manhood, you probably don't like to hear about Ice … PICKS."
Or about his skin, "Blue skin, blue skin, I hear you can get that from poor circulation. I bet you get it because you just finished wanking and your blood hasn't returned to normal circulation. Be careful you don't get light headed or you might slip and fall on this ice. With your coloring we'd just step on you and never notice you were there, little boy blue. Go blow, not your horn, just blow."
I was thinking of something along sexual lines too. Such as, "I guess it has to be this cold for your mate to look hot, I've seen her. Brrrrrrr!" Or, "I see you've found a way to attract your mate. In this cold, I believe you could get an Ice Troll to want to snuggle."
Along the lines of his thin lanky appearance, "I bet your friends call you tooth-pick, but it seems you prefer Ice-Pick. But given your manhood, you probably don't like to hear about Ice … PICKS."
Or about his skin, "Blue skin, blue skin, I hear you can get that from poor circulation. I bet you get it because you just finished wanking and your blood hasn't returned to normal circulation. Be careful you don't get light headed or you might slip and fall on this ice. With your coloring we'd just step on you and never notice you were there, little boy blue. Go blow, not your horn, just blow."
HA. Agh god I wish I could use the innuendo ones but I got a pretty uptight barbarian who wouldn't use em. Probably gonna pass em along to my teammates tho.
Make a bunch of ice puns like Arnold Schwarzenegger did when he played Mr. Freeze.
Oh, how did I not even thin of puns! My DM gives out inspiration every time he dies laughing at one. Also, I haven't seen him as Mr.Freeze so I guess I gotta go watch some clips as "homework" lol.
Are you planning to wait until open hostilities start, or do you anticipate a social encounter as well? If you're going to be a "guest" in his home, the best way to insult a fey is to mask it in a compliment - that way he can't openly challenge you without seeming "unmannerly."
This is obviously trickier and more context-dependent, and it's possible your character wouldn't have the savoir faire to do that anyway. But it's really damn satisfying if you can pull it off. An example would be saying something like, "I've never heard of an archfey partnering with a simple troll before - how... progressive of you to treat all creatures as your equal." Of course, an archfey would never deign to consider a troll as equal to himself and he would consider that a tremendous insult! But you're making it sound like a positive thing, and something you admire, so he can't respond with hostility.
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"We're the perfect combination of expendable and unkillable!"
Edeleth Treesong (Aldalire) WoodElf Druid lvl 8 Talaveroth Sub 2 Last Tree StandingTabaxi Ranger, Chef and Hoardsperson lvl 5, Company of the Dragon Team 1 Choir Kenku Cleric, Tempest Domain, lvl 11, Descent Into Avernus Test Drive Poinki Goblin Paladin, Redemption, lvl 5, Tales from Talaveroth Lyrika Nyx Satyr Bard lvl 1, The Six Kingdoms of Talia
Are you planning to wait until open hostilities start, or do you anticipate a social encounter as well? If you're going to be a "guest" in his home, the best way to insult a fey is to mask it in a compliment - that way he can't openly challenge you without seeming "unmannerly."
This is obviously trickier and more context-dependent, and it's possible your character wouldn't have the savoir faire to do that anyway. But it's really damn satisfying if you can pull it off. An example would be saying something like, "I've never heard of an archfey partnering with a simple troll before - how... progressive of you to treat all creatures as your equal." Of course, an archfey would never deign to consider a troll as equal to himself and he would consider that a tremendous insult! But you're making it sound like a positive thing, and something you admire, so he can't respond with hostility.
I'm not quite sure. Every other time we fought him it started with being social; he'd insult us, call us impolite, etc, etc. But last time I made him need an emergency amputation of his arm before fleeing; so I don't expect him to be sociable. But I don't know how we'll encounter him again without going to 'his domain' because we've never seen him out of it. He's always dragged us in.
But heck the backhanded complements would've been perfect. If he doesn't immediately try to kill us I'll try it.
Simple, call him a bad host. Insult his taste in art. Ignore every protocol
Oh we've called him a bad host since we've met him. And he has a hilariously sad taste in art of witch his him self-inserting himself into the hero's role of stories that have been since made into tapestries and paintings.
And the more we are 'impolite' the grouchier he gets
The big bad of our game is a winter archfey who has kidnapped one of our party ( an excuse bc our friend got a temp new job). the jerk also lured kinds into the Fewwild; a troll was eating those kids. and when we got to his mansion/domain we found out that he had a lot of innocent people enslaved.
Anyways my character is probably the most hostile towards him and I want some bomb insults to use on him for the next time we fight him ( probably month or two from now due to our missing companion)
The archfey in question goes by "Cold Malcolm"; he's very tall, skinny, and lanky (kinda think jack skellington) and he's got blue skin. Very annoying about 'manners'. even though he's the jerk.
The only things I could come up with are impotence jokes: "if I was always too cold to get it up, it be evil too."
HAHHA yes perfect.
I was thinking of something along sexual lines too. Such as, "I guess it has to be this cold for your mate to look hot, I've seen her. Brrrrrrr!" Or, "I see you've found a way to attract your mate. In this cold, I believe you could get an Ice Troll to want to snuggle."
Along the lines of his thin lanky appearance, "I bet your friends call you tooth-pick, but it seems you prefer Ice-Pick. But given your manhood, you probably don't like to hear about Ice … PICKS."
Or about his skin, "Blue skin, blue skin, I hear you can get that from poor circulation. I bet you get it because you just finished wanking and your blood hasn't returned to normal circulation. Be careful you don't get light headed or you might slip and fall on this ice. With your coloring we'd just step on you and never notice you were there, little boy blue. Go blow, not your horn, just blow."
Make a bunch of ice puns like Arnold Schwarzenegger did when he played Mr. Freeze.
HA. Agh god I wish I could use the innuendo ones but I got a pretty uptight barbarian who wouldn't use em. Probably gonna pass em along to my teammates tho.
Oh, how did I not even thin of puns! My DM gives out inspiration every time he dies laughing at one. Also, I haven't seen him as Mr.Freeze so I guess I gotta go watch some clips as "homework" lol.
Call him snow miser.
Are you planning to wait until open hostilities start, or do you anticipate a social encounter as well? If you're going to be a "guest" in his home, the best way to insult a fey is to mask it in a compliment - that way he can't openly challenge you without seeming "unmannerly."
This is obviously trickier and more context-dependent, and it's possible your character wouldn't have the savoir faire to do that anyway. But it's really damn satisfying if you can pull it off. An example would be saying something like, "I've never heard of an archfey partnering with a simple troll before - how... progressive of you to treat all creatures as your equal." Of course, an archfey would never deign to consider a troll as equal to himself and he would consider that a tremendous insult! But you're making it sound like a positive thing, and something you admire, so he can't respond with hostility.
"We're the perfect combination of expendable and unkillable!"
Simple, call him a bad host. Insult his taste in art. Ignore every protocol
See if calling him Melt-colm annoys him.
Edeleth Treesong (Aldalire) Wood Elf Druid lvl 8 Talaveroth Sub 2
Last Tree Standing Tabaxi Ranger, Chef and Hoardsperson lvl 5, Company of the Dragon Team 1
Choir Kenku Cleric, Tempest Domain, lvl 11, Descent Into Avernus Test Drive
Poinki Goblin Paladin, Redemption, lvl 5, Tales from Talaveroth
Lyrika Nyx Satyr Bard lvl 1, The Six Kingdoms of Talia
Always fun
I'm not quite sure. Every other time we fought him it started with being social; he'd insult us, call us impolite, etc, etc. But last time I made him need an emergency amputation of his arm before fleeing; so I don't expect him to be sociable. But I don't know how we'll encounter him again without going to 'his domain' because we've never seen him out of it. He's always dragged us in.
But heck the backhanded complements would've been perfect. If he doesn't immediately try to kill us I'll try it.
Oh we've called him a bad host since we've met him. And he has a hilariously sad taste in art of witch his him self-inserting himself into the hero's role of stories that have been since made into tapestries and paintings.
And the more we are 'impolite' the grouchier he gets
Ha