Okay, this one's more than a bit silly. But man, am I tired of Vicious Mockery. The spell is so cheesy, and because players' wits can't keep up with a bard's, it usually devolves into "hey goblin...you're GREEN, ha!" or doesn't get role-played at all. Plus, it takes away from more classical, less silly, bards.

So here's my house rule: if you don't want to or can't come up with an original, clever insult for Vicious Mockery, you can cast the spell as Absonant Chord. Same spell, different theme. Now it'll get used less, provides a more serious option, and doesn't work for "you suck!" insults. Ah, peace at last.

My sister's drow bard is an absolute sweetheart who doesn't like making fun of people. She's considering using the spell through asking enemies to rethink their life choices so that they feel hurt by the shame.

I like Vicious Mockery but yeah, RP wise if you dont do it well, it sucks.

Also sucks that most enemies don't have personalized backgrounds so making a fun personalized and witty insult is very hard to do.

Here have some of my best insults.

Orc: "Pestilent fiend! I shall have your head for this!"
Bard: "You're looking a little green around the edges. Wanna take a lie down?"

Glasya: "You wretched little spawn! I gave you my favor and now you squander it. Prepare to know a whole new world of pain!"
Bard: "That what daddy told you?"
*critical hit for 1000 damage, knocked into the next century and demoted to erinyes*

I a practiced internet fighter have mastered the art of the vicous mockery but yeah sometimes they can dissapointing.Other times you scatter an entire an orc horde by one shotting their leader with vicous mockery and having their head explode.