Quotes

We just raided a mob hideout that was hidden under a public toilet (long story don't ask)

"so as we step out the door can I pull out my lute and start playing all star by smash mouth" -Me

"sure (I roll an 18) ... okay so as you walk out playing your lute you walk past an ogre who starts humming your song as he passes" -DM

and that's the story of how I created shrek in a pirate themed dnd campaign

"Balor's are NOT MEANT TO BE FOUGHT AT LEVEL 4?????"

-Me

hey that happened to one of my friends once

ANYWAYS

"so DM, I know we were supposed to clear this manor out and return the keys... BUT it would make a really cool base, it's got a batcave and everything" -one of my fellow players a few sessions ago in Lost Mine of Phandelver

"I EAT URANIUM"

No context needed

One of my players

"I really hate those treehuggers" -My dnd character who was racist to elves (because of backstory trauma that i thought was so tuff) when we started in an elven village

me playing a paladin in a hiest

"I'm starting to regret that decision."

"as you kill the 2 mutant clown rats, one of them drops a rat sized wallet, and inside is a picture of their 2 mutant clown rat children, that you've now left orphaned" -My DM to me in my first ever campaign back in 2021 (this is now a recurring joke that gets referenced every campaign)

Party member one: "You killed the children, good job!"

Party member two "I killed them, what should we do now?"

DM "I don't think that's up to you, I think that's up to the mother."

"Can I try and seduce the bard?" -The Ranger

"No you can't" -The DM

"Now let's not be to quick to say no" -The Bard

(Both the ranger and bard were straight guys and still are)

"I ROLL TO SEDUCE THE PIRATE"

DM "Should I roll to see if the pirate is gay or not?"

"DM can I yell fear magneto and start hovering ominously" -player who just picked up a boulder to throw at a shopkeeper

"NO!" -DM who did not want us killing an important npc

"You know that shopkeeper you tried to rob, WAS BAHAMUT, AND I TOLD YOU THAT, DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE DOING????????"

"Sigh... okay fine you can name the dragon Greg and keep him as a pet" -The DM who's boss was just turned into a pet for the party thanks to several consecutive nat 20's

"No, no seducing the BEGG"

"Your Dnd characters are starting to sound very familiar... you sure theyre original?" -DM

"Pretty sure they're original" -Player 1: Sir Spectacular - body is made of rubber and can be stretched at will

"No clue what you mean" -Player 2: Transparent Girl - can turn invisible at will

"You're crazy" -Player 3: The Rock - a sentient boulder

"the spectacular squad took us so long to come up with, I'm offended" -Me: The Human Ember - can control fire and fly

me and my friends when we played the fantastic four one time to see if the DM would notice

Quote from Basilsunny11 >>

"Your Dnd characters are starting to sound very familiar... you sure theyre original?" -DM

"Pretty sure they're original" -Player 1: Sir Spectacular - body is made of rubber and can be stretched at will

"No clue what you mean" -Player 2: Transparent Girl - can turn invisible at will

"You're crazy" -Player 3: The Rock - a sentient boulder

"the spectacular squad took us so long to come up with, I'm offended" -Me: The Human Ember - can control fire and fly

me and my friends when we played the fantastic four one time to see if the DM would notice 

 "I don't believe yall"

when he realised he told us to just make new characters

he found out when I accidentally said flame on

"Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water." 
Translated to Esperanto:
"Jack kaj Jill supreniris monteton por alporti sitelon da akvo."
Translated to German: 
"Jack und Jill gingen einen Hügel hinauf, um einen Eimer Wasser zu holen."
Translated to Japanese:
"ジャックとジルはバケツの水を汲むために丘を登りました。."
Translated to Russian:
"Джек и Джилл поднялись на холм, чтобы набрать ведра воды."
Translated to Hiligaynon:
"Si Jack kag si Jill nagsaka sa bungyod agod magkuha sing mga balde sang tubi."
Translated to Hebrew:
"ג'ק וג'יל עלו לגבעה כדי להביא דליי מים."
Translated to Polish:
"Jack i Jill poszli na wzgórze, aby nabrać wiader wody."
Translated to Chinese (Traditional):
"傑克和吉爾上山去打水。"
Translated back to English:
"Jack and Jill went up the mountain to fetch water."

"YAR MATEY"

Quote from wes_ >>

"Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water." 
Translated to Esperanto:
"Jack kaj Jill supreniris monteton por alporti sitelon da akvo."
Translated to German: 
"Jack und Jill gingen einen Hügel hinauf, um einen Eimer Wasser zu holen."
Translated to Japanese:
"ジャックとジルはバケツの水を汲むために丘を登りました。."
Translated to Russian:
"Джек и Джилл поднялись на холм, чтобы набрать ведра воды."
Translated to Hiligaynon:
"Si Jack kag si Jill nagsaka sa bungyod agod magkuha sing mga balde sang tubi."
Translated to Hebrew:
"ג'ק וג'יל עלו לגבעה כדי להביא דליי מים."
Translated to Polish:
"Jack i Jill poszli na wzgórze, aby nabrać wiader wody."
Translated to Chinese (Traditional):
"傑克和吉爾上山去打水。"
Translated back to English:
"Jack and Jill went up the mountain to fetch water."

 Please tell me you don’t actually know all those languages…