... but stuck in a limbo room where no one else exists. Technically you're also the ugliest.

I have unbreakable bones...

But you can't move.

I can breathe underwater...

But only if you have a dozen tomatoes on your person.

I can shapeshift just like the changelings could if they where real.

Unfortunately, they are not real.

I can predict how many people will turn up to any given event.

Whether or not you are correct remains to be seen

I can do complex maths sums in my head in a matter of seconds...

That is to say 1,000,000 seconds, or about 11 days.

I can see the future...

…sadly, only about a millisecond ahead.

I can make as much ice cream as I want at will.

But it is all melted and no amount of freezing can rectify the situation.

I am always at a comfortable temperature for a human, no matter what I wear.

Unfortunately, you are a firbolg.

I can learn any language after hearing it spoken for 5 minutes and reading 1 A4 page of text in the language

But you're deaf and illiterate.

I know the most optimal approach to any situation...

But you are doomed to be suboptimal.

I can pause time by holding my breath.

But...you get chased by the Time Dragon!!!

I have the same spells and effects as a Illithid.

and are under the control of an elder brain, like an illithid.

I have a perfect memory.

That memory is perfect, the rest of your memories are hazy at best.

I can slow down and speed up my personal time.

That includes slowing down or speeding up you and your brain, good luck processing anything.

I know every language there is...

But you can only speak and understand English.

I always smell pleasant.

...to hungry dragons

I can manipulate gravity at will.

Upon realizing this, Will no longer hangs out with you.

I can repair cars by touching them.

...but they only remain fixed while holding onto them.

I can predict the future with perfect precision.

But slowly being turned into a beholder.... o:

I have all spells a mystic have...