Everything now classifies as undead.

I can tell whenever the nearest coke bottle to my current position is opened.

And you have an unbreakable urge to drink it. Not only does that make you a thief and incredibly annoying, but coke is also incredibly unhealthy.

I always understand exactly what someone means, even if they aren't communicating their thoughts clearly. Now I can always understand another persons argument, and they can't accuse me of misunderstanding what they said, and I am great to be around because I always know what you meant to say.

But nobody can understand you

I can talk to animals

Animals are really mean. Nobody really realizes it because they can't understand what they are saying, but one bark of a dog has enough profanity to cause your ears to shrivel up and die. Just listening to the birds sing makes me fear for my safety as I hear them plotting different ways to murder me.

I can walk through walls like a ghost.

But only when you are a Ghost

I am Illiterate 

You are illiterate that already is a weakness.

When I close my eyes, the entire world freezes in time.

But you freeze as well. So you can't open your eyes to unfreeze it.

I am the very best at everything and I have all the friends in the world

But as a result you cannot know anyone personally or really form a connection.

I can read Aurebesh, the star wars written language

But that is the only language you understand.

When I sleep, I get glimpses of the future so I am always prepared.

You get glimpses of your own death, and are forever haunted by the existence of your own mortality

I am immune to typos. Everything I write is correct

But only in Aurebesh, so it doesn't matter.

I can see through the eyes of any animal that has ever come within a mile of me.

But this includes things like bugs

I can use the Force

You are killed by an Inquisitor.

I have the power to be forgotten and all events I do is also forgotten.

So you can never hold down a normal life. You have no friends, as they forget you. 

Quote from 10_30inDutch >>

So you can never hold down a normal life. You have no friends, as they forget you. 

 I’m fine with that

I have the power to heal

You are inflicted with any wound you heal. You heal a broken leg and you will break a leg.

My hair can be any length, style, and color I want it. With just a thought my hair style changes to whatever I desire.

You constantly think of new hairstyles as you walk by people, and as such, you become a popular social media figure. The government kidnaps you, and experiments on your body, eventually finding the secret to shape-changing. They kill you to hide the secret of these incredible discoveries 

I can modify someones memory, changing what they believe to be their entire life 

Once

I have super strength

But using it is incredibly painful

I am acid resistant