Super Power... With a Flaw

Too bouncy, to the point where if you touch anything while using this power, you get launched into space and die

I can instantly go to normal sleep whenever I choose

But each sleep last a millennia\

I am the DM

of the worst adventure of all time

I play pokemon go

Everyday, forever, till the end of time, also the connection sucks, so a lot of the time you’re just staring at nothing.

I am close friends with Matthew Christopher Miller (AKA Matt Mercer).

But Marisha despises you to her core and has subsequently asked her husband never to comunicate with you. 

I can make any standing volume of liquid into potable water just by touching it with my tongue. 

When your tongue touches water the taste of spoiled potatoes cover your tongue.

I am able to create official 5e D&D characters that begin at level 30.

but they dont be AL legal do.

I can play a bard that survives the first combat encounter.

You CAN... If you knew how to... 

I can make any D&D 5th Edition book appear wherever I want, whenever I want.

Quote from ALinkToTheTacocat >>

but they dont be AL legal do.

 P.S. What?

But they're shipped by amazon, so they are all warped and water damaged!

I can turn any chair into a massage chair!

By eating one of its legs.

I can instantly forget whatever I want just by snapping my fingers while thinking of the thing I want to forget, this power can only activate if I'm naked.

however, you must be wearing a graphic tee w/ the thing you want to forget printed on it, thus effectively making the power impossible to use.

I can make my computer stop randomly crashing.

It now crashes every minute, on the minute.

I am an amazing artist.

except all you can draw is examples of amazon shipping errors.

I can eat trash with no averse effects.

As the word ”Averse” means ”having a strong dislike of or opposition to something”, You now don't dislike eating literal garbage.

I can teleport to anywhere in the world, and back, whenever I want.

however, there is a very unfortunate person named "The World".

my cat never vomits (if you say because it is dead, i will be very sad)

But every other cat is constantly vomiting. Also, that's not a superpower.

I am the best at any game I play, in every sense of the word ”Best”.

B.E.S.T.= Beaten Every Single Time, as in you take a beating every single time.

I can make the food I'm hungry for appear out of thin air.

[so my sentence becomes ”I am the Beaten Every Single Time at any game I play”, What?]

Too bad the food appears on the exact other side of the world.

I can pause anything just by thinking about pausing it, but not the word ”Anything”, that's the one thing I can't pause.