Super Power... With a Flaw

...but the water you drink is deadly and bursts your heart open every time you drink it and you have no healer.

Every turn I roll maximum score on any type of dice.

... so you can never play craps, since a roll of 12 on the first roll is a loss, and you can't use it to gamble.

I can cook food that grants any ability I wish to whomever eats it....

but it costs all the money in the universe to make

I can shapeshift into whatever I want

But whenever you shape shift, you go to a random different universe

I wish to win whenever I gamble. (i don't gamble, i just think this would be cool)

but whenever you win you get a bill equal to twice the amount you won.

I can cause anyone, and I mean anyone (elves and warforged included), to fall asleep for however long I want

...between 0.2-1 second

I can restore full health whenever I want (my full health is 30).

...except you can only restore health to grass.

I can control all plant life...

except all the plants you control immediately die.

I can warp the position of planets to cause them to instantaneously move hundreds of millions of miles.

...except everything that lives on that planet dies and soon after the planets move they instantly explode.

I can control any creature that I want and do what ever I want to them and they won't die...

...except on weekdays, holidays, and in august.

I can cast shocking grasp in real life...

except the lightning electrocutes you as well.

I can do meteor swarm in real life, on earth. (I don't care where it is, just care if I can do it at will)

... Centered on yourself.

I can cast lightning lure with a dc of 19 in real life...

But this version of lightning lure only attracts sharp metal objects that face you, flying at you at Mach 10.

(I fully intended the meteor swarm to be centered on myself)

I can summon and control cthulu tentacles, each tendril the size of the moon.

...but you can only control them one by one so you'd have to walk and swim manually

I can teleport anywhere, anytime for no cost...

You can teleport from anywhere, to the sun, and only too the sun.

I can become a medusa or human at will, and can choose to close my eyes whenever I want as normal.

...but turning into either will cause severe pain and take 4,000 hit points off of you (basically killing you).

I can do 50 actions and bonus actions in a fight at no cost

However, you only have one hit point and roll for initiative with disadvantage.

My farts smell like roses.

...That have been dipped in grease for 15 hours.

I can cast prestidigitation and create eggs in my hands to throw at people, and that last for 18 seconds...

but the eggs are rotten and you can only clean clothes

I can become my character sheets

...Literally.

I can see exactly 5 seconds into the future constantly in the current location I am in at will...