But only according to people who hate Miles Davis.

I can rip away the abilities of other people and transfer them to myself...

... by trying to literally rip into the person.  I haven't seen the outside of prison in a long, long time.

I can reshape the weather to anything I like (and no, I'm not projecting my hatred of the snowstorm going on right now)...

... as long as it ends colder than it started. 

Any ants or spiders I see are disintegrated ... 

... Only to be replaced by giant hissing cockroaches.

I possess the knowledge of Rick Sanchez

... and are considered the main component behind Tasha's Hideous Laughter spell. 

I can construct anything out of Lego blocks and it becomes real...

...nothing happens. They're already real.

I can memorize entire books and tell them from memory...

You can only speak a foren language wile you talk about the books though.

I can heal anyones injuries instantly, and with no limit on how many times.

But the only injuries that you can heal is pricks of needls.

I can create anything I want out of thin air...

But not thick air, or even normal air.  Has to be super thin air.

I can manipulate dark matter and dark energy without touching it.

...On my big toe.

I can turn myself and anything that I am wearing or carrying invisible when I want to...

...but can only maintain it for three seconds.

I can grow human-sized butterfly wings on my back...

But thete dead so they wont talk back.

I can rewind time 30 seconds at a time, and i retain my memory's from before i rewound time.

But only when you claim you're Jesus to every hardcore Christian.

I can shape matter and time without it having any effects on me.

.. because I'm just a sapient tachyon. 

I have the power to win any legal case that comes my way...

...as long as it's about who stole the cookie from the cookie jar.

I have the power to produce INFINITE COOKIES...

But they're only raisin cookies

I can erase others' memories of my mistakes