... but only if I remember to take a photograph of whatever is happening.

I am the very best, like no one ever was...

... at growing carrots. 

I don't need to rest, ever ... 

until I physically exert myself. Then I need a nap

My muscles are cartoonishly big...

... as long as you've eaten a can of spinach within the last minute. 

I can communicate via telepathy ...

... but no one believes its me, and just thinks its their own thoughts.

I can channel the abilities of anyone famous, like Beethovan's musical talent...

... but also gain his deafness.

I can channel the abilities of Devin ******* Townsend...

...But you also get reported for languge.

I can make anything disapear at will...

.. but not at Amy, Frank, Shizuka, or anyone not named Will.  (sorry, I had to do it)

I can turn anything into a bluetooth device with a touch...

...but it turns into a human tooth dyed blue

I can turn anything into chocolate by touch and choice...

... which then proceeds to embody the phrase "death by chocolate."

I can project myself into a digital world...

... which they always, always are. 

I can cast any spell I can imagine, at no cost ...

... onto a lovely photograph.

I'm really lucky with love....

.....but only with wild animals.

I can eat anything i want and not gain a pound....

You instead gain ten.

I can change the color of my body...

Into Any Color that is the opposite of your surroundings

I have x-ray vision

...which seemed fun at the beginning, until you saw some things you can't unsee.

I can create amazing art with mere thought...

... at least, I think its amazing.  No one else seems to agree.

I can know the answer to any question when asked...

But I can only share it through sarcasm

I can make tentacles burst out of my back...