*Use seduction on Voldemort*

/kill tarrasque

I cast magic missle at the tarrasque as a ninth level spell

tarrasque rolls six on reflective carapace

 I cast magic missle as a ninth level spell at the tarrasque

None at all.

Well... a sorcerer in a campaign I'm DMing tried electrocute a lightning dragon. Which had just shot a bolt of lightning at her.

try too kill god

Oh, here I hope I can shine.

Whipping out Thoruks best facepalm story...

The party is asked by a pair of dwarves to clear the kobolds out of their cave. Thoruk was distracted and didn't hear half of what was being said, so asked another PC what we were doing, and they said (talking down to Thoruk as if he was very stupid, which he is): "Go in there and kill everything".

So, a brief murder spree through the Kobolds and Thoruk is only 3 turns into his rage and not wanting to waste it, so I say "I'm going to the door and opening it". DM says "It's a small room with an alter and such". I say "I attack whatever's nearest (to maintain rage) and then continue onwards.

At this point Thoruk attacks the alter (I was expecting a chair, I was imagining a larger room), and through an attack and a strength check which Thoruk got a 19 and a nat 20 on, instead of being flung backwards like gimli in the council of rivendell, Thoruk breaks the alter. Magic starts swirling around the room. The other PC's start screaming "what did you do?!". Thoruk is oblivious. Someone does a religeon check and recognises it as an alter to the Dwarven Goddess of Homely Protection. After a few players start fleeing, the magic coalesces as a short, elderly dwarven woman with a neatly trimmed beard and a severely annoyed expression on her face. She looks at Thoruk and asks in that severe town of voice that only an exceptionally annoyed mother is capable of producing; "Now, just what do you think you are doing?".

Everyone's freaking out that a dwarven Goddess has appeared. Thoruk looks at her, sees the beard, puts out a hand and says boldly to her: "Stay back Sir; there could be more!" before kicking the next door in and making an impressive attack against the drake the kobolds had in there.

A full round of player turns later; two PCs are trying to placate the goddess, who is still achieving that seething rage with a smiling face normally reserved for a child who decided to repaint all of mum dresses with jam because red is pretty. The kobolds are fleeing from Thoruk (actually, it may have been the angry goddess...) and a paladin uses command to make Thoruk stop chasing them. The Goddess asks Thoruk again what he was doing, and I say cheerfully:

"We were asked by the two dwarves outside to come in here and destroy everything, so I came in here and I destroyed everything, I'm just doing what I was asked!". The DM asked for a deception roll, I argued that Thoruk believes what he's saying so it became persuasion (no difference to modifier) and I rolled a nat 20, convincing the Dwarven goddess of homely protection that the dwarves who owned the home had asked me to come in and destroy her alter.

After this, she smashed Thoruks head into the alter and used his blood to fix it, and then commanded him to go to sleep so he didn't do any more damage. I believe the session ended with Thoruk being loaded back onto the wagon, and the 2 dwarves mysteriously locked out of their house.

How did I do?

Real life story:

I used to live in the United States.

I went to this tiny private school that couldn’t have had more than twenty-five middle/high school students. About twenty of them had an IQ of about fifty. We were on a school retreat to this really cool camp with horses and a lake and paintball.

During one of our free periods where we had nothing planned, me, my friend, and this fifteen-year-old go down to the stables.

Now you first have to note that this was when the “dab,” the word “lit,” and “fly,” were still in, so there were three interpretations to the exclamation “yo,” there was “yoooooo,” *that’s amazing* “yo,” *concerned*, and “yo” *what the actual f%#@*.

so we’re down at the stables and the horses are fairly chill, they do almost nothing and were completely silent when we got there. Me and my friend go over to a really cool horse named “Zeus” while leaving the other guy to the horse called “gizmo”. We’re petting this horse with our backs to gizmo and this guy when we hear *horse whinny* “YO” *we translate it as what the actual f%#@* so we whip around and find him staring at gizmo like the horse just sprouted a second head. Ther is nothing obviously wrong with either of them so we ask “what? What’s wrong?” His response was: (talking about the horse whinny) “THAT’S FLY! I THOUGHT THEY ONLY DID THAT IN CARTOONS!”

This. This was my life at that school.

We never let him off the hook for that.

Your mom

my mom ???