But it’s LA in the late 1900s. You die in a dragon bank robbery.

I’m doing a handstand.

You fall on your head and crack your skull.

I am playing D&D

It’s Arizona in the summer. The last thing you here are the DND gods saying “oof that’s a lot of damage” and dice clattering.

I’m LARPing as a Ranger with a real bow.

You accidentaly fire an arrow, and it hits a peice of metal somewhere and ricochets back to hit you.

I am floating around outside of time and space with discworld’s creator deity

Discworld's creator diety decides that they should be the only one doing that and puts you back in, thus exposing you to the cold, harsh expanse of space where you are suddenly turned into a squishy cheesegrater as hundreds of micrometeors race into you like bullets but worse.

I am DMing a session

You only have one d6 and you use an ancient fire dragon's breath attack and you die of old age before you can finish rolling.

I am on my laptop preparing for a session.

Everyone cancels and you all die of old age before you’re able to get another session together.

I am the creator, outside of time, space, and mortal affairs.

It’s boring so you die of boredom.

I am eating a perfectly harmless sword

Turns out your throat cant fit a sword and you choke and die.

I am a 15th level cleric

You get mind controlled by Tiamat so you keep healing her while your party is fighting her, and she kills you all (this has happened to me, not the kills you all but the healing and mind control).

I am flying one inch off the ground

You are, for inadequately explained reasons, shrinked down to the size of a microbe, so that you don't even reach the ground before being engulfed by an amoeba.

I am Jeff Bezos (aka Mammon). For reference:

"Mammon's greed is legendary, and he is one of the few archdevils who will trade favors for gold instead of souls. His lair is piled high with treasures left behind by those who tried--and failed--to best him in a deal."

"Jeff Bezos' greed is legendary, and he is one of the few billionaires who will trade favors for gold instead of souls. His lair is piled high with treasures left behind by those who tried--and failed--to best him in a deal."

(btw I'm not really Jeff Bezos)

Beff Jezos defeats you in hand-to-hand combat

I have ingested an infinite amount of Atium (while being a Seer), meaning that I can see and avoid any future death as long as I can see it.

All Leechers around the world converge on you so there is no escape and they drain your atium and stab you.

I am a Mistborn with all 16 metals and all three god metals.

You live in Flint, Michigan and never learn this due to the water supply. Additionally, you die from the Lead without your Pewter.

I am a sorcerer from The Chronicles of Christomanci with infinite cats that I take the lives from and add to my own.

The cats death loop you for murdering their kin.

I am in lcw

You die from lack of sleep trying to get the last comment in.

I am an American without healthcare.

Nothing would change, but unfortunately you get nuked by Russia

I am a gopher

You get bug-sprayed

I am an Asexual invading Denmark.

You die in writhing agony after acquiring Denmark Hot tub Gonorrhea which permeates the region.

I'm worshipping the porcelain god.

You are suited for no apparent reason by the anti-porcelain goddess.

I am an illegally smol cat.