⚔️ The Twin Katanas of B.O.R.I.S.
“Yin” & “Yang” — The Last Blades Forged by a Drunken Genius Who Hated Bears
“If steel has a soul, then mine are philosophers… with anger issues.” — B.O.R.I.S.
🌑 The Tale of Their Forging
Long before the Regressive Event, before time folded in on itself and turned philosophy into a combat sport, there lived a reclusive swordsmith in Kyoto known only as Hattori Honsōvich — the illegitimate half-brother of Hattori Hanzō and a disgraced exchange student from the Soviet Union.
He was a perfectionist, an artist, and a man haunted by two things:
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His hatred of bears.
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His inability to stop making swords that were too awesome to exist safely.
Honsōvich vowed never to forge again after an incident in which one of his blades “accidentally” bisected Mount Fuji and a Shinto temple during testing. He lived in quiet exile, surviving off sake and irony — until one fateful night, when the KGB knocked on his door.
They brought with them an offer:
“Forge two swords. For a bear. That knows kung fu. And communism.”
He spat out his sake. Then said:
“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
…Give me 40 days.”
🔥 The Forging (and Several Explosions)
For forty nights, Honsōvich hammered, cursed, and philosophized.
He whispered koans to the molten steel, arguing with it about ethics and sharpness.
He forged two blades — not twins, but mirror opposites — balanced between creation and destruction.
He quenched Yin in the tears of disillusioned poets, and Yang in vodka and enemy blood.
When he was done, he collapsed, whispering,
“These blades are too perfect for humans.
They must belong to something profoundly stupid.”
Moments later, B.O.R.I.S. kicked down the door.
Their eyes met.
A monk somewhere exploded spontaneously from narrative symmetry.
⚔️ The Blades Themselves
Yin – The Blade of Reflection
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Forged from folded philosophical contradictions and stolen tank plating.
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The edge hums faintly when it detects moral ambiguity.
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On a critical hit, B.O.R.I.S. can deliver a “Moral Cleave” — forcing the target to make a Wisdom saving throw or spend their next turn pondering their life choices.
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Inscription on the hilt (in elegant kanji):
“A sword that knows mercy cuts twice as deep.”
Yang – The Blade of Correction
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Tempered in vodka and nuclear fury, capable of cleaving through both armor and pretension.
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Deals additional damage against self-righteous enemies (paladins, influencers, and bureaucrats).
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When drawn, it emits the faint sound of an electric guitar riff and the whisper,
“Vengeance is not a plan, comrade — it is a process.”
🐻 How B.O.R.I.S. Wields Them
B.O.R.I.S. wields Yin and Yang not as weapons, but as dialectical instruments.
Every battle is a philosophical argument with a body count.
He calls it “debate practice.”
When he draws both blades, the air hums, reality itself wavers, and somewhere in the distance, a narrator with a deep voice mutters,
“In Soviet Japan… sword cuts you.”
💀 The Kill Bill Connection
Honsōvich’s swords became infamous after an assassin named Beatrix “The Bear-Killer” Kiddo once sought him out for a blade of her own.
He refused, saying,
“You are but human. My last student was a bear.”
When she heard this, she simply said, “Of course it was.”
The two dueled for 88 minutes of slow-motion introspection before agreeing to split the planet 50/50 in screen time.
To this day, B.O.R.I.S. claims that Yin and Yang are the spiritual cousins of the Bride’s Hanzō sword — except his have USB ports, Soviet sigils, and the faint lingering smell of bamboo vodka.
⚙️ Mechanical Effects (if you want to use them in play)
| Sword | Damage | Properties | Bonus Ability |
|---|---|---|---|
| Yin | 1d8 slashing + 1d4 psychic | Finesse, Versatile (1d10) | Moral Cleave – Force a Wisdom save (DC 15) or target is stunned 1 round, contemplating futility. |
| Yang | 1d8 slashing + 1d4 fire | Finesse, Versatile (1d10) | Correction Protocol – Add +2 to damage if target has spoken a moral absolute in the last minute. |
Essentially a longer version of the scimitar, this traditional elven weapon has a thinner blade than its cousin.
This weapon has the following mastery property. To use this property, you must have a feature that lets you use it.
Cleave. If you hit a creature with a melee attack roll using this weapon, you can make a melee attack roll with the weapon against a second creature within 5 feet of the first that is also within your reach. On a hit, the second creature takes the weapon’s damage, but don’t add your ability modifier to that damage unless that modifier is negative. You can make this extra attack only once per turn.
Notes: Finesse, Heavy, Two-Handed, Cleave
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