Book of Hidden Signatures

This book does nothing except contain secret lore written by Lactonius VII himself. The secret lore reads as follows:

”So you actually cared enough about me to search my signature for a link to a homebrew magic item that I made specifically for my even longer signature? I applaud that.”

“Well, now that we’re here, I guess I better start talking about myself like the selfish little s**t that I am.”

“I’m a high schooler with too much gusto to die (or go to sleep). I do cross country, I wrestle, and I golf. I’ve been playing D&D for about 3 years but I’ve only been on the forums for a few months, and I already like this community.”

“I live in “slightly right of nowhere” and in case you care, I live in the Pacific Time Zone, and I’m commonly active on the forums from 3-5 PM except on weekends, I’m not on at all. During special sports events I’ll grind on the forums for days (I’m at the state tournament for wrestling as I write this lol).”

“There’s nothing I live to do better than grind video games. I’m a gamer at heart, you can blame my family for that. If you’ve played a game that I’ve played or am playing, expect me to ramble for millennia. Sorry!”

“I also worldbuild, and homebrew way too much. I’m surprised I haven’t passed out in the middle of my backyard from the amount I brew I make at home…”

“Oh, wait…you were thinking I make lots of custom stuff for D&D? Nah! I brew beer!”

“…”

“I’m kidding by the way. Yes I homebrew a lot, I’ve made at least 19 different classes, each with 2-8 subclasses, too many spells to count, a plethora of magic items from Common to Artifact rarities (plus two new rarities I invented, Lunar and Void), and enough species to populate Mars.”

“I’ve been working on a campaign setting that I ran with my players a little bit ago, and it was an absolutely fantastic adventure. The thing felt slightly railroaded, though. (My players weren’t experienced enough to know this, but they didn’t have much choice…)”

“So I’ve been trying to add ‘alternate endings’ to my campaigns, such as destroying the Void, destroying the Red Planet, curing the Tar, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.”

“If you’ve want to help me, just PM me the words ‘May Your Milk Never Curdle.” And I’ll be glad to hear you out.”

“I also like worms, if you’ve couldn’t tell already…”