Wondrous Item, artifact
This crate is now the size of a refrigerator. It’s painted in screaming yellow with cartoon-black rivets the size of dinner plates. The logo is three feet tall: ACME Co. — Now With 200% More Catastrophe! Stenciled warnings include “DANGER: MAY CAUSE EXISTENTIAL REGRET”, “NOT FOOD”, and “SERIOUSLY, DON’T”.As an action, you swing open the comically oversized lid (Strength check DC 10 or it smacks you in the face for 1d6 bludgeoning). Roll 2d100 and add the results together (range 2–200). Then consult the JUMBO EFFECT TABLE below. After the effect resolves (good luck), the crate slams shut with a thunderous WHAMMO! cartoon sound and a puff of glittery black smoke. Attempting to force it early causes it to honk like an angry goose and spray you with invisible ink that says “SUCKER” on your forehead for 24 hours (visible only in mirrors).You can use the crate player level per long rest. If you’re feeling especially brave/stupid, you can attune a second creature and both of you can each roll 2d100 (effects apply to both — pray they’re compatible).
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