This bag has an interior space considerably larger than its outside dimensions, roughly 2 feet in diameter at the mouth and 4 feet deep. The bag can hold up to 500 pounds, not exceeding a volume of 64 cubic feet. The bag weighs 15 pounds, regardless of its contents. Retrieving an item from the bag requires an action. However, upon stating the item a creature desires to retrieve from the bag, the bag will appear completely empty and an ethereal voice will echo from within stating "We are terribly sorry for the inconvenience, please wait while we assess your claim. Your [name of the desired item] is important to us. We will get back to you as soon as we can, please hold." in common. The bag will then start playing a pleasant yet somehow infuriating lute melody on repeat that can be heard from 20ft away, repeating the message in common every 30 seconds. After 1d4 + 2 hours, the melody stops and the desired item appears in the bag. Once the item is retrieved, the bag's effect resets until a new item is placed inside and the bag is closed.
If the bag is overloaded, pierced, or torn, it ruptures and is destroyed, and its contents are scattered in the Astral Plane. If the bag is turned inside-out, nothing happens. Nice try ;) Breathing creatures inside the bag can survive up to a number of minutes equal to 10 divided by the number of creatures (minimum 1 minute), after which time they begin to suffocate.
Placing a bag of please hold-ing inside an extradimensional space created by a handy haversack, portable hole, or similar item instantly destroys both items and opens a gate to the Astral Plane. The gate originates where the one item was placed inside the other. Any creature within 10 feet of the gate is sucked through it to a random location on the Astral Plane. The gate then closes. The gate is one-way only and can't be reopened.
Notes: ["You know what? I say, screw the enchanted locket and just get rid of this STUPID, ANNOYING, BAG!" - Rilbaor Coastwash, notoriously short-tempered pirate], Banishment, Utility, Container, Cursed
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