When presenting this item to one of your players for the first time, read or paraphrase the boxed text below in your best Russian accent. An more detailed description follows the boxed script. The player-friendly version of the item is presented after the description.
Sandvich is edible device. Eating sandvich takes action. Vhen you are full of sandvich, you regain hit points! Sandvich make you strong! If you are puny class, number of hit points regained eqval half your hit point maximum. If you are strong, heavy class, like barbarian, fighter, or paladin, sandvich restore all your hit points.
This item is directly based on the Sandvich Edible Device from Team Fortress 2, published by Valve Corporation. A detect magic reveals reveals an aura of evocation surrounding the sandwich, an identify spell reveals its properties, and a legend lore reveals details about its origin.
Casting legend lore and naming the sandvich for the first time reveals the following information:
"He was a good lunch who played by the rules, until the rules robbed him of everything he ever loved. Now he's lettuce, tomato, cheese, bread, and a mysterious slice of meat, marching down your throat and straight to hell. He'll satisfy your hunger. FOR REVENGE!"
Subsequent castings of legend lore reveal any of the following facts:
- This edible device originally designed on a far off world of constant, privatized warfare.
- Despite is plain appearance, its is brimming with experimental nutrients, designed to speed recovery.
- Though its component parts are clearly recognizable foodstuffs, they weren't always so. The ingredients were obtained by converting 8 discarded weapons in a series of three separate transmutation stages, which may explain why eating a sandwich meets ten thousand percent of your recommended daily iron intake.
- After eating this device, you will feel ready to punch out all your enemy's blood, and then break their spine. Whether or not you actually can depends on if you were already able to do those things or not.
An identify spell reveals the following player-friendly item description:
Sandvich
Wondrous item, legendaryThis half-sandwich at first appears completely ordinary — lettuce, tomato, cheese, and a few slices of meat between two halved slices of bread. However, certain spells reveal it to be anything but normal. You can eat the sandwich as an action. If you are a barbarian, fighter, or paladin, you regain all your hit points, otherwise you regain a number of hit points equal to half your hit point maximum.
Notes: Healing, Consumable
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